


abject apathy

by ratbtch



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: A slightly over protective Sylvain that borders on creepy but he means it in good heart, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Emo Felix lol, Fist Fights, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jealousy, Love Triangles, Major Character Injury, Major Illness, Marianne and Felix get the platonic relationship they deserve, Maybe Smut? I haven't decided :/, Multi, Obsessive Behavior, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Partying, Physical Abuse, Piercings, Platonic Cuddling, Roommates, Suggestive Themes, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love, basically the whole fe3h cast, i feel so fucked up after realizing how many bad tags there are, is it rlly just a triangle tho it's like??? too many people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:35:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 69,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23157913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratbtch/pseuds/ratbtch
Summary: Felix Fraldarius, driven by his own self ambitions, decided that love is not his thing. Developing an apathetic personality from a young age, void of any want of love, passion or care, his only love is himself.Sylvain Gautier, a playboy without a care in the world, harbouring a secret that could ruin everything. Hiding feelings down deep, he flirts to hide the fact that he is falling apart.Ashe Ubert, a simple boy who can open up with ease, also possessing the ability to make other's open up without even thinking. A soothing, calm boy, but everyone has their secrets.
Relationships: Annette Fantine Dominic/Mercedes von Martritz, Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Caspar von Bergliez/Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Linhard von Hevring, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 38





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> whoa! a fanfic :0. I haven't written one in years so please be gentle. the first few chapters are going to be rocky, and short, since I'm just trying to establish characters, scenes, etc. Hopefully, y'all like it :)
> 
> most of this book will be written in Felix's POV, but I'll state at the beginning of each chapter just in case I change it.

“Aren’t you excited? It’s the first day and you already look like you want to kill everyone in this whole damn school. Lighten up a little, Felix, just think about all the hot babes going to this school this year.”

A scowl on the smaller’s face, arms crossed, sitting on the edge of his bed. Looking at his annoying, over-the-top, exhausting, playboy dormmate, who also just happened to be one of his closest friends. The fact that all he would ever talk about is girls, or getting laid or something around that nature annoyed the hell out of Felix, and this was no surprise to the redhead beside him. Yet his insistent nature on trying to get Felix a girlfriend or boyfriend was beyond frustrating, when would he get it through his thick skull that he wasn’t interested in that sort of thing. He just wanted to focus on his second year at Garreg Mach University in peace. 

“Shut up, Sylvain. If I’m not mistaken, aren’t you dating Ingrid anyways?” He jabbed at the other, knowing that is a bit of a sore spot. Ingrid was another one of Felix’s closest friends, knowing her since they were both kids. Except, the two had some underlying tension that they’d never speak of. 

Sylvain almost choked on his own spit at Felix’s remark, causing a small laugh to escape his lips. “You know it’s not like that! She isn’t interested in me, especially after I hit on her grandma.” Oh right, Felix tried to ignore that horrid event. Why Sylvain thought that would ever be a good idea escaped Felix’s mind, how was he so idiotic at time. 

Standing up from his bed, he walked into the small, shared bathroom. Despite Garreg Mach prizing itself on being the most prestigious school in the country, their bathrooms were surprisingly mediocre. One tiny shower in the corner, a toilet, a full stand mirror and one sink, there was barely enough room for two people in the bathroom. But Felix didn’t really care, it’s not like he lived in the bathroom right? 

Looking at the mirror, Felix fixed his hair, pulling it back in a messy bun, a few stray hairs framing his face. That was his typical look, basically looking the same every day. His signature look is a black t-shirt, black jeans (sometimes ripped if he’s feeling risky), and a jean jacket, and during the colder season a hoodie under the jean jacket. Very plain, but also, it fit his personality. He didn’t need to wear anything crazy, but he didn’t want to look like a slob. 

Leaving the bathroom, he looked at Sylvain, who was only half-dressed, still standing without a shirt in the middle of the room. Felix sighed. If they were still in high school, Felix would’ve looked away, blushing and yelling something like ‘put on a shirt’, but now he’s gotten used to this, plus Sylvain wasn’t an eyesore to look at. 

Back in the day, days oh so long ago, actually just 3 years ago, Felix had the biggest crush on Sylvain. Why? Who knows? But in high school, Felix couldn’t take his eyes off him, despite Sylvain never even being aware of this situation. Felix’s massive crush really hindered any relationship experience he would have gained, now not even have been in one relationship yet. It was quite sad in all honesty, but now that was behind him. He didn’t care about love, or relationships, or anything in that nature, he wanted to focus on becoming the best he could be, he wanted to be at the top. And the top was often a lonely place.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Sylvain broke his train of thought, a stupid, asshole-ish smirk wiped across his face. It was annoying, he was annoying. Looking away at the other finally put on his shirt, Felix huffed in frustration. 

“You’re a moron.” Was all he could retort with, glaring at the wall he was looking at, but ready to shoot daggers at Sylvain at any given moment. 

“Ya, well. You know you love this moron.”

“I hate you almost as much as I hate the boar.” A quick snap back at the other, which caused Sylvain to laugh. The boar, or better known as Dimitri, was the last one of Felix’s closest friends, the four all knowing each other since childhood. Dimitri made Felix’s blood boil, his optimistic, happy-go-lucky attitude caused Felix to want to hurl whenever he was near him. 

Despite them all knowing each other since childhood, Sylvain was a year older than the rest, still being in the same year as them though. Sylvain took a year off before going to Garreg Mach, wanting to start University with all his friends. Luckily, Sylvain’s football scholarship allowed him to do such without much fuss. An all-paid scholarship to the highest-ranking university in the country just because he could throw around a ball, how trivial. Sylvain didn’t even need to take the entrance test like the rest of them, thus why this complete buffoon was allowed to attend this school - if he had to take the test like everyone else, he’d surely fail. Such a nice way to think about a friend. 

“By the way…” Sylvain broke Felix’s intense thought once more, hesitating before continuing to speak. “I have football practice right after class today, we have to meet the freshmen and all that crap. Could you possibly wait for me at the field, I wanted to buy dinner after since y’know, first day of year two!” He was almost as beamingly optimistic as the boar, and it made him sick. Scowling, he crossed he picked up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he stared at the redhead with a blank expression.

“Fine, if I must.” Felix caved in quite easily, ready to say yes for Sylvain in a heartbeat, but never admitting that out loud. Waiting for Sylvain at their door, the taller finally gathered himself so he was ready to go. 

“Alright, see ya later dude! Don’t forget, meet me by the field at the end of the day, around 4:30 should work!” And with that Sylvain was off, running in the other direction than Felix was heading. Watching as Sylvain rounded the corner to leave the dorms, the purple-haired male could only sigh… those poor new freshmen, they had no clue Sylvain was like a predator who stalked the halls looking for hot girls. A predator with horrible pick up lines, and a pretty bad track record of fucking girls then never calling them back. Felix didn’t endorse this behaviour, but he didn’t really stop it either. 

Letting that thought slip his mind, he made his way towards his class, which was in the next building over. Walking down the stairs and outside, he looked around the University. So many lost freshmen unsure of where to go, what building belonged to what, Felix remembers fondly being in their position. Except now after a year, he has finally memorized his giant schools. 

There were three buildings on campus, one huge one and two smaller ones. The huge one belonged to most of the majors Garreg Mach had to offer, one of the smaller buildings was purely dedicated to art majors, and the other building was dedicated strictly to hands-on, trade type work. Felix was heading to the main building, where one of his needed criminology classes were. 

Ever since Felix was a kid, he wanted to become a detective, he wanted to be strong just like on T.V. He wanted to be praised by everyone, he wanted to be the only one who can save people. He also couldn’t admit he wanted to be able to fight people if needed. 

Before he knew what hit him, he was in his class, one of the hundred lecture halls in just the main building alone. Looking around the class, he didn’t see anyone he knew, oh thank god. He didn’t want to have anyone he knew in his class, especially not the boar. He and Dimitri took the same major, which meant last year they were forced to take every class together. Dimitri loved it, Felix on the other hand, did not. 

But luckily, the boar wasn’t in this class, which meant he was free of the overwhelming positivity. Walking up to the professor, Felix gave a half-assed, rather rude introduction, only saying his name before making his way to the back of the hall. He refused to sit near the front, he knew that’s where all the annoying, full of themselves, people sat. (He didn’t want to be around his own kind.)

Taking out his laptop, he sighed, ready to relax for a moment, before his freedom was quickly ruined. “Felix! Hey!” Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no. He knew that voice, this couldn’t be happening. Glancing over his laptop, he saw bright, bleached blond, hair, that always somewhat reminded him of noodles. The boar was in his class, and his entire year was ruined once again. Standing up abruptly, slamming his hands on the desk in front, he glared at Dimitri. 

“What are you doing here!? Leave!” He commanded as if he could control what classes Dimitri had to take. The blond only laughed in return, thinking Felix was joking around. The professor didn’t seem too pleased with Felix’s sudden outburst, but class hadn’t started, so she could shut up. Sitting back down with frustration apparent on his face, Dimitri plopped down right beside Felix, after giving an overly polite, and extra, introduction to the professor. Ugh. Shut up teacher’s pet. 

“I’m so glad we’re in the same class, it’d be so hard without anyone else I know in the class,” Dimitri admitted while taking out his own supplies for class, fully decked out with all the pens, highlighters, pencils, erasers and paper anyone ever needed. Why did Dimitri have to go above and beyond for everything? It was irritating. Secretly though, he was glad Dimitri was here, now if partner work was every needed, he didn’t have to talk to strangers. 

“Yeah, yeah whatever. Where’s your lapdog?”

“Lapdog?” An innocent, puppy dog look, head tilted. Why does he always have to look so goddamn pure?

“Yeah, Dedue. The one who always follows you around like a stray, as if you’re his god.” Felix snapped back, before looking away from Dimitri, focusing on his laptop screen. The blond made a small ‘Oh’ sound, before sighing. 

“It’s not nice to call him that Felix! And he isn’t like a stray at all. It’s called having friends that actually like your presence.” That sounded meaner than intended. “Also he’s my dormmate, of course we’d be close. It’s like how you and Sylvain are so close.” Dimitri pointed out, a slight smirk apparent on his face. Sadly, Dimitri had come to find out about Felix’s crush on Sylvain back in the day, and he doesn’t make haste to tease him about it whenever he gets the chance. 

“Oh, shut up!” He retorted, before sighing, scratching the side of his head ever so slightly. Even though most of the time he despised Dimitri, they were close, like everyone in their small group. Dimitri was beyond richer than all of his friends, so the four would mainly hang out at his place as children. But when Dimitri’s dad died, they stopped going there as much, this happened when Felix was around ten years old. 

Time seemed to slow in the boring class, wishing he was doing anything else but this. The teacher was droning on about the expectations for her class, Felix barely paying attention. Felix didn’t brag, but he was pretty smart, the smartest person he knew, so really, he didn’t even need to show up to class to know he’d pass with flying colours. Without realizing, the teacher had dismissed the whole class early, Felix being brought out of his daydreaming state from a poke on the shoulder from the taller. 

“Felix, we’re allowed to leave now. I’m going to meet Dedue for lunch, do you wish to join?”

“Hell no.” Felix quickly replied, shutting his laptop and putting it into his bag. Dimitri frowned, crossing his arms. Felix hated that look, Dimitri always thought he was better than him and it disgusted Felix. 

“Well, what’re you going to do then?”

“I’ll find something.” Felix’s response was blank, his serious expression unwavering. Following Dimitri out of the class, they parted ways with a cheery goodbye from the blond, and a grunt from the dark-haired male. 

What was he going to do for 3 hours? He had no other classes today, so really he was just stuck waiting around for Sylvain … just like always. Well, he’ll find something. Hopefully. 


	2. Orange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter, like the next few, is a bit slow-paced... but it's worth it because I have future plans for this already :). also, we get to see a tiny bit of Felix's past in this chapter, not a lot though.

The sun was blaring outside, causing anyone with pale skin to risk an unwanted tan. Felix was pale too say the least, almost ghostly white skin, but luckily he was wearing enough layers to protect him from the sun’s deadly rays. He decided after class he’d rather have some time alone than desperately searching for any of his friends, only to be annoyed by their company. Don’t get him wrong, he loved his friends to death, and he’d do anything for them - but they were so annoying. 

Shading his eyes from the glare above, he noticed a large tree by the field, good - killing two birds with one stone. He could have his much-needed shade and he could also have some time to himself. Walking towards the tree, he barely paid attention to his surroundings, that until he bumped into a much smaller figure, their face right against his chest. He didn’t budge, barely moved back, but whoever he bumped into stumbled back, dropping their books in the process.

Looking down, his eyes focus on a small, orange-haired girl, her hair in two buns. Despite looking neatly put together, she was clearly falling apart in terms of carrying her books. 

“Watch where you’re going,” Felix said without changing expression, towering over the girl, who was stumbling to pick up all the books at her feet. A tinge of guilt settled in him, it was his fault she was scrambling to put herself together. Without saying anything, he bent down and handed her one of the books she had dropped, their hands touching slightly. 

_ ‘Is this some sort of meet-cute sort of thing? Did Sylvain send her in my path?’  _ He couldn’t help but think this as he pulled his hand away, her blushing slightly while his expression remained blank.  _ ‘Nah. Sylvain isn’t that smart to plan something like that out.’ _

Lost in thought, he hadn’t noticed she hand her arms crossed over her chest. “You’re telling  _ me  _ to watch where I’m going!? You’re the one who rammed right into me hardly noticing.” She snapped. Ooh, she bit back, he sort of liked that. 

“Maybe I would’ve seen you if you weren’t the size of a bean.”

“A bean!?”

“Yeah, a bean.” He smirked down at her as if he was looking down on her… metaphorically of course. This caused her to puff out her cheeks, pouting at his insult. Maybe he had taken it too far? Should he apologize? But before he got the chance, the feisty girl bit back with more fire than before.

“Yeah, well at least I don’t look like I just entered my emo phase.” Her insult didn’t hit that deep, but he was impressed that she was trying. Staring her up and down for a second, he crossed his arms. 

“What’s your name?” Out of character to show interest in others besides himself, but he was genuinely curious. He had never seen her around before, so he can only assume she’s a freshman, which his assumptions were quickly proved correct. 

“Annette, I’m a first-year here. And I guess you could say I’m sort of lost.” She laughed nervously, while his stare was unfaltering, unwavering, creepy. He wasn’t trying to be creepy, he was just examining her. Which in his mind didn’t sound creepy, but to everyone else he may have sounded like a stalker. 

“Ah. That makes much more sense now.” He suddenly spoke in his normal, condescending, tone. He didn’t even realize how rude he was sometimes, it just came like second nature to him. He wasn’t always like this, he wasn’t always so callous and cold, or self-centred. But he grew up much faster than his friends, and he matured before everyone else.

“What’s that supposed to mean!?” She broke his train of thought with an offended tone, pouting again. 

“Nothing. Nothing. Just that, your childish nature is now explained.” He didn’t mean to come off as too rude, but he did notice her take some offence to that. He got used to looking down on everyone, building himself to be the best at multiple things, he had to be the best, after all, he strived for nothing less than perfection.

He noticed the girl’s eyes widen after checking her watch, he assumed that she was running late for class. Once again, his assumption was dead on. He watched as panic ran over her face like a wave rushing in, quickly shoving her books into her bag. 

“As much as I love being insulted by you, I have to run! See ya!” And with that, she was gone, sprinting towards the art building as fast as possible. Oh, so she was an art major, that was a bit surprising. He couldn’t help but wonder what she was taking, but he quickly forgot about her when he finally sat in the shade.

Relaxing against the tree behind him, he felt the bark stab against his back for a second, not enough to hurt but enough to cause discomfort for a second. It was much cooler in the shade, and he was grateful for this. Even though he knew it was going to be quite warm today, he opted to wear his jean jacket. Now though, he could use his jean jacket to his benefit. Putting his jacket behind him, he used it as a cushion, relaxing back on it without being stabbed in the back anymore. He looked up into the sky, not a cloud in sight. The sun was bright, illuminating the area around him. Even though it was mid-autumn, the sun was blazing like it was a summer day, it made Felix iffy. He’s never liked summer, it gave him too many bad memories. 

Summer and rain, the smell of dew, and the smell of blood, he hated these things with a passion. Closing his eyes for a moment, he forced those thoughts out of his head. No point dwelling on the past. 

Opening his eyes once more, he looked up at the tree he was under, the green leaves now bright orange. It reminded him of Sylvain’s hair, so fluffy, an orangish-red tint, and how wavy it was. Felix’s face heated up at the thought, shaking his head quickly to ignore it. He doesn’t have feelings for him anymore, he’s moved past that silly crush. He just wanted to stay friends with Sylvain, but part of him wondered what would’ve happened if Felix’s confessed. 

He would be alone for sure. Sylvain only liked girls, and Felix had to learn to move on. But still, he couldn’t help but go back to the memories as a kid of the two promising they’d die together, side by side, holding hands. It was a stupid childhood promise, but it stuck with Felix to this day, Sylvain has probably forgotten about it by now. 

Watching as an orange leaf fell from the tree and right into his open palm, it would be poetic if Felix cared about that stuff. Staring at the orange colour, he scowled, before crushing it and letting it break into pieces. No matter what his thoughts said, he was over Sylvain, he had moved on. 

Hours passed from Felix relaxing under the tree, mindlessly looking at his phone at noting in particular. Looking at the time, it was 4:24 pm, as good a time as any to start heading to the field. Pushing himself up, he slung his bag over his shoulder, and then shoved his jean jacket into it. He wasn’t a big fan of his arms showing, but it was a weird insecurity. 

Felix wasn’t unattractive, not in the slightest. His arms were slender but held a muscular tone from when he used to take fencing lessons. He was a bit below average male height, being only 5’7, he was the shortest male in his friend group. He had long legs, also slender, and he was pretty well built altogether. His face was slightly chiselled, but not enough to stand out, unlike Dedue. His eyes were a piercing auburn colour, which stood out immensely against his pale skin. Overall, he was a decent looking guy. 

Walking over to the bleachers, he leaned on the rail, watching as all the muscly guys huddled together. Felix would be swooning if that was his type, well, Felix didn’t have a type. He just assumed he had a crush on Sylvain back then due to the fact he was the only one there. But why does his heart still yearn for him, he chose to ignore it. But suddenly his eyes met Sylvain’s, and Sylvain sent over one of his signature smiles, a genuine one that would get all the girls to swoon right away. That smile was accompanied with a little wave, the whole gesture caused Felix’s heart to ache, why did he feel this way. 

As Sylvain looked away, Felix did as well. He didn’t realize about a meter away from him sat a smaller boy, wispy silver hair, freckled cheeks, and completely buried into a book. Being as nosy he was, he knelt slightly to see what book it was, it was some sort of textbook about botany. That has to do with plants right? Felix didn’t know much about that stuff, but he never admitted that he was bad at anything. 

When the boy looked up, their eyes met for a second, and green eyes met auburn for what felt like an eternity, but in reality only for a few seconds. The silver hair boy sent Felix a nervous smile, which caused Felix to tilt his head slightly. Oh no, another awfully optimistic person. Luckily though, he didn’t have to ever get to know the silver-haired male. 

Practice was over, the sun was starting set, and Sylvain came running up to the bleachers, looking up at Felix with his signature goofy smile, beside him, a blue-haired boy he had never seen before. Another freshman? 

“Hey, Felix! I’m glad you remembered to wait for me.” Sylvain laughed slightly, causing Felix’s heart to sting slightly. Did Sylvain think that lowly of him? No. Of course not.  _ You’re overthinking.  _ He knew Sylvain didn’t have a real mean bone in his body. 

Scowling at the other, he looked away with a grimace. “As tempted as I was to leave you behind, I decided to hold up my end of the deal. You now owe me dinner, you did say you would pay.”

“H-Hey! When did I say that!?”

“I just assumed because you said you wanted to take me out for dinner.”

“Hey Sylvain, is this your boyfriend?” A sudden loud, booming voice stopped the two’s boys banter almost immediately. Felix scoffed at the blue-haired boy who asked the question, while Sylvain was blushing furiously, trying to defend himself. Felix knew that Sylvain was all talk and no game. 

“Of course not. Why would I date someone like Sylvain!?” Felix protested, seeming all high and mighty, but inside, he was screaming. Were Sylvain and Felix so close it seemed as if they were dating? Felix couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

“Ouch! That hurts! But no we aren’t dating, Caspar. I’m straight.” Those words hit like daggers into Felix’s heart, but he was skilled at hiding his pain. Caspar responded with a small ‘oh right.’ before turning to Felix again. 

“‘M Caspar, I’m a freshman here and Sylvain promised to show me the ropes!” Caspar seemed like a mini Sylvain, except for the part that Sylvain flirts with everything that moves.

“Felix.” Was all Felix said to introduce himself, finding it a waste to talk too much to a person he just met, even though Caspar did seem like a friendly guy altogether. Caspar’s eyes drift away to the silver-haired boy who was still buried in his book, completely enthralled by whatever plants he was reading about. 

“I would introduce you to my friend over there if he ever gets his head out of that damn book!” Caspar yelled in the boy’s direction, causing him to jump in surprise. Green eyes suddenly dart up, and an apology is suddenly stammered out without any warning. 

“S-Sorry Caspar! I didn’t even realize your practice was done! How did it go? Who are these guys?” The boy’s voice was incredibly soft, sweet, as he made his way to the railing Felix was already leaning on. 

“Stop being such a space cadet! Anyways, the guy beside me is Sylvain, and the emo looking one is Felix.” This is the second time today he was called emo, and on top of that, he didn’t need some freshman introducing him for him. Caspar was noisy, to say the least.

“Oh! You two must be second years then! It’s nice to meet you, I’m Ashe!” The smaller boy stuck out his hand to Felix, a small grin on his face. His name was fitting for his hair colour, an ashy grey, it was gorgeous - wait what? Ignoring that thought, Felix stuck out his hand, shaking the others. In that split second, time seemed to stop. Their hands only touched for a spare moment, but Felix felt something shift inside him, something strange. It was like he was going to throw up. His stomach felt weak as if there were butterflies in it. He didn’t get this feeling when his hand touched Annette’s earlier, so why was this different?

Pulling away from his hand, he tried to ignore the feeling. He was probably just hungry, that’s it. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday, so it’s not a surprise his stomach would feel weak, he’s starving. 

Felix had zoned out longer than he thought, the other three talking amongst themselves, but he was brought back to reality when Sylvain suggested something wild. 

“Why don’t you two join us for dinner tonight? I invited a bunch of my friends as a hoorah to the first day of school!”  _ Oh. _

Felix thought it was a special dinner between the two, but why was he so devastated when he was told other people were going to be coming? Sylvain’s were his friends, well, most of them at least. There were a few friends he talked about that Felix didn’t know and didn’t care to meet, but he guessed now he was being forced to meet them. 

“Hell yeah, we’ll come!” Caspar spoke for both of them before Ashe interjected something, seemingly worried, tone wavering. 

“Caspar! We promised we’d meet Linhardt after though!” Ashe protested, leaning on the rail slightly to get closer to Caspar. The blue-haired boy tilted his head, before jumping up like he came up with a brilliant idea. 

“We’ll invite him too! He needs to make new friends anyways! That’s okay, right Sylvain?”

“Yeah, of course!”

_ It’s not okay with me! _

“Sylvain, who else is coming?” Felix suddenly spoke up after minutes of being silent, arms crossed, looking slightly downcast. But Sylvain, of course, did not notice this in the slightest. Sylvain was many things if not oblivious to people’s emotions.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure you know them all!” Sylvain did know that Felix wasn’t the best in crowds of new people, so hopefully, he was right about Felix knowing them all. Felix just wanted to grab a quick bite and get to studying, and now, he was being forced into a hellish situation. This is going to suck. 


	3. Mad In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooh, what's this? Sylvain's POV? you betcha! I decided that Sylvain deserved a POV, of course not as much as Felix's but now we get to see into the mind of Sylvain. Not to spoil anything but, his mind a little wack.

Light peaked into the shared room and illuminated the other’s face, Sylvain staring in awe. Felix was still fast asleep, Sylvain unable to sleep. He was nervous. Football practice was today, yeah, that’s all he was worried about. Sitting in bed, he remained silent as Felix started getting ready, not as much as saying a hi to his best friend. That hurt a little, so Sylvain decided he will start the conversation when Felix was ready. 

“Aren’t you excited? It’s the first day and you already look like you want to kill everyone in this whole damn school. Lighten up a little, Felix, just think about all the hot babes going to this school this year.” Sylvain broke the silence, looking at the other who was sitting on the edge of his bed. Watching as the other scowled, he couldn’t help but laugh a little internally. But his internal monologue of laughter was cut short by a jab by the other, his words digging deep. 

“Shut up, Sylvain. If I’m not mistaken, aren’t you dating Ingrid anyways?”  _ Oh god no.  _ Sylvain’s face turned into a sort of sadness until it quickly went back to his usual, over the top expression, a big grin on his face. He feigned choking on his spit, to make it seem like he was surprised by the other’s words. He was used to masking his emotions like this, he hadn’t been honest with Felix in a while. If he was, everything would fall apart.

“You know it’s not like that! She isn’t interested in me, especially after I hit on her grandma.” He retorted, a soft laugh escaping his lips as he took off his shirt, beginning to get ready for the first day. He slapped his face a few times, giving himself a pep talk, something that he usually does before big games. 

_ You can do this! Just invite him out to dinner. It’s nothing major, and if he says no, play it off as a joke!  _

When Felix had come back into the room, he was still half-naked, something he was quite used too at this point. Sylvain used to feel bad since back in high school, Felix always seemed so uncomfortable. But now things had died down, and Felix seemed comfortable with him, just like they were as children. Sylvain’s mind couldn’t help but wander to the promise they made together as children, that they would die together, holding hands, happy. Sylvain never forgot that promise, it stuck with him like a chip on his shoulder. 

After a bit more banter back and forth, Sylvain finally mustered up the nerve to ask him.  _ Just get it over with! Pretend it’s like a bandaid and do it quickly. _

“By the way…” He hesitated, he was scared.  _ You can do this. You can do this. You can do this!  _ “I have football practice right after class today, we have to meet the freshmen and all that crap. Could you possibly wait for me at the field, I wanted to buy dinner after since y’know, first day of year two!”  _ YES!  _ He got it out without becoming a mess before his best friend. 

Felix seemed so reluctant to say yes, but he did nonetheless. This was a huge win!

“Alright, see ya later dude! Don’t forget, meet me by the field at the end of the day, around 4:30 should work!” And with that, he ran off before Felix could say another word, sprinting out of pure excitement down the hall.

He knows he has the player image, and he keeps that up as a defence mechanism, making sure people wouldn’t get suspicious of him. But there was a secret he was keeping from everyone, something he could barely admit to himself. 

He was in love with Felix.

He wasn’t too sure when this feeling for Felix sprouted, maybe it had always been there and he just hid it. Or more like, he was forced to hide it. If his brother found out he was bi, that would be the end for him. He’d get killed right at that moment. So he had to keep it a secret, and soon he forgot about his feelings for Felix. But they rose up again not too long ago, and now they wouldn’t fade. 

Maybe it was after his last breakup when he realized he really had feelings for Felix. He was dating this girl Dorathea, and they ended on good terms, and they still talk from time to time, but Sylvain knew they weren’t meant to be. At the time he thought it was because Sylvain couldn’t be tied down, but now he realized it’s because of Felix. It’s always been because of Felix. 

Their friendship is far from normal, even Sylvain realized this. Maybe it was one-sided, but Sylvain had always been protective over Felix, but it just got worse when Felix lost  _ him.  _ Either way, however he came to it, he couldn’t deny his overwhelming love for Felix.

In class, he sat beside his friend Hilda, basically his partner in crime. Besides the childhood friend group, Hilda was his closest friend. They would gossip together, pull pranks together, anything you can name. They even dated for a blink of an eye, but they realized they were better off as friends. Hilda was also the only one who knew about Sylvain’s feelings for Felix, since if Sylvain told his childhood friends, he knew they wouldn’t be able to hold their tongue, especially Ingrid.

“Wait, you asked him out to dinner? Does he know it’s a date?” Hilda whispered to Sylvain, who was pretending to be listening to their lesson. Sylvain sighed and glanced at Hilda with a nervous expression, one he didn’t wear often. 

“Well no. Not exactly. I didn’t say it was a date…” Sylvain scratched the back of his neck nervously as Hilda giggled, punching his shoulder lightly. 

“You must really like him if he makes you this nervous … but there is a problem Sylvi -” Sylvi was Hilda’s nickname for him, his nickname for her being ‘Hils’. They thought they were just so adorable, but really, everyone else found them annoying. Sylvain cocked a brow at the other’s input, there was a problem? What’s the problem!?

“If Felix doesn’t know this is a date, what’s going to stop him from walking out when he realizes it is? We both know Felix is a big fan of romance whatsoever.” 

“Felix isn’t like that, he wouldn’t - actually. Yeah, you’re right he’ll probably walk out.” Sylvain pouted, placing his head in his hands. He felt like such an idiot, he should’ve told Felix this was a date, now it was too late. Now he was going to be left alone at a fancy restaurant, well, not fancy but … listen, Mcdonalds can be fancy sometimes. Hilda placed her hand on his back, rubbing it softly to soothe him.

“Don’t fret, Sylvi. We can salvage this. We’ll just say its a group hangout instead, so then you aren’t faced with cold, hard, rejection.” She laughed slightly, which caused Sylvain to whine, throwing his arms up in exasperation. This earned a scowl from his professor, and him telling Sylvain to shut up. 

“I guess that could work…” Sylvain’s hushed voice replied, looking at Hilda with watery eyes. She made a small ‘aw’ in return, before kissing his cheek. 

“Why don’t you just fuck him, you guys share a dorm after all.” 

“That would ruin everything!” He screamed, earning laughs from his classmates and his teacher scolding him for not paying attention. Hilda howled in laughter before putting her hand back on his body. She felt a little bad for him, but it was hidden by her teasing. 

“Text all your close friends, tell them that we’re going out for dinner. I’ll invite Marianne and Mercedes, so don’t worry about those two. Also, I think Mercedes has a freshman friend, Annette I believe, I’m sure she’ll be coming too.” Hilda claimed, already pulling out his phone. 

Sylvain sighed, at least he could spend time with Felix, even if that meant being in a big group of people. Any time with Felix was time well spent. He took out his phone and began to text Dimitri, knowing that he’d bring Dedue, and the two were easy to convince. 

Dimitri replied in record time, saying they’d love to come, after lecturing Sylvain about texting in class, even though Dimitri was also texting in class. Man, he could be such a hypocrite sometimes. 

He then texted Ingrid, who was much harder to convince than Dimitri. She was not as kind, not as social as the young, princely like figure that was Dimitri. But she reluctantly agreed, just like Felix.

Football practice rolled around and there were many new people, all freshmen, all ready to show off their skills. Football practice was usual, everyone pushing and shoving, getting all sweaty, it was a great time! In the changing room, he saw a tuff of blue hair from around the corner, sitting on one of the benches. It was after practice, most of the people had already gone home, but not this kid. Peeking around the corner, and he was greeted with blue eyes staring at him in amazement. 

“You Sylvain right? You were so amazing in practice! You have to train me to be as strong as you!” The blue-haired kid stood up, he was short, really short. Shorter than Felix type of short. This kid got a football scholarship? He must be a beast on the field… awesome!

“You want me to train you? I’m not the best on the team you know.”

“I know that! But you seem like the nicest in all honesty.” 

Sylvain was a bit flattered, face tinted red from the compliment. A laugh escaped his lips, before ruffling the other’s hair. “What’s your name, kid?”

“Caspar!”

“Well Caspar, consider it your lucky day! The great playboy, Sylvain, will help you both on the field, and in love. Be prepared, for now, I am your mentor!” A large smile as he looked down at the other, who seemed confused about the love part, but he was beaming nonetheless. 

Running towards Felix, he admired how beautiful he looked with the sun setting behind him, leaning on the bar in front of him. Sylvain almost blushed at the sight, but he tried to stay calm. After a booming conversation, he met Ashe, Caspar’s friend. But something seemed off when Ashe and Felix shook hands, Felix hesitated and left his hand a little longer there than normal. And the look on Felix’s face was one that was one Sylvain has never seen before, Felix looked in love for that split second. 

Something tugged at Sylvain’s heartstrings, jealousy? No. If he truly loved Felix, he would let Felix be free. But despite all this, the look on Felix’s face faded in a moment’s time, looking back to his same, cute, disgruntled, self. There’s the man he loved. 

Soon enough, the four of them were waiting for the rest of the group in the main courtyard, Sylvain still a bit disappointed this wasn’t alone time with Felix any more. But Sylvain didn’t care, Felix was here and that’s all that counted. Plus, Felix looked so beautiful right now. He didn’t have his jean jacket on, so his perfect arms were showing. His hair was coming out ever so slightly, but the bun remained somewhat intact, and his face had a slight tint of red to it, probably from the heat. He was glistening in the sun, he looked perfect, but he couldn’t help but notice another pair of eyes on him. 

Ashe.

Luckily Felix didn’t notice Ashe’s gaze, good,  _ he’s only mine to look at.  _ No! Don’t think like that, Felix was his own person, don’t try to control him. Felix’s eyes met his own, and he flashed a goofy smile. 

“What are you staring at?” Felix snapped, before looking away, was he blushing ever so slightly?  _ That’s so cute!  _ Sylvain felt his heart bursting out of his chest. 

“Linhardt! There you are! Took you a while!” Caspar yelled, rushing over to the figure approaching. The one known as Linhardt was tall, really tall, maybe a little bit taller than Sylvain. He was lanky as well, and his green hair was super long, this being tied up in a messy ponytail. The tall boy wore a worn-out hoodie, a stain on it, and it was very baggy, and he was wearing black sweatpants as well. Overall, he looked tired, and like he didn’t want to be here. 

“Why am I here?” A yawn from the tall boy, covering his mouth as well. Sylvain stood up with a grin, and he waved lightly. 

“Hi! Nice to meet ya’ Linhardt. I’m Sylvain, and this is Felix.” Sylvain pointed at Felix, who was still sitting, not even paying attention. Sylvain punched Felix, which caught his attention.

“Huh? Oh. Hi.” Felix awkwardly spoke, staring at Linhardt for a second before going back to thinking. Sylvain only wished he knew what was going on in Felix’s head, lately, he always seemed like he was spacing out. It was cute but weird.

After Linhardt agreed to come with them, saying that he would probably nap when they got to the restaurant, they only had to wait for Dimitri, Dedue, Hilda, Marianne, Mercedes, Annette and Ingrid. Maybe 12 people was a bit much, but this was all of his closest friends. 

“Sylvi! We’re here!” Hilda called out, running towards Sylvain with open arms to engulf him in a hug, behind trailed Marianne. Hugging Hilda, a laugh escapes the redhead’s lips. When the hug finished, Sylvain greeted Marianne, who just muttered a ‘hi’ before sitting beside Felix. Those two got along more than Sylvain thought, maybe it’s because they were both quiet. 

When the final three arrived, the group sent off on their way, all talking amongst themselves. Yet between Ingrid and Caspar talking to Sylvain, Sylvain barely got a chance to talk to Felix, this was going to suck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to make Sylvain not too creepy, esp since I love him and I want him to be happy as well. He will be happy I promise you. Though this will most likely end up as Ashe and Felix in the end, there will be tones of Sylvain and Felix moments too. :)


	4. Night Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back to Felix's POV because wowza a lot of stuff happens in this chapter. I'm getting the hang out writing stuff again, but it's a bit all over the place none the less. Also, chapters are going to start getting longer for no on.

Heading towards the restaurant after introductions to all the people he has yet to meet, meeting the girl he bumped into earlier that day officially. This introduction being sparked by Annette screaming “It’s you! The emo guy!” which had caused Felix to yell back at her, and was followed by a minute-long argument. He really did enjoy Annette’s company, she wasn’t overwhelmingly optimistic. He was glad to see Marianne and Mercedes again, those two being much more tolerable than the rest. Mercedes was like the group mom, being the oldest in the group and in her third year, apparently, she was also childhood friends with Annette. He wasn’t as glad to see Hilda again, he wasn’t a big fan of her. It felt like Hilda was manipulating Sylvain at times. 

Everyone walked in groups, Ingrid, Sylvain and Caspar in one, Dimitri, Dedue, Annette and Mercedes in another, Hilda was currently bothering the two most tired-looking people, Linhardt and Marianne. And trailing behind the group, Felix and Ashe walking silent in an awkward tension, maybe not awkward but … weird. Felix’s heart felt weird walking beside Ashe, a similar feeling he got around Sylvain - but he still wasn’t sure what he felt for Sylvain anymore.

As the group ate, talked, enjoyed themselves, four people sat off on the side, horribly quiet. Dedue, Marianne, Linhardt and Felix, himself. Felix didn’t want to be here, and the other 3 didn’t seem like it either. Dedue was watching over Dimitri as if he was protecting him, how cute. Linhardt was fast asleep on the Mcdonald's table, using his arms as a pillow. Marianne was fiddling with her hands, sitting close to Felix. Felix knew first hand Marianne sometimes got overwhelmed in large crowds, so he would be there for her if she needed it. 

Marianne and Felix had been friends since middle school, so they talked a lot, mainly over the phone since she was the fondest of face to face conversations.

There was one more person who wasn’t talking, Ashe, yet it seemed as if he was enjoying himself. Though he didn’t know Ashe for very long, he noticed something quite fast, Ashe was able to gel into any situation. He just seemed so friendly, even when silent, he seemed different. Why was Felix so enamoured by this boy? It was because of their hands touching, Felix needed to know why he felt so different. 

Ashe looked in Felix’s direction, their eyes locking for the second time today. His green eyes were gorgeous, wait no. He was already dealing with odd feelings for Sylvain, he can’t start dealing with other people as well. So he would ignore Ashe for now, pretend he didn’t exist, that wouldn’t be too hard. Felix went back to focusing on Marianne, who was staring at Hilda. 

“Are you okay, Marianne?” Felix actually sounded concerned, the girl stiffening at the question. It seemed as if she was spacing out, the English major shaking her head. There were bags under her eyes, it looked like she hadn’t slept in days. In all honesty, Felix was a bit worried. Marianne was the only sane one in the group, so he couldn’t lose her. Not that he’d care to admit that out loud. 

Marianne looked at Felix with a small smile, it was faked but it was nice that she tried at least. “I’m fine, just tired.” Felix knew that wasn’t the entire truth, but he wasn’t the type to push people to talk if they didn’t want too. 

“Would you like me to take you back to your dorm?” It was a genuine offer, honestly, he didn’t want to be here anymore. Not anything against his friends, he liked all of them, even the ones he just met. Sylvain always had a knack to make good friends, and Felix was lucky enough to piggyback on that.

“A-Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to be a burden…” She stammered out nervously, glancing at Hilda before looking back down at the ground. Felix shook his head at her response, clearly, he was already getting ready to go. It was late anyway, it was dark, and he would hate to be here when someone else, Sylvain, gets them all in trouble. 

“Don’t be stupid. I’ll take you home, you need your rest.” Felix was persistent about taking her home, which earned a real smile from the blue-haired girl. Standing up, none of the people talking even noticed, he took Marianne’s hand in his. It was platonic, but he felt like someone was watching. 

Felix tapped on Dedue’s shoulder, trying to get his attention. “Hey, lapdog. I’m taking Marianne home, she’s tired. If someone asks, tell them we left.” Felix wasn’t trying to be rude, but in all honesty, he wanted to leave as soon as possible, he too, was getting overwhelmed by being loud in a Mcdonalds late at night. Dedue nodded, and with that, he began to walk away. Walking with Marianne to the door, before he opened it he felt a tap upon his shoulder. Turning his head he was greeted by those gorgeous green eyes again -  _ STOP! _

“Do you mind if I leave with you guys?” Ashe spoke softly, as usual, kind and overly sweet. Felix usually hated people like this, but Ashe was different. It was like he was using his sweet voice to hide something, something about his past. Felix was so curious, but he’s not going to push it. They weren’t close enough for that, a simple hand touch didn’t mean they were close friends. 

“Why?” He asked, a little harsher than he intended, beside him, Marianne had her head on Felix’s shoulder, already dozing off. She must’ve haven’t slept in days, why did she do this to herself. Was being an English major that hard? No, this was something else. It was like she tried to sleep, but she couldn’t. Something must be on her mind. 

“I’m a bit tired as all.” Ashe scratched the back of his neck, a small laugh escaping his lips in the process. Felix decided to give in, despite how awkward it would be. As the three left, he felt eyes on him again, but he decided not to turn around to see. As he left, he heard Sylvain laughing along with everyone else, and it pained his heart that he didn’t even notice that Felix left. He must really not care about him. 

It didn’t take him a second to notice Marianne was dragging behind, practically half-asleep as she walked. Without warning, he stopped in his tracks, they haven’t even left the parking lot yet and she was already tired. Ashe stopped a little bit ahead of them, after taking a moment to realize he was walking alone. 

“Ashe, take my bag.” Felix held out the bag that was slung over his shoulder, waiting for the smaller to take it without question. Felix was demanding, and he didn’t even notice half of the time. But that didn’t stop Ashe from complying without question, taking the older’s bag, realizing it was heavier than he expected. 

Suddenly bending down, he picked up Marianne, wrapping her arms around his neck, and he held her legs up. Giving her a piggyback with ease, he began to walk side by side with Ashe in silence again. Marianne was beyond light, she was small, but also she did not eat a lot. Hell, when everyone was eating at Mcdonalds she didn’t take a bite, she didn’t even steal a fry. She was really going through something. 

Walking side by side with Ashe, the campus was about 15 minutes away, so 15 minutes of awkward silence. Or at least, that’s what Felix thought, but Ashe quickly started making conversation with him. Oh, so he was afraid of silence as well. 

Despite being completely oblivious to other people’s visible feelings, Felix had a knack to be able to tell what people were thinking, and Ashe clearly did not want to be stuck walking side by side in silence. That or … he had other motives. No. Don’t think like that. Ashe was clearly an innocent, sweet boy, he had no other motives. 

“So what’s your major?” Ashe had asked, not glancing at Felix in the slightest. Something was wrong, Ashe was trembling ever so slightly, but Felix praised himself in not trying to butt into other people’s information. 

“Criminology,” Felix answered bluntly, walking slower subconsciously. Maybe he wanted the walk to last a little longer, just maybe. 

“Oh neat! My major is-”

“Botany. I know. So you like plants?” Felix raised a brow, waiting at the red light beside Ashe. Cars sped by, making both of their hair blow in the wind, at this point Felix’s hair was completely down. When his hair was down, Felix looked much more gentle and approachable, despite not being approachable at all, like, whatsoever. But for some reason, Ashe had no problem walking up to him and talking to him like they were long lost friends, lost souls. It seemed as if this light was taking forever, at least to Felix.

“Yeah. Well, actually… At first, I didn't, but when I got adopted with my siblings… My father introduced me to them and I used them to take my mind off... stuff. And now, I find them beyond fascinating.” Ashe spoke, a bit of hesitance in his voice. Why was Ashe so willing to open to him with ease? The light turned green, and the two crossed in silence. Ashe fiddled with his hands, he looked nervous, even before opening up. Maybe Felix can ease his nerves?

“Yeah I get it, sometimes taking your mind off something is the best way to keep living. As pathetic as it is, I sort of relate.” Felix was trying to be nice at least, looking at Ashe for a quick moment, but when their eyes met, Felix quickly turned away. The sidewalk soon faded like in residential neighbourhoods, so the two walked on the road. He felt Marianne’s breath against his neck, and she stirred slightly in her sleep. She wasn’t having a good dream that’s for sure. 

Unknowing what to do, she suddenly stopped moving when a gentle hand touched her back, Ashe’s. He was now shoulder to shoulder with Felix, which caused the butterflies in his stomach once more. Why though? He had already eaten, so why did his stomach feel uneasy. He felt like throwing up. Ever since Felix was a kid, whenever he had an unknown feeling, he would throw up, so now his brain was wired that way. His brain only knew the emotions anger, resentment and love for Sylvain. Or at least, that’s what he thought love felt like. 

Breaking out of his thoughts, he looked down at Ashe, in return he only offered a smile. “As a kid, I used to take care of my younger siblings, so I know what to do if someone has a nightmare.” He really was the perfect caretaker, the perfect smile, the perfect person. His heart felt twisted for a second. Is this what it felt like to have a real friend beyond the three he grew up with. 

Ingrid and Felix had grown apart after a certain incident, an incident he doesn’t care to remember. The Boar and Felix hadn’t grown apart, but Felix couldn’t deny the underlying tension. No one knew Dimitri like Felix did, not even his lapdog. And honestly, Dimitri struck fear in him. And well, Sylvain and he were extremely close, especially after the incident, when Felix had fallen off the rails, Sylvain was there. But, Felix had been distancing himself, after all, he had feelings for his best friend, or what he assumed were feelings for him. He didn’t know what to feel anymore, he was used to being numb. 

“I see.” All he could reply with, before looking away once more. Everything he looked at Ashe, his stomach hurt and his heart twisted, maybe it was disgust. No, that wasn’t it.  _ This boy was too cute to feel disgusted.  _ Don’t think that!

Finally making it back to the dorms after 30 minutes of talking, getting to know each other, he found himself enjoying Ashe’s company. It was weird, he only felt this way around Sylvain, but again, this was different. Where Sylvain made Felix question everything, Ashe made Felix feel calm. It was his soothing voice, and his perfect calming attitude, but knowing he’s gone through something that made him mature quickly. Maybe Felix felt calmer around Ashe because he could relate to him. Ashe lit his dull heart up with joy, but he would never, ever, say this out loud. 

After dropping Marianne off at her dorm, tucking her in bed, and even leaving a note for Hilda asking to not wake her, courtesy of Ashe. If Felix was alone, he would’ve just dropped her in bed and left, but Ashe was much more gentle. He tucked her in bed, put a glass of water beside her bedside, and made sure that clothes were already picked for her for the next day. Felix watched silently as Ashe did this, a brow-raising. Curiosity. That’s why Felix stayed around so long, that’s why Felix wanted to get to know Ashe more. Not out of some confusing love feelings, no, he was curious about Ashe’s life. For once, he would butt in. 

As they shut the door to Marianne’s dorm, they both leaned on the wall beside it. “O-Oh your bag.” Ashe stammered out, before handing Felix his bag. He was grateful that Ashe remembered to give it to him because he honestly forgot Ashe was holding onto it. They walked towards Ashe’s dorm, Felix dropping him off before going back to his own. When they arrived, they both stopped there, looking away from each other.

“Can I have your number?” Ashe spoke, holding out his phone in the process. Felix stared at him in a confused state, head tilted, eyes wide, like a confused dog. 

“Why?”

“So I can talk to you, silly.” Ashe’s playful tease caused his heart to hurt, but he tried to ignore it as he entered his number into Ashe’s phone, before handing it back to him. 

“Guess I’ll see you around.” Felix sounded a tad sad, which Ashe took note of. Ashe opened the door to his dorm, about to walk inside when he stopped in his tracks. Turning around, he looked at Felix with a bright smile. 

“Do you want to eat lunch with me tomorrow?” This caused a slight smile to even appear on Felix’s lips, but it faded quickly. Nodding in response, he assured Ashe he’d text him about the details, before wishing him goodnight and walking away. 

The dorms were silent alone, hands in his pocket, bag dangling from his shoulder as he made his way to his dorm. It was eerie, unsettling, his heart rate increased slightly. Picking up the pace, he continued up the stairs to the third floor, where his room was. He felt as if someone’s eyes were on him, but he tried to ignore it. Shadow lingering behind him, but he swore he saw someone else's. His breathing picked up the pace, hands clenched in his pocket. He was strong enough to defend himself, after all, he was trying to become a detective, so he had to know how to defend himself. Maybe that’s why he was so curious about Ashe, Felix wanted to become a detective, after all, it was their jobs to unravel mysteries. Panic ran through his body, he felt as if he was being chased through his footsteps could only be heard. Run. Run fast. 

Before he knew what hit him, he was at his dorm, fumbling with the keys and running in the house, slamming the door behind him. He shoved his body against the door as if he was barricading it from a threat that wasn’t there. Was it all in his head? Was he going crazy?

Ever since he was 12 he felt eyes on him, maybe because he was so outspoken, and he wasn’t afraid to start a fight. He felt like he was being watched around every corner when he was alone, sometimes it was hard to fully relax. He was on edge, maybe that’s why he was always so rude. Someone was out to get him, he knew it. But he couldn’t do anything about it, he felt helpless. 

Sliding down the door, he fell to his knees in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. He was still in a panicked state, feeling sick to his stomach. Fear was a rare feeling, but this was one of the times he was truly afraid. Shakily pulling out his phone, he was going to text Sylvain, hovering over his contact for a moment, but then he stopped. Sylvain wouldn’t care, he was out having fun. 

So he went to the next best thing, Ashe. He was very vague about his texts, not wanting to worry the other at all. Ashe probably had enough on his plate. 

(12:34 am) Felix: Ashe?

(12:34 am) Felix: I have a question.

No response from the other for a few moments, his heart sank. What if he wasn’t crazy. What if he was being followed, and they hurt Ashe, or Sylvain, or any of his friends. His breathing picked up the pace again, the sudden buzz from his phone scaring him, sending him jumping. But then when he realized it was just his phone, he calmed down slightly. 

(12:36 am) Ashe: What’s up? :) 

That smiley face, it oddly calmed him down just thinking about Ashe’s big smile. Then he thought about Sylvain’s goofy smile as well, both of them together making his heart warm for a moment. 

(12:36 am) Felix: Did you feel like you were being followed while we were walking?

No response again, wasting minutes upon minutes. He just stared at his phone, no bubbles showing he was typing, nothing. Being left on delivered. God, please answer. Felix’s mind wandered to the worst place right away.  _ Don’t be dead, please!  _ Then the bubbles came up, and a sense of relief filled his entire body. 

(12:45 am) Ashe: Sorry I was brushing my teeth.

(12:45 am) Ashe: But no I didn’t, why?

(12:45 am) Ashe: Are you okay?

Felix hesitated, before smiling.

(12:45 am) Felix: Yeah, I'm fine. Don’t worry about it. Go to bed.

And with that, he put his phone back in his pocket. He was finally calming down when he noticed the doorknob starting to jiggle as if someone was trying to break in. This sent Felix into full panic mode, standing up and throwing his bag to the side, stepping to the side of the door so when it opened he could throw a punch right away. 

When the door opened, he threw a punch stopping at the very last minute when he saw who it was. Stopping in his tracks, his expression softened slightly. It was just Sylvain, yet his hand didn’t move an inch, still right before the other’s nose. Sylvain clearly looked like he was in shock, raising his hands in defence. 

“W-Whoa! Felix! Calm down, it’s me!” Sylvain protests, causing Felix to lower his guard fully. His breathing was heavy, it was erratic, taking a step back. When he knew it was safe, Sylvain slowly lowered his hands. Felix, on the other hand, was still looking like he was ready to throw a punch at any second. Before Felix could react, the door was closed, and arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Felix’s arms hung at his side, his breathing slowly steadying. 

“What happened? Why were you about to punch me? Did someone hurt you?” Sylvain’s questions were filled with worry, but he was still calm and soothing. Felix didn’t move a muscle, he didn’t answer. Despite the taller of the two being very physically affectionate, the purple-haired male still wasn’t used to it, ever since he met Sylvain, he wasn’t used to it. 

Felix answered after minutes of silence, just standing in front of the door in a hug. Speaking softly, yet stern. He doesn’t let himself ever become vulnerable, even in front of Sylvain, the person he trusted most. He hasn’t cried since he was 13, he wasn’t about too now.  _ Despite how much I want to cry… _

“Nothing. I’m fine. I was practicing my punches.” A horrible excuse, pushing the other off of him, sighing as he brushed himself off. Glancing away, he couldn’t even bear to look at Sylvain in the eyes. Walking to his bed, he sat on the edge, trying to calm his heart and brain down. On the outside, he looked fine now, his composed, cocky self, but inside, he felt himself falling apart. 

“Even a guy like me needs to practice working on my muscles. Not everyone is a strong football player, like yourself.” Felix hadn’t even meant to compliment the other, but he was too busy focusing on his internal struggle.  _ Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.  _ His breathing was heavy for a second, Sylvain still standing by the door to their room. He turned on the lights, which caused his eyes to narrowed at the sudden light, his eyes trying to adjust.

Sylvain’s look was serious, unfaltering. Felix has never seen him like this, it was a bit concerning, he didn’t like this. He didn’t like that everything was suddenly changing. His stalker was getting closer to him. A new boy in his life made him beyond confused about his feelings. And now his best friend was serious, Sylvain, the playboy, the goofball, serious. It was terrifying. But he didn’t let his fear show, instead, he kept it buried inside, unable to express it. 

“You’re lying to me, you really think I wouldn’t be able to tell by now. You have obvious tells.” This took Felix by surprise, eyes widening slightly. Sylvain’s tone was strict, as he stepped towards Felix’s bed. His eyes darted away from Sylvain, nervousness filling his body. But on the outside, it seemed as if he was doing just fine. 

“Oh, do I now?” A snarky remark from Felix, brow-raising. Part of him was somewhat curious about what his tells were, so he could perfect them and make sure no one could call him out again. Sylvain sat beside Felix on the bed, looking at him with worry in his eyes. 

“Yeah, for one. You don’t compliment people, ever.” 

“Well, that’s not true!” Felix protested, was he really seen as that mean. Maybe he should change his attitude. No. He wanted to be at the top, and the top was lonely. If people couldn’t handle his truth, then they shouldn’t be around him. 

“Felix, what happened?” Sylvain pushed again, causing Felix to be rendered silent, looking away. Part of him wants to tell Sylvain, but he’s been lying for this long, might as well carry on the lie. Though, his brain screamed it. 

_ I’m being stalked and I fear I’m putting you, Ashe, and all my friends in danger. I may be killed at any second and I can’t tell a soul, because they might kill you! _

Felix didn’t say anything though, his eyes just closed, breathing out a sigh before changing the conversation. “I’m tired. I’ll tell you tomorrow okay?” a lie, but he needed an excuse to get Sylvain off of his back. Sylvain sighed until he scooted closer to the other, Felix stiffening. 

“Fine. You can tell me tomorrow. But… Can I sleep in your bed tonight? With you? Like how we used to as kids?” Sylvain asked, his tone seemed genuine and innocent like all he wanted to do was protect Felix. He was overthinking it again, but part of him wished it was true. His heart started to pick up the face, his face tinted red. 

“Are you blushing Felix?” And that earned a punch in the gut from Felix, not full force, but enough to hurt. Felix clearly got his message across because Sylvain then muttered a few apologies. Felix laughed slightly, but it was fake, and it was more snarky than anything. 

“Fine, if you want to sleep beside me, you can if you wish.” Felix acted as if he didn’t want this, as if he didn’t want the chance to cuddle close to the older once more, just like they were children again. He missed his youth sometimes, but he wouldn’t think about that right now.

They both fell asleep in the clothes they were wearing, not bothering to change, they were both too tired. Sylvain fell asleep quite fast, hugging Felix close on his side, but Felix laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. He was living in fear, and that night he didn’t get any sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you guess who's stalking Felix? probably not because they haven't been introduced yet. anyways, I realized everyone might be slightly OOC at times just to fit with my story ideas but I also have tons of headcanons for each character. ALSO, MARIANNE AND FELIX GETTING THEIR MUCH NEEDED FRIENDSHIP GIVES ME PURE JOY.


	5. Lake Shenanigans and Broken Noses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOO this is gonna be a long chapter so strap in and enjoy the ride. and I'll warn you now it is a bit all over the place, but I think it ends up pretty well.

Felix was awake for the sunrise, the other snuggled up close to him, his heart had been calmed from the night before. Now he laid awake, wondering about the stalker that didn’t seem to leave him alone for almost 7 years. This was dedication beyond his wildest belief, and part of Felix could commemorate them for that, but the other part of Felix began to wonder what exactly the stalker wanted. Hadn’t Felix gone through enough in a lifetime? Or did he deserve more torment? Maybe if he was a better person, a bit of good karma would actually be thrown his way. He’s worse than the boar, he’s a monster. 

Luckily, Sylvain was a sound sleeper, so with ease, he was able to slip out of bed without the other even noticing. Sitting at the edge of the bed, he admired his best friend in the sun rays, he looked perfect. But, something still felt different, and Felix chose to ignore it. After all, this year was about striving for the best, no drama, no love. He didn’t need it. But, maybe today he’d miss his classes, he needed time to think. Changing his clothes, he wore a baggy sweater with nothing under and a pair of black jeans. According to the weather, it was colder than yesterday. Good. He’d rather that than summer heat. Grabbing his phone and nothing else, he slipped on his shoes before leaving the dorm, sending Sylvain one last glance, before heading out. 

Where was he going? He had no clue. He hadn’t brought his car keys with him, so he couldn’t go anywhere. He was just going to walk, hands in pockets, hopefully, to get his mind off everything. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be followed. Phone in hand, he contemplated texting someone so he wasn’t alone. Not Sylvain, he knows Sylvain is probably going to be pissed off when he wakes up without knowing where Felix is. Then it occurred to him who he could text, but really, it was a long shot. But why not? 

He’d rather not admit it out loud, but he didn’t want to be alone right now, but he couldn’t be around Sylvain. Sylvain was sometimes overprotective, and worse than that overbearing. He could recall as a child Sylvain would get jealous if Felix talked to Ingrid or Dimitri when he wasn’t around, it was strange. Probably an overprotective friend thing, after all, he said himself he was straight. Felix shouldn’t get his hopes up, he wouldn’t want to be disappointed.

(6:46 am) Felix: can you please skip your classes today?

Finally texting the person, Felix shoved his phone back into his pocket, not expecting a reply for a while. But to his surprise, a response right away, causing him to raise an eyebrow. But the response was dry to say the least, the text only reading ‘ya, sure.’ Oh no, was he overstepping, he sure hoped not. 

(6:47 am) Felix: cool, meet me here.

After texting the location of where he was going to be, he started to make his way there. He was going to one of his favourite parts of the city, a place Sylvain hasn’t even been to yet, it calmed his head to be there. 

Walking for what feels like forever, he finally arrived at a big grassy hill that looked over the city, flowers and trees covering the hill. Usually, he would drive here, but he decided he would take the hour and a half walk to get there, he even bought himself an iced coffee on the way, after all, he hasn’t slept in at least a day. Luckily, his stalker didn’t follow him, which meant his little piece of paradise was still saved. He had a few places like this over the city, Felix found it quite entertaining finding hidden beauty in a bustling place. Climbing to the top of the hill, a tree, large like the one by the field, but this one was much nicer. It was tall, and the colour of the leaves varied from orange to yellow, to red, beautiful. He did as he usually does when he’s here, which was to climb the tree.

He didn’t climb to the top of the tree, he did once and almost broke his arm doing so, but he climbed enough so he could see the whole city skyline. The sun had barely risen, so the orangish blue sky still highlighted the shadowed town. It was gorgeous, and it was all his. It made him feel at peace, staring at the horizon for what felt like forever, that until he heard footsteps up the hill. His stalker!? He completely forgot that he had invited someone else to his paradise, but when he saw wispy grey hair, he knew. 

Ashe looked lost, looking around, seemingly trying to find Felix. 

“Up here, idiot,” Felix called out in an endearing way, which caused Ashe to look up at him in surprise. A grin across the smaller boy’s freckled face as he rolled up his sleeves, shoving what seemed like car keys into his pocket. He sipped his ice coffee as the other climbed up, Felix scouting over on the branch he was sitting on so there was room for Ashe. Felix knew this tree well, and he knew it wouldn’t break with extra weight on it. 

When Ashe finally plopped down beside him, Felix offered him a sip of ice coffee, which the other declined. “I’m more of a tea guy.” Stated the younger, before staring right ahead. He was breathing heavily, probably out of breath, which caused Felix to chuckle lightly. 

“What? Not fit enough to climb a tree?” Felix teased, nudging the other with his shoulder, he felt so comfortable with Ashe. The other quickly gasped in fake offence, before laughing lightly and shaking his head. 

“Well, that’s part of the reason. Another part is, I haven’t climbed a tree in years. That’s why I was sort of excited when I saw you up here.”

“Ah, I see,” Felix responded simply, glancing at the younger for a second in endearment. He still wasn’t sure why Ashe made him feel so calm, but he was going to use his detective instincts to find out. 

Wind blew through the air, causing the tree to rustle. Leaves fell off, fluttering through the air before landing onto the ground without a sound. Felix couldn’t help but think about that one phrase, what was it again? When a tree falls alone in the forest, does it even make a sound? Felix never thought it would. Being alone meant isolation, meant silence, it meant not opening up, exposing yourself, just like a solemn tree. Felix was like a tree, strong, sturdy, silent. If he fell from the top of his social climb, he wouldn’t make a sound, he wouldn’t cry, he would remain alone. He liked being a lone wolf, even if sometimes he would have to fight his own battles, and if he had to end up getting hurt. It was better than risking his friend’s lives. 

_ No one else I care about will be taken from me.  _

His train of thought was broken by the other talking, oh, Felix had honestly forgotten that he was here for a second. Felix always made note of who was around him, not wanting to feel on edge, but Ashe made him feel incredibly calm. It was like his heartbeat raced a mile a minute, but he also felt incredibly at peace beside him. Maybe it was because of the romantic scenery, but Felix felt so … weird. 

“Why did you want me to meet you here?” Ashe had asked with such kindness in his voice, causing Felix to look at him. Their eyes locked once again, and like every other time, it felt as if time stopped. The sun made his green eyes glimmer, shine, look perfect, it amazed Felix deeply, causing warmth to rise to his chest. Heart beating faster and faster, try to ignore, bury it deep. 

“Felix? You okay?” Ashe caught Felix’s attention, his green eyes now filled with concern, which hurt Felix’s heart for a second. Shaking off the feel, Felix broke eye contact, looking back at the sky. It was getting cloudy, odd, the weather didn’t say it would rain today, just to show that he shouldn’t trust everything he reads online. 

Taking in a breath for a second, Felix debated telling Ashe about the stalker. Telling him would put him, and maybe everyone in danger, just so Felix could feel a little calmer. As selfish as he was, he wasn’t that selfish, he would jeopardize his friend’s safety just for his own gain. So he would lie, he was used to it by now. Lying for what’s right. Lying was part of being a detective, lying to get a confession, lying to get evidence, lying to save your life. He would need to practice his lying, making sure his tells were no longer noticeable. Fortunately, he was lying to Ashe, who didn’t know his tells yet, and hopefully, he’ll never know. 

“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” He spat out, sounded much harsher than he intended. But the other didn’t even seem hurt by his words, he just smiled, a laugh, forced… part of practicing lying was being able to tell when others were. Ashe was great at lying, which had been one of the main things that first piqued Felix’s interest. 

“Well, I know I haven’t known you for very long but you don’t seem like the type of guy that would wake up super early, walk an hour and a half to a beautiful location, invite a person you just met to skip class and hang out with you all day.” 

_ Oh shit.  _ Well, he had been found out quite easily, but he would not cave in, he is too headstrong. 

“Clearly, you don’t know me enough,” Felix smirked slightly, looking away from the other. If their eyes met again, he would be found out. He looked down at the ground below, bright green grass, multi-coloured flowers, and orangish-red leaves on the ground. Sipping his last sip of iced coffee, he tried to clear off the awkward atmosphere he created, but Ashe once again had beat him to it. 

“Maybe so… but I can tell that you’re dwelling on something. I won’t push, but I will help keep your mind off of it.” Ashe offered, suddenly pushing himself up from the branch, now standing on it. He wobbled slightly, which caused Felix to almost lurch forward so he could catch Ashe if he fell. Ashe assured the other with an ‘I’m fine’ before beginning to climb down the tree, Felix watching in silence. His head tilted slightly when Ashe jumped down from the final branch, standing up straight as he looked up at the other. The mid-morning sun shone behind the younger male, grass tickling his ankles, his beautiful features still a bit messy. Felix was lost in thought, before shaking his head. 

“What’re you doing?” Felix asked, standing himself. It was a bit harder to climb down with something in his hand, but he managed to do so with only a few splinters in the process. Landing beside Ashe, he didn’t look at him, trying to stop himself from admiring how cute Ashe looked. 

Ashe was shorter than Felix by a bit, his hair was messy ash grey, clearly unbrushed, yet it looked perfect. Eyes a shade of emerald green, looking slightly grey in the light. His freckled face was slightly flushed, most likely because he was climbing just a moment ago. He looked so … amazing. Felix pushed away that thought, though every time he tried to ignore it, the feelings came back stronger than before. He felt a pain in his heart when he realized something, did he really have feelings for two different guys? Before he could get himself put together, he refused to even address his feelings. This year was about being the best he could be, not about dumb feelings. 

_ Be numb again. Be apathetic. _

“Well, if you really can’t get your mind off of what is troubling you, I will help you. C’mon! I didn’t skip class to just sit around doing nothing. Let’s go somewhere together, let’s get to know each other.” Ashe’s hand grabbed his own, this being the second time their hands touched, and Felix felt the same thing as last time. He tried to identify this feeling, the feeling of everything around them freezing, time stopping except for the two of them, but he couldn’t. He didn’t understand, this didn’t feel like his old crush on Sylvain, or like his new interest in Sylvain either. Don’t think about it. 

The other dragged him down the hill, causing Felix to follow like a lost puppy. He was still trying to wrap his head around the whole situation, it was way too much for him to handle. But soon they arrived at Ashe’s car, so he drove here? His car didn’t seem anything out of the ordinary, not super-rich, or super poor. It was black, a scratch on the side that had been poorly painted over, Felix didn’t really know cars so he wasn’t sure on the model, Sylvain knew more about cars than he did. 

Sitting in the passenger seat without complaint, it was comfortable, and his black car was pretty clean, inside and out. Good. Felix wasn’t the biggest fan of messy spaces, that’s one of the things he didn’t like about Sylvain, he was messy. Looking at the clock in the car, it was 9:04am, class had already started, which means Sylvain most likely had realized Felix was gone. Sylvain never woke up on time, but he probably realized something was missing, or someone.

He hadn’t realized Ashe was in the car too, that being before they suddenly started driving. Felix didn’t look at Ashe, knowing he probably wanted to focus on the road. Felix opened the window without even asking, his hair blowing in the wind as he gazed at the skyline. It was pretty, but the clouds in the sky got darker and darker, it was going to rain soon. He couldn’t handle that. He hated rain, he hated thunder or anything that had to do with rain. Not because it was scary, but because it was raining on  _ that  _ day. The day everything changed for Felix, the day his life fell apart. 

“So, where are you taking me, or are you actually just kidnapping me?” Felix finally broke the silence, Ashe laughing at the comment. Why did Ashe laugh? Felix wasn’t joking. But he didn’t care at that instant since Ashe’s laugh was like music to his ears. He tried to ignore the blush that crept up his cheeks, keeping his eyes on the scenery outside. 

“I’m taking you to a place I go too to clear my head. I used to go there as a kid.” Informed by the younger, Felix still didn't look in the other’s direction knowing he would feel weird at the sight. So he simply made an ‘oh’ noise in response to Ashe’s comment, before remaining silent. He was still so tired, his eyes fighting to stay open. Not sleeping at all the night before, due to Sylvain’s annoying, yet cute, cuddling up to him. He was also too scared to sleep, then it hit his mind again. 

_ The stalker. _

His breathing picked up the pace slightly, but he tried to ignore the thoughts in his head. If he didn’t think about it, maybe for a bit he could pretend that he wasn’t being hunted down like a deer in headlights. Maybe he could pretend his life was normal. His eyes closed for a second, enjoying the breeze on his face, it calmed him down. Before he knew what hit him, he was fast asleep, peaceful breaths escaping his lips. 

A sudden hand on his shoulder woke him up, stirring out his dream. He couldn’t remember what he dreamt about, but he felt sad, alone. He probably had another nightmare about the stalker. Looking to his side, he saw a concerned Ashe, leaning over the seat. This caused Felix to jump back, and the other withdrew his hand. Suddenly, there was another smile upon his face, that smile, perfect. 

“We’re here, Felix.” Ashe seemed to ignore the fear in Felix’s expression, opening his own car door. Felix was still trying to adjust to his surroundings, eyes blurry from his drowsiness. When his car door opened, he glanced at the time before getting out of the car. 12:00pm, so it took them about 3 hours to get here, it was that far? Stepping out of the car, he finally took a good look at the scenery around them, not even thanking Ashe for closing the door behind him. 

Around him was fog, thick fog around his whole body. Feeling the earth beneath his feet, it wasn't cemented, or grass, it was sand… he could barely see it under him. Ahead, laid a huge lake. Oh, so that’s where they were. They were at the lake, no wonder it took so long to get there since Garreg Mach was so far away from any lakes. The area around was gorgeous to say the least, the fog from the cloudy weather adding to the atmosphere. It was weird that it hadn’t started to rain yet, Felix could only thank god for that blessing. 

Looking at Ashe, curiosity covered his pale face. “Why are we here?” Ashe’s face seemed to become more solemn, sadder. He looked away from Felix, starting to walk towards the water, Felix silently trailing behind. He was curious, to say the least. He has never seen Ashe look sad, it seemed unusual, but it seemed truthful. 

Walking onto the dock, Felix watched as the other sat down, crossed legged. Ashe rolled up his pants, taking his phone out of his pocket, taking off his shoes and his socks, dipping his feet into the water. Ashe looked up at the taller, smiling once more, but it didn’t seem forced. “Are you going to just stand there watching over? The water is nice, come sit.” Ashe patted the wood beside him, which caused Felix to sit down in silence. Felix did the same as Ashe, pulling up his pant legs, taking his phone out of his pocket, removing his socks and shoes, and putting his feet into the water. It wasn’t as nice as Ashe made it out to be, even the sweet boy like himself could lie, intriguing. Ashe giggled at the reaction Felix had to the water, which was a shiver and slight jump. 

“We’re here because it’s a nice place to clear my mind. I used to come here as a kid, skipping rocks to take my mind off, things.” Ashe hesitated, kicking up some water in the process, getting some on Felix. Felix ignored it, for the time being, not wanting to push the other. “When I was a kid, I used to run away from home, a lot. I guess I was somewhat of a coward -” He hesitated once again, glancing at Felix before looking back down. Felix on the other hand, had his eyes locked right on the smaller, unfaltering. 

“This place for a while was my only safe haven. Until I started high school that is.” Ashe laughed slightly, his sad look turning into a small smile. The smile liked so much, the smile that warmed his heart. Ashe looked up at Felix, eyes locking again. Tilting his head in confusion, a small blush appeared on freckled cheeks.  _ Cute!  _

“Oh jeez! Did I say too much? I’m sorry, I must’ve freaked you out.”

“Not at all, don’t be embarrassed about sharing your feelings. But… Why share them with me?” Felix responded on instinct, looking away at the water after all. Ashe didn’t respond for a second, all Felix could hear is a breath being sucked in. After a few moments, he finally spoke, a cheery tone to his voice. Optimism beaming off of him, it would usually cause Felix to feel disgusted, but not with Ashe. 

“Because we’re friends, Felix!”

This caused his heart to skip a beat, maybe all Felix wanted was another friend, wanted more attention. He craved it. A smile appeared across his face, it was small but it was still there nonetheless. Ashe was great, he couldn’t ruin the quick friendship they created because he thought he may want something more. Friends were fine, friends were what he wanted. 

“If you say so.” A light punch to the other’s shoulder, a friendly gesture. Ashe’s eyes went wide for a second before a laugh escaped his lips. Kicking a bit of water at Felix, a larger smile appeared across his lips. Ashe was so cute. Felix raised a brow before a smirk appeared on his face. 

“Oh, so you want to play that game?” Felix said, before dipping his hand in the water, before completely splashing Ashe, getting tons of water all over his pants. Ashe’s eyes narrowed for a second before a loud laugh came from the smaller male, the laugh booming and excited. 

“You think you can beat me? You’re going to regret this battle!” Ashe joked, before pushing Felix straight into the water, which caused Felix to yelp before being engulfed in water completely. Auburn eyes were wide, his ponytail becoming undone. He felt a large smile grow on his lips, one he hadn’t felt in years. When Felix surfaced in the water, standing in the sand underwater, the water going up to his hips. 

“Oh! Now you’re gonna get it!” Felix laughed, grabbing Ashe by his ankles and dragging him in the water. A small scream from the other until he falls into the water, completely getting soaked from the head down, before he came back up to the surface, laughing loudly. And the grand water war of splashing each other had become, laughter filling the air, completely drenching each other in the lake water. 

Sadly, they did not think too far ahead, because when they finally got out of the body of the lake, they were both dripping wet, no towels, no extra clothes. At least their socks and shoes were dry, but probably not for long. Slipping them both on, the two looked at each, a laugh coming out of both of their lips. 

“This is your fault we’re both soaking wet, now your car is going to get wet.” Felix pointed out, walking side by side. Ashe sighed, running a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. He flashed Felix a bright smile, one that caused Felix’s heart to melt. He would never admit this out loud, but this was the most fun he had in years, he was so glad he skipped class today, it was worth the lecture from Dimitri.

“It was worth it to hear your laugh.” Ashe didn’t see what that statement did to Felix, but Felix felt like his face was going to explode from how hot it was. But to his benefit, Ashe didn’t see the flush upon his face. Felix had completely forgotten about the stalker, his feelings for Sylvain, everything. He just felt, happy, for once. It was strange, he hadn’t felt like this since the incident. But then he remembered something, Sylvain must’ve been worried sick. Checking his phone, he noticed 4 missed calls and about 6 texts, a bit overboard in all honesty. Sylvain wasn’t always this… possessive. It felt weird. Reading the texts, Felix sat in the car at the same time. 

(9:12 am) Sylvain: Where did you go? :( 

(10:56 am) Sylvain: Seriously Felix? Why aren’t you answering?

(12:07 pm) Sylvain: Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?

(12:08 pm) Sylvain: I’m sorry about last night if sleeping in your bed was a problem I'll never do it again.

(1:00 pm) Sylvain: Ok, well I have football practice now. Pls respond when you get the chance

(1:01 pm) Sylvain: Please be safe…

Felix felt a little overwhelmed from Sylvain’s texts, so he didn’t reply. Instead, he shoved his phone back into his pocket, looking at Ashe for a moment as he started the car. As they made their rocky way away from the beach, Ashe spoke up. 

“It’s 4:30 now, so we could either head back to the dorms or…” He trailed off for a moment, stopping at the red light. Watching the cars speed back reminded him of last night, Marianne on his back, Ashe at his side, getting to know each other. Felix couldn’t help but smile at the event, but then he remembered what followed. The feeling of being chased, of being hunted down, the feeling of utter weakness. Ignore it. 

“We could go get food? I know a diner near here that I used to go to as a kid.” Ashe suggested, which Felix responded with a nod, he was starving, worn out from a splash fight. Ashe hummed in response, excited, clearly. After about 30 minutes of driving, they pulled into an old fashion diner, having an 80’s retro theme, it seemed quite homey. Both coming out of the car, they realized they were both soaking wet, well, Felix didn’t really care if they got stared at.

_ Nothing could compare to the stalker's piercing gaze. _

Walking in and finding a table by the window, the two ordered in record time, getting an odd stare from the waitress in the process. She seemed nice enough though, despite being a bit sassy. Receiving and eating their food, talking to each other the whole time, and Felix lecturing Ashe about not talking with food in his mouth, they enjoyed themselves until they were quite so rudely interrupted. 

“Hey Ashe, long time no see. This your boyfriend?” The voice was oddly familiar, but he couldn’t quite place on whose voice it was. Looking up from his burger, he stared at the person who had seemingly come out of nowhere, Felix not even noticing his presence until he spoke. 

The person had black hair, looked tired, and was extremely scrawny, Felix could break him like a twig if he wanted too, or at least he thought so. The person looked sinister, evil, and the look in his dull black eyes seemed oddly familiar. The person was tall, really tall, like maybe 6’5, Felix felt a bit intimidated. 

“U-Uh… No. We’re just friends.” Ashe stammered out, Felix’s gaze moving from the black-haired male to Ashe, and his look caused Felix pain. Ashe looked beyond uncomfortable, he was shaking, his eyes teary, his face completely pale. Felix didn’t like this, he felt anger boiling up in him. 

The taller male shoved himself right beside Ashe on his side of the booth, where Ashe tried to move as far away from him as possible. This wasn’t good. “Ah… that’s good. Why are you soaking wet though, I’d hate for you to get a cold.” His voice was creepy, a finger on Ashe’s chin, causing his head to be tilted up. Ashe looked sick, Felix knew that feeling all too well. He remained silent for a moment, hands clenched. Let’s see how Ashe reacts at first. 

“Hubert, it’s not… can you please let go.”

“I don’t think I will.”

Felix slammed his hands on the table, standing up and glaring daggers at the one named Hubert. He wasn’t sure how, but he felt like he knew Hubert from somewhere, from a bad situation from long ago. No, don’t think about that right now. 

“Let go of him. Now” Felix spoke lowly, stepping out of the restaurant booth. If people weren’t staring at that before since they were soaking wet, they were definitely starring now. Hubert looked back at Felix, eyes glaring at each other. Ashe had shifted away from the taller, while Hubert stepped out of the booth as well. Hubert towered over Felix like a giant, for once, he felt so small. 

“And who do you think you are butting in? Run along now.” Hubert talked down to Felix, and his own nails dug into his palms. Felix took a step forward, ready to not back down. He hated seeing any of his friends uncomfortable, but especially Ashe.

“You’re making Ashe uncomfortable, so why don’t you leave? Before I make you.” Felix spat back, taking yet another step forward. Tying his hair back so the water wasn’t dripping in his face, he was clearly ready for a fight if needed. And clearly, a fight was needed. Without warning, Hubert pushed Felix back, the force of the taller causing him to stumble. Despite looking like a scrawny, stick of a man, Hubert was strangely strong. That was it, Felix had enough. In retaliation, Felix threw a punch, punching the other right in the jaw. It was enough to cause the other’s eyes to widen, which made Felix smirk. Felix was hankering for a good fight, he hadn’t had one in a while. 

When the other threw a punch back, Felix used his height as an advantage, ducking down to dodge it. This wasn’t the best idea, since the next thing that happened was his ponytail being grabbed, and a knee to the face, causing his nose to crack. Yup, that was broken. Felix’s smirk turned into a toothy smile, throwing another punch right into Hubert’s abdomen, then another punch to the face. Suddenly, before he knew what hit him, another punch to the eye, almost at rocket speed, was … was Hubert holding back this whole time? He felt helpless for a second. Felix was about to go all out, and Hubert barely fought back. He felt like the walls were closing in on him, panicking. Along with that, the smell of blood coming from Felix made him want to throw up, he hated blood, the sight, the smell, the existence. It reminded him too much of the past.  _ You have to fight. Kill or be killed. Kill him. _ His breathing picked up the pace, ready to throw another punch but his arm was stopped mid-swing but a hand on his shoulder.

“Felix! Stop!” Ashe’s voice sounded commanding, it made Felix stop right in his tracks. Glancing back at Ashe, then his own reflection in the mirror, he sighed. He had reverted back to his high school self. Shit. He was looking worse than the boar, he looked like a monster. Blood dripping down his face from his nose, eye bruising, and a sickening grin on his face. He was disgusted with himself. Plus, he was still soaked from the lake shenanigans.

“Sorry.” Felix quickly apologized to Ashe, wiping off his nose with his sleeve, blood smearing his face. His nose hurt so much, but the pain was worth it to protect his friend. Glaring back at Hubert, he quickly turned towards Ashe with a blank expression on his face again. 

“Let’s get going, okay?”

“Yes, listen to Ashe, Felix. Leave before you do something you regret, I’m sure we can pick this up another time.” Hubert said, basically unphased from the fight. This angered Felix more than anything, so before he left the restaurant, he kicked the taller in the dick, making him shocked in pain. Felix grinned slightly, before grabbing the other by the collar of his shirt. 

“I don’t like you. And if I ever see you again, I swear to god. I will kill you.” Felix spat, before letting go and grabbing Ashe by the hand, not even noticing he was doing so. 

“C’mon, let’s go.” Felix dragged Ashe out of the store, feeling Hubert’s piercing gaze on the back of his head the whole time. That stare, it felt familiar, Hubert felt so familiar, his whole presence reminding him of something … someone.

_ The stalker. _

No. That would be too crazy, and too much of a coincidence. Ashe quickly got into the driver's seat, Felix slamming the door as he sat in the passenger's seat. Breathing heavily, he clenched his fists, before opening the window slightly to get some more fresh air. Ashe hadn’t started the car yet, he seemed like he was in shock. Felix should make this better, he should apologize. 

“Listen Ashe, I’m sor-”

“Thank you, Felix.” Ashe quickly interrupted, looking at Felix with slightly watery eyes. Felix’s eyes widened, his black eye hurting in the process. He was surprised, to say the least. “Hubert, I knew him back in high school. He’s in year three of University now, and well… he never really liked me.” Ashe forced out a laugh, looking away from Felix. Starting the car, Felix looked back out the window, focusing on the skyline. 

For the four hour ride back to the dorms, they were dead silent. And when they arrived back at school, it was pitch black. Getting out of the car, Felix had a thought pop into his head. 

_ This was the most fun I’ve had in years. _

Walking Ashe back to his dorm, Felix bid him a good night, admiring the final smile Ashe gave before he went inside. When he walked towards his dorm, he didn’t feel as nervous as he did the night before. Arriving at his dorm, he opened the door to reveal a pitch-black room. Was Sylvain not here? His heartbeat increased slightly, where was Sylvain? It was 9:00 pm, he should be here by now. Maybe it’s Felix’s fault for ignoring all his texts. But suddenly, the light flickered on, angry eyes meeting his. 

“Where the hell have you been, Felix?”

_ Shit. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop. is Hubert Felix's stalker? maybe maybe not. who knows! also, Sylvain is abt to get really mad at Felix so prepare for that.


	6. A Liar, a Thief, a Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoaaa. first a sylvain pov now an ashe pov. i'm out here gettin everyone's pov. Also a lot of this chapter is repetition of other chapters, but from Ashe's point of view, so i'm sorry if u get bored at some points.

His first day of University isn’t like every typical day, at least he didn’t think so. Though his classes were normal, enjoying learning about different types of plants - it was after school that was interesting. 

It had all started when Caspar had told him to wait for him after football practice, stating that he didn’t want to go back to the dorms alone and that he may want to do something after practice. Ashe knew that Linhardt would probably want to go straight to his dorms after class, wanting to sleep away the days. He somewhat admired his two best friends, they were so unique and knew what they loved. Ashe on the other hand, he had no clue what he wanted. He used plants as a way of escape, but was it what he truly loved? He wasn’t sure. 

Waiting on the bleachers, he didn’t raise his head from his book when he heard metal footsteps beside him. He was so enamoured with his book that he blocked the world out, not listening to anything or anyone. But he did look up for a moment when he felt eyes on him, causing him to meet auburn eyes. Suddenly, his heart skipped a beat. Was he scared? The man's piercing eyes dug deep into his soul, he felt like his past was all on the table, but he wasn’t scared. This was a different feeling, a feeling he couldn’t quite understand. He smiled, offering kindness, which resulted in the other looking away.

He then went back to his book, eyes scanning the page with pure fascination. Maybe he did like plants? No … it was the only thing he knew at this point though. That was until he heard Caspar’s voice yelling at him. Wait, what? Was their practice already over? How long had Ashe been reading? Eyes darting up, his face lit up bright red. 

Stammering out an apology, they all started to converse, except for the male he had locked eyes with before. Ashe decided it was only kind to give a proper introduction. “Oh! You two must be second years then! It’s nice to meet you, I’m Ashe!” He introduced himself as kindly as possible, sticking out his hand towards the taller. His hand was being stared at, which made him somewhat uncomfortable. But when his hands touched the other, something inside him stirred. Butterflies filled his stomach, it felt as if time stopped, everything seemed like it was in his place. 

But then their hands broke apart, causing his heart to ache for more touch. He hadn’t felt this way in such a long time, it was weird. His heart was beating out of his chest, breathing hitched for a moment, it was confusing. But he quickly slipped back into the conversation, not realizing that Felix had been zoning out. Without noticing until the conversation was over, they were being forced to eat dinner with a bunch of other people. This was going to be weird. Texting Linhardt to let him know, Ashe was somewhat hoping that Linhardt wanted to stay at the dorm so Ashe could stay with him. But much to his dismay, the tired male actually said yes. 

As they waited for everyone to arrive, they sat by the field, some standing and some sitting on the bench. Eyes looked around the campus, seeing if he could spot Linhardt or someone else in the group, but his emerald eyes landed on Felix instead, admiring all of his features down to his jawline to his toned muscles. Just looking at him made heat rise to his cheeks, but he quickly brushed it away. He felt eyes on him, it reminded him of when he was watched by Hubert in highschool. A death glare on him, he was used to it at this point. But when he looked at the eyes staring at him, his brows raised slightly.

Sylvain. Why was he glaring at him?

And in a blink of an eye, they were all walking to the restaurant, all in their own little groups. Without awareness, he was walking side by side with Felix, and he couldn’t help but let his heart beat increase super fast. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling so nervous around Felix, it must be his aura. He gave off a stern, asshole, full of himself vibe, but also underneath all those layers he seemed to be kind and caring. Ashe had a third eye for these sorts of things, he knew the difference between a kind and evil person, having dealt with both all his life. 

The silence between the two was awkward, to say the least, everyone else laughing and having a good time, but they were silent. But despite this, he’d rather be here beside Felix than feigning laughter. 

The restaurant, Mcdonalds, was bustling, the others in the group not shying away from being loud. But four sat to the side, Dedue, Felix, Marianne and Linhardt. The sight of Linhardt being fast asleep on the table, drooling onto it, caused Ashe to let out a small giggle, before paying attention to the conversation he was in. Well, not paying attention, but pretending to do so. They were talking about… something, he wasn’t even sure what at that moment. Despite facing Sylvain on the other side of the table, Ashe’s eyes were shifted onto Felix, watching him the whole time. Watching as he was gentle with the tired, sad-looking girl named Marianne. She somewhat reminded him of his old self, except Ashe was much worse. So much worse.

Suddenly the two had stood, Ashe, watching as the other’s started to leave, talking to Dedue, then walking away. His hand was in hers, were they dating? No. Even Ashe could tell Marianne wasn’t interested in Felix like that. Acting on instinct, he stood up and followed the two, before tapping on Felix on the shoulder. After dealing with some resistance from the taller, the three of them left without really saying bye to anyone except Dedue. He felt a bit bad for not even saying bye to Caspar or Linhardt, those two being his closest friends. The three have been inseparable since they were about 4 years old, going to the same schools ever since then. They knew his past better than anyone else, they know what he’s done, who he truly was.

Talking, walking by Felix’s side, they actually got to know each other more now. Felix was much more observant than Ashe had once thought, Ashe hadn’t even realized Marianne was falling behind. Now Ashe was carrying Felix’s bag along with his own, Felix’s being surprisingly heavy. What was in there, bricks? Felix seemed incredibly strong, being able to carry Marianne without a struggle. Though, Marianne didn’t look like she was super heavy. She didn’t look like she ate, or slept, truly like how Ashe used to be. 

Feeling suddenly awkward, he needed to break the silence before he got suffocated in it. “So what’s your major?”, and this question sparked a 30-minute conversation. Wait, wasn’t the walk only 15 minutes? He was slightly glad that the walk took longer than expected, enjoying getting to know Felix. Ashe was certain now, under that rock-solid, rude, exterior, Felix was truly a good person. 

Without realizing, they were already at Marianne’s dorms, Felix opening it before they both made their way inside. Ashe felt a bit uncomfortable, being in a girl's room that he barely knew, it felt so scandalous! Felix suddenly put Marianne on the bed, before walking towards the door. Ashe’s eyes narrowed for a moment, before sighing. He wasn’t going to leave Marianne out without a blanket, glass of water, care. So he began his work, tucking Marianne in bed, pouring her a glass of water and writing a note to her roommate Hilda, who truly seemed like her polar opposite. He felt eyes on him, but it wasn’t like a glare, it felt so much sweeter. 

Straightening out everything, he turned to Felix with a small smile, before both exiting Marianne’s dorm. They both leaned on the wall by the door, seemingly both exhausted from taking care of the girl. “O-Oh your bag.” Handing over the other’s bag, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulder. When Felix took the bag, Ashe expected a thank you, which made his brow raise. 

Walking back to Ashe’s dorm, they both stopped, looking in each other’s eyes. Ashe couldn’t help but feel like this was the end of a date, Felix dropping him off at his door and kissing him softly. Alas, that was only a dream.  _ Why would I want that?  _ Ashe ignored the thought and quickly asked for the other’s number. After getting it, he was about to go into his dorm before he hesitated, turning back towards Felix. 

“Do you want to eat lunch with me tomorrow?”

When the other smiled and nodded, Ashe felt his heart skip a beat. Bidding the other goodnight, he shut his door softly, before his smile grew large. Holding his phone close to his chest, he felt his heart continue to beat swiftly. What was this feeling? He had never felt it before, and it felt amazing. It felt like all of the world didn’t matter, all that mattered was Felix’s small smile. That smile that made his heart melt, and yet he craved more of it. It could melt the coldest of hearts!

Running to his bed, he laid down in it, looking at the ceiling as he did so. He hadn’t noticed how much time passed, but Ashe knew it was late. Suddenly his phone buzzed close to his chest, Ashe seeing the message being from Felix, which caused his heart to scream in joy. It took him a moment to collect himself before he replied. 

(12:34 am) Felix: Ashe?

(12:34 am) Felix: I have a question.

(12:36 am) Ashe: What’s up? :)

Oh no! Why did he add that smiley face. It was too much, Felix probably got creeped out, and now would probably hate him. But to his surprise, Felix responded in record time. 

(12:36 am) Felix: Did you feel like you were being followed while we were walking?

Before he had a chance to reply, the door opened which caused Ashe to jump up from his bed, seeing Caspar and Linhardt enter the door, Caspar laughing loudly and Linhardt yawning. Caspar spoke at the frame of the door, waving down the hall. 

“See ya, tomorrow Sylvain!” He called, before shutting the door behind him. Linhardt lazily walked into the room, without even noticing Ashe before flopping in his bed. Caspar, on the other hand, turned towards Ashe, raising a brow before removing his shirt, getting undressed quickly. Ashe covered his eyes, looking at the wall in embarrassment. Despite being childhood friends, Ashe still had a problem with seeing others strip suddenly. 

“What are ya’ doing here, Ashe?” Caspar asked the grey-haired male, which caused Ashe’s head to tilt. Confusion washing over him, unsure of what the other was hinting at. Before he could answer, he heard Linhardt snoring, which caused him to snort before covering his mouth. He always found it so amusing how Linhardt could sleep anywhere with ease, it was both a talent and a curse. 

Focusing back on the other, Caspar laughed, which earned a ‘shush’ from Ashe before pointing at the sleeping Linhardt. “You know exactly what I mean, Ashe. You left with Felix, we all just assumed you two hooked up.” Caspar’s bluntness caused a bright red flush to cover freckled cheeks, Ashe grabbing a pillow and throwing it right at Caspar’s face. 

“You’re wrong! We’re just friends!” Ashe squeaked, before hiding his blush with his hands. Part of him wished Caspar was right, but he buried that wish deep inside, never to be touched again. Ashe wasn’t worthy of Felix, wasn’t worthy of even being friends with him. Felix was driven, strong, smart, gorgeous, Ashe was just … well, Ashe. A liar, a thief, a monster.

“If you say so…” Caspar shrugged, before winking at Ashe with a sassy remark, before he too went to bed. “It wouldn’t kill ya’ to get laid, especially from a hot dude like Felix.” And with that, he was out like a light, causing Ashe’s face to heat up even more. Before he had the chance to process anything, he remembered he forgot to text back Felix, so he laid back and bed and did so. 

(12:45 am) Ashe: Sorry I was brushing my teeth.

(12:45 am) Ashe: But no I didn’t, why?

(12:45 am) Ashe: Are you okay?

(12:45 am) Felix: Yeah, I'm fine. Don’t worry about it. Go to bed.

A slight worry filled his body, why would he ask such an odd question? But Ashe wouldn’t press it, for now, so instead, he turned onto his side, and in a blink of an eye he completely passed out, not even plugging in his phone. He was so tired.

Buzzing, he woke up to a buzzing feeling against his face. Opening his eyes, he noticed a text from Felix, which made a brow raise. What time was it? Oh, it was almost 7am, it was early. The sun was barely peeking in through the window, illuminating Linhardt’s face, which caused him to groan at the light.

(6:46 am) Felix: can you please skip your classes today?

What an odd request, but something compelled him to say yes. He replied with a simple ‘ya, sure’ before hopping out of bed, tiredly swinging his face over the side. Linhardt was clearly awake despite not wanting to be, Ashe watched as the other sat up, looking down at his legs. Linhardt hadn’t even realized that Ashe was awake yet, still clearly groggy from waking up. Ashe stood up, which made the green-haired male look in his direction, confusion filling his face. 

“Why are you up so early?” Linhardt’s voice was hoarse, a dry throat, but Ashe knew he wasn’t sick, he was just tired. As always. Even though Linhardt was tired constantly, and overall seemed aloof and like he didn’t care, there was a reason he was one of his best friends. Linhardt was there for Ashe when no one else was, comforted him, made him feel wanted despite being alone. Caspar did the same, but he had different methods. Where Caspar fought for Ashe, Linhardt stayed at Ashe’s side, hugged him. Linhardt was much more than he appeared to be.

“I’m not going to class today, okay? Cover me with Caspar, okay?” Ashe was whispering so that Caspar wouldn’t hear, leaning on Linhardt’s bed. The taller rubbed his eyes, before nodding slightly. Ashe thanked the other, before running into the washroom. He needed a quick shower before meeting up with Felix, he didn’t want to look gross, disorderly. He wanted to impress Felix, make him like him. 

After getting dressed, he grabbed his car keys and that’s it. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but when Felix sent him the location, he noticed it was quite a bit away. Ashe didn’t have the energy to walk, and he figured that Felix hadn’t brought his car, so a lift would be nice. Opening the door, he turned back to Linhardt with a smile one last time, shutting the door. As the door shut, he heard Linhardt call out to him, saying something that caused Ashe to blush pink. 

“Have fun with Felix…”

Walking through the dorm area, Ashe tried to calm himself down, his face not becoming less pink. Arriving at his car, he hopped in and started driving. He admired the scenery, the sun had barely risen, casting an orange glow across the whole city. He wasn’t too sure where he was driving too, but wherever it was, it was gorgeous. He pulled up on a grassy covered driveway, looking up to see a hill overlooking the entire city. He had his fair share of pieces of paradise, but this was amazing. Getting out of his car, he locked the door before looking at the hill. It was quite the climb, but when he made it through the trees, the flowers and the long grass, he noticed a grander tree at the top, with something in it. 

But Ashe was confused, where was Felix? Did he lie to him? Did Ashe read him completely wrong? He did it again, he let himself fall into a trap of caring for someone he just met to rip him apart. Just like Hubert.

“Up here idiot.” He heard Felix’s voice, which caused Ashe to look up right away, noticing Felix sitting up top in the tree, a small smile in his face. Ashe’s faces flushed a bit, realizing how stupid it was to compare someone like Felix to someone like Hubert. A laugh escaped his lips, small, but genuine, before beginning to climb up the tree. One foot after another, it reminded him of being a kid again. The last time he climbed a tree was to rescue one of his siblings who had climbed up there, just to realize she couldn’t get down. Being the oldest out of his siblings, he was always in charge of watching over them, making sure they were safe, feeding them,  _ protecting them. _

When reaching the top of the tree beside Felix’s, a soft breath escaped his lips, which caused Felix to tease him. After talking with Felix in the tree for a bit, he truly realized something was on Felix’s mind, something that wouldn’t leave him alone. He understood how he felt, so he was determined to get his mind off of it any way he knew how. He was going to make Felix smile and laugh, that was his goal for today.

-

Soaking wet in the car, they finally arrived at the diner Ashe had mentioned previously. Though splashing around with Felix was quite fun, now he was starving, not eating all day. He was about to get out of the car when he looked at Felix, he looked perfect. His hair was down, framing his face and dripping onto him. His hoodie was soaked, and so it stuck to his skin, highlighting his muscles, and his lips were so plump… so kissable.

_ Why are you thinking that!? _

Getting out of the car, he felt eyes on him once more. Not Felix’s kind gaze, but someone else’s, so familiar. This wasn’t going to end well, he could feel it. And he was right.

Hubert. What was he doing here, now? This didn’t make sense, he hated this.  _ Go away. Go away. Go away.  _ And as he sat beside him, Ashe had to scoot away. He didn’t like this at all, his heart was shattering, his stomach was falling. After saying that he and Felix were friends, Hubert inched closer and closer. He felt himself getting stiffer, he felt like crying. Why wasn’t Felix doing anything to stop this? He was practically screaming for help. 

“Ah… that’s good. Why are you soaking wet though, I’d hate for you to get a cold.” A hand on his chin, causing his stomach to turn. He felt like throwing up, he didn’t like this at all. His breathing picked up the pace, the past he tried so hard to hide was suddenly biting him in the ass. He used to date Hubert, but it didn’t end well. He was, awful, to say the least. 

“Hubert, it’s not… can you please let go.”

“I don’t think I will.”

A sudden slam on the table gave Ashe the perfect opportunity to scoot away, breathing heavily as he tried to collect himself. He felt like breaking down right there, he needed to throw up, he needed to cry. He wanted to die at that very moment. The more he panicked, the more he blocked out the rest of the world. He hadn’t realized Felix and Hubert were fighting, that until he saw blood splattered on to the table in front of him. Blood... Looking up, he saw blood dripping out of Felix’s nose, his eye bruised, and a sick grin on his face. It reminded him of Caspar when he used to fight for Ashe. Except, Felix had a different look in his eyes, a murderous look. But he also seemed to be pale, to be sick to his stomach. Why?

Before Felix could throw another, Ashe stopped him, causing Felix to stop in mid punch. He was glad things weren’t taken too far, luckily he stepped in at just the right time. “Sorry.” The other muttered an apology, Ashe having a small smile on his face. He was glad that Felix knew when to call it quits, he would hate for him to get suspended, expelled, or worse … dead. 

“Yes, listen to Ashe, Felix. Leave before you do something you regret, I’m sure we can pick this up another time.” Hubert clearly hit a nerve, causing Felix to break away from Ashe’s grasp and walking up to Hubert, kicking him in the dick. Ashe’s eyes widened at that, and he would laugh if he wasn’t still a bit shaken from the event. But what caused Ashe’s confusion to grow was Felix’s next few words, seeing how Felix was holding Hubert by his collar. 

“I don’t like you. And if I ever see you again, I swear to god. I will kill you.” Even Ashe got shivers from that statement, but before he knew what hit him he was being dragged out of the restaurant, Ashe staring at the back of Felix. His shoulders were so broad. 

Both getting into the car, there was a moment of silence, but Felix tried to apologize, which Ashe quickly interrupted. He refused to let Felix apologize for protecting him. “Thank you, Felix. Hubert, I knew him back in high school. He’s in year three of University now, and well… he never really liked me.” That was a stretch. He should’ve said ‘He used me to hurt everyone I knew and created a rift between my best friends and me.’

The rest of the ride sat in silence, both of them trying to process the situation. When they got back, Felix walked him to his dorm once more, and Ashe gave him one final smile before slipping into his dorm, shutting the door softly behind him. Suddenly, tears started to stream down his face, closing his eyes as he did so. He couldn’t keep them in any more, he was so scared, he was so alone. But without realizing, arms wrapped around him, squeezing him and holding him close. Opening his eyes he saw a tuft of blue-hair, which caused Ashe to mutter.

“Caspar…” Was all he could make out through horrible sobs and hiccups, reaching up to hold the other close. How weak could one get? Crying over his past like it was still important, he needed to move on. 

Caspar’s voice was firm, yet comforting, holding him close. He hadn’t gotten hugged like this in such a long time, and he couldn’t help but cry into Caspar’s chest. “What happened? You were with Felix right-” Ashe shot a glare at Linhardt, which the green-haired male responded with a shrug. What a blabbermouth. “-What did he do to you? Why are you crying? I’ll kill him.” Him saying that caused Ashe to remember how Felix said the same thing a few hours ago, but where Caspar sounded gentle, Felix sounded malicious. 

“Felix didn’t do anything. He … he protected me. From him.” Ashe pulled away slightly, wiping his eyes from the tears that refused to stop falling down his cheeks. Caspar and Linhardt knew right away who Ashe was talking about, causing even Linhardt to stand up and rush over to Ashe, putting a hand on his shoulder. It felt comforting. 

“He was there. He touched me … just on my chin, but I felt so disgusted. And Felix protected me, got into a fight for me. He really looked like he wanted to kill Hubert.” Ashe admitted, calming down ever so slightly. Caspar’s and Linhardt’s eyes raised at the final part, causing them to both pull Ashe close again. 

“It was a good thing Felix was there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> catch my boy having toxic relationship issues.


	7. Feeling Used

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is gonna be a wild ride :) strap on in and enjoy the angst. also soon there will be either a sylvain or ashe pov, but right now we gotta character build felix some more.

“Where the hell have you been, Felix?”

_ Shit. _

Responding with silence, shutting the door behind him quietly. He had completely forgotten about his broken, bloodied nose, and his black eye. Luckily his eye wasn’t as bad as his nose, but the smell of blood was causing his stomach to turn. It reminded him too much of the past, of a horrible time. A bad time in which he had lost sight of his true self, maybe even now, he wasn’t his true self. But with Ashe, he felt closer to his roots. 

“Giving me the silent treatment? What the hell, Felix-” He suddenly stopped when Felix walked further into the room, his injuries being apparent in the new light. Sylvain’s tone shifted from anger to straight and utter concern. Sylvain stood up quickly, running over to Felix, and quickly put his hands on Felix’s cheeks. This caused Felix to break eye contact with Sylvain, wiping the blood off his nose. Sylvain frowned, stepping a bit closer so they were inches apart, blush creeping up on Felix’s red-stained cheeks, luckily the blood blended in with the flush. 

“Who the fuck did this to you?” Sylvain’s voice was deep, it was somewhat scary, he hadn’t seen this side of Sylvain in such a long time - the possessive, angry, side of Sylvain. It sort of frightened Felix, sending a shiver down his spine. His heart picked up the pace, nervous, confused, most of all, embarrassed. Felix still remained silent, which caused Sylvain to let out a sigh. With one hand on his cheek, he used the other to grab Felix’s hand, which caused Felix to get even more nervous. It was getting too much to handle, his feelings taking the best of him. Still, not a peep from the purple-haired male. 

“You promise to tell me what’s bothering you then you leave bright and early the next morning, ignore my texts and calls, worry the hell out of me, then you come back soaking wet with a busted nose and black eye. So please, stop giving me the silent treatment, tell me what happened.” He sounded desperate like he was about to cry, but yet he sounded so serious… malice hidden in his voice, pure anger. Felix felt guilt building up inside, he had to come clean. Or at least, somewhat. 

“I was out with Ashe, and we went swimming in the lake, which is why I’m soaking wet but… then we went out for dinner, and it was fun until…” Felix hesitated, looking at his own hands. They were bruised, most likely from punching Hubert, all of this was going to hurt in the morning. Looking up at Sylvain in the eyes, sighing, subconsciously squeezing Sylvain’s hand. 

“Someone started making Ashe uncomfortable, and I’m not sure why, but it made me so angry… and I punched him, and well... That’s how this happened.” Felix looked away, knowing Sylvain was going to be angry. And without even looking at the other, he could tell his face changed from concerned and worried back to angry. But for some reason, he didn’t pull away, instead, his grip only tightened, it kind of hurt. 

“You shouldn’t hang out with Ashe.” Sylvain was direct, a commanding tone. This caused Felix’s eyebrow to raise, confusion wiping over his face. Looking back at Sylvain’s face, it was angry, but it wasn’t his normal anger, it was much more different. He looked both disappointed and angry, a look reserved for Felix when he did something wrong. He remembered that look from high school. But this didn’t stop Felix from getting angry, once raised eyebrows now furrowed in frustration. 

“And when did you get to decide who I can and can’t hang out with?” Felix snapped back, pushing the other away slightly, walking to the bathroom so he could officially clean up. But before he could even get inside the bathroom, the other grabbed his wrist, squeezing it - it hurts. Felix’s breathing suddenly became heavier, what was this feeling? Fear? Only the stalker, and well Hubert, struck the feeling of fear in him. Why was Sylvain acting this way, it was frightening. 

_ Stop… _

“Ashe is clearly a bad influence! You promised me you’d stop fighting people, and you were doing so well, then you meet Ashe and one day later you end up like this. You need to stop hanging out around him!” Sylvain sounded desperate and commanding, like any second he would break. Felix tried to pull away, but he couldn’t, so his next option was to face Felix, suddenly realizing they were much closer than he previously thought. He could feel Sylvain’s breath, was this really happening? Their lips were so close, it felt so right, yet he still didn’t want this. Not this way, not like this. Not while he was in fear of Sylvain, against his will. He wants to stop this. 

“I like Ashe, he’s my friend. I’m not going to stop hanging out with him because you say so.” Felix spat back, pulling his wrist away slightly, Sylvain’s nails leaving slight marks on his wrist. Sylvain looked surprised, hurt, confused, Felix couldn’t quite read his emotions. He’s never seen Sylvain like this, it was terrifying. 

“You’re going to get hurt!” Sylvain put his hands on Felix’s shoulders, pushing him back slightly on accident, Felix stumbling back against the wall behind him. Now being pinned against the wall, Felix’s eyes filled with fear at this point. He never knew Sylvain was this aggressive. Yet during all this, Felix’s face remained flushed, embarrassed. Was this truly what he wanted? Was he really ready to kiss Sylvain even at a time like this? Don’t think about that, not right now. 

“I’m not shutting out Ashe because  _ you’re  _ scared. I’m not scared of getting hurt protecting people I care about!”

“But I care about you! And if you get seriously hurt like back then, what will I do Felix, huh? I can’t live without you…” Sylvain sounded destroyed, desperate. He completely forgot that Sylvain could remember the past too, about what had happened in high school. 

Felix used to get into fight after fight, taking his anger on anyone who ever stared at him. He was hated, getting beat up almost every day because of his rude, outspoken attitude. One time, he had gotten into a fight at a high school party, this being after he drank too much. He couldn’t handle his alcohol, it made him into a worse person who he already was. The fight ended poorly for both of them, the cops being called, and Felix ending up in the hospital after being completely destroyed. He had promised to Sylvain that he’d never drink, or get into a fight again in the hospital. He didn’t want to worry Sylvain. He had also promised to never drink again, knowing it would end in one way, Felix getting hurt somehow. Whether it be from a fight, or from his own doing, he would always end up hurt after drinking. 

Felix had completely forgotten about that promise, but clearly, Sylvain had not. Now guilt had built up inside him, realizing he hurt Sylvain. That’s the last thing he ever wanted to do. “I’m sorry. I won’t get into any more fights, but I’m not going to stop being friends with Ashe.” Felix was much more gentle than before, but still standing his guard. He was no longer scared, knowing that Sylvain was acting like this out of fear. Of course, he didn’t want to lose his best friend, which made perfect sense to him. 

“Okay, as long as you’re safe, I don’t care what happens to anything else. You know I’d do anything for you if you just asked.” He sounded sincere, Felix’s eyes locked with his. But then, suddenly Sylvain was looking down slightly, then realizing something. He was looking at Felix’s lips. Biting his lip, Felix didn’t move as Sylvain suddenly leaned forward, almost closing the gap between them. This was confusing. Sylvain said he was straight, so why was he about to kiss him? This was so weird. This shouldn’t be happening. Felix wasn’t sure how he felt about anything yet, how he felt about Ashe or Sylvain. He should stop this. But he didn’t. He stood there, vulnerable, flush covering his face. Lips almost touched when suddenly, they both stopped. A loud knock on the door caused them to freeze, then a voice from the other side. 

“Sylvi! I have to ask you something.” It was Hilda, causing Sylvain to look at the door. The two hesitated before Sylvain pulled away. 

“I should uh… get that.” He whispered against Felix’s lips, sending shivers down his spine. Watching as the other went to the door, Felix went into the bathroom to calm himself down. Splashing his face with water, he tried not to eavesdrop on the conversation, but he couldn’t help it. Washing off the rest of the blood on his face, applying ointment to his oncoming black eye. Even with all the injuries, he still looked good. Listening to the other’s conversation, he looked at himself in the mirror.

“Hey, Hils, what’s up? I’m kinda getting ready to go to bed so…” Sylvain trailed off. Oh, so now he was lying about almost kissing Felix, causing Felix’s hands to clench.  _ Calm down.  _ He took in a deep breath, trying to keep himself as stable as possible. He’s had enough drama for one day. 

“I wanted to let you know that I’m throwing a party at my house. Since my parents are out of town on a business trip this weekend, I thought having a party would be a good way to get everyone loosened up. Do you want to come? It’s on Friday .” Hilda leaned on the door frame, and Felix just knew she had her normal, somewhat full of herself, smile, across her face. The smile he wasn’t too fond of. A party, Felix hadn’t been to one since high school, and that didn’t end well. Maybe this time would be different. 

“Sorry, I can’t come, I have a late football practice on Friday.” 

“Oh boo. Caspar is coming though, and he has football practice too. You two can come together after practice, trust me, the party will be going on all night.” She was trying hard to convince Sylvain, but he wasn’t budging. He sighed, shaking his head. 

“We’ll see, okay? I may be too tired from practice, but we’ll see.” And with that, Hilda bid Sylvain goodnight before skipping down the hall. Orange eyes met Felix’s auburn ones once more, shutting the door, he walked closer to Felix. 

“What did she want?” Felix asked, pretending as if he wasn’t listening to the whole conversation. Part of him was testing Sylvain, knowing that he lied quite a lot. He wanted to see if he was going to treat Felix like one of the many girls he hits on. And to his dismay, he did lie to Felix, right to his face.

“Oh, it was nothing. She just wanted my notes from today's class.” He lied, taking another step closer to Felix, placing his hands on Felix’s hips. Felix’s eyes narrowed, giving him one more chance to redeem himself. Eyebrows raised at the sudden touch, but he didn’t blush as he did before, he just stared at Sylvain, examining his features. He had no tells. He was so used to lying to Felix … what else had he been lying about? 

“Are you sure it was nothing else?” Felix was praying inside that Sylvain coughed up the truth, making Felix’s anxiety ease. But he didn’t, and Felix felt his heart hurt from how easy Sylvain could lie to him. 

“Nope. Nothing else. Now, where were we?” Sylvain suddenly pulled Felix closer, making Felix even angrier than he already was. Was that all Felix was to Sylvain? Some way to get rid of his horny feeling since no girls were around? Did he truly not care about Felix’s feelings? How often did Sylvain lie to him? What a hypocrite. Before Sylvain could kiss him, Felix put his hand to Sylvain’s chest, quickly pushing Sylvain away. Sylvain looked shocked, stumbling back but quickly catching his balance. 

“What’s this about?” Sylvain’s eyebrows raised, trying to take a step forward again. Felix put a hand to Sylvain’s mouth, keeping him quiet as he glared back up at the other. 

“I need time to think before we do anything. I don’t want to do something I regret.” Felix removed his hands, his words sharp as he pushed past Sylvain. Sylvain stayed standing there for a moment, before turning to face Felix as Felix walked to his bed. Sitting on his bed, he quickly laid down, face facing the wall. 

“What changed?” Sylvain's voice seemed sad, but he was probably faking it. Anything to fuck someone, even if it meant hurting someone’s feelings. That’s who Sylvain was, a playboy, a liar. He shouldn’t be surprised, he shouldn’t be hurt. He shouldn’t even care. So Felix just sighed in response, before sitting up fast and glaring at Sylvain, who had been sitting on his own bed. 

“Nothing. I need time to think that’s all. I’ll see how I feel by tomorrow afternoon.” Felix was blunt, before laying back down, facing the wall again. He didn’t want Sylvain to see how crushed he was. The person he is supposed to trust most, the person who not 15 minutes ago said he’d do anything for him, lied straight to his face. He could get Sylvain’s point of view, he didn’t want to tell him about the party so Felix wouldn’t go, but now part of Felix wanted to go to the party just to spite him. 

That night, he went to bed angry. 

Waking up the next day, he was groggy and tired, too much happened in the past two days for him to process. He just wanted a normal day. No drama, no love. Just learning. Getting ready in the bathroom, he realized his nose was still broken, and his eye was a pretty bad shade of purple. He was going to get so many questions about this. Grabbing a bandage from the drawer, he put it over his nose, wincing at the pain of touching it. Brushing his hair, he heard the other wake up in the other room, a groan as he did so. Sylvain walked into the bathroom, and Felix refused to even greet him, not even looking at him. He tied his hair up into a ponytail as the other slipped by, starting to brush his teeth. Walking out of the bathroom, he ignored any attempt of conversation Sylvain tried to make. Instead, he grabbed his bag, and left early, slamming the door behind him. 

What he completely forgot about was the oncoming lecture he was going to receive from Dimitri about missing class, but really he was grateful for his friend's concern. 

“Where were you yesterday? And what happened to you?” Dimitri sat beside Felix, taking out his assortment of pencils, pens and highlighters. Felix groaned at the sight, it always annoyed how extra Dimitri was.

“I got into a fight.” Saying it out loud made Felix feel a bit sick, but he ignored the feeling to hurl. He brushed against his nose, which caused him to wince slightly from the pain, but he quickly ignored it like it was nothing. But Dimitri on the other hand, like his usual self, had to make a big deal out of it as he does usually. 

“Are you okay? Did you go to emerge?”

“I’m fine, and no I didn’t.”

“Does Sylvain know?” That struck knives into his heart, feeling the need to throw up become more and more strong. He didn’t want to talk about Sylvain right now, the idea of him made him sick. He was just using Felix for his sick games, to get rid of some of the arousal he felt. It sickened Felix that if it hadn’t been for Hilda, he would’ve just been used as some sort of sex toy and then left behind, like every other girl he’s seen. He really owed Hilda a debt of gratitude. 

“Yeah, he does.” Felix managed to say, before putting his head on the desk. Maybe he’d sleep through this class to ignore the horrible feeling inside. He told Dimitri this, and to his surprise, Dimitri agreed and even offered to take notes for him to copy. In moments like these, he was grateful for friends like Dimitri. 

Waking up about an hour later, Dimitri shook Felix slightly, but he tried not to hurt him. Groaning, auburn eyes opened, focusing on the boar beside him. “I know you’ll probably say no, but do you want to have lunch with Dedue, Ingrid and me?” Dimitri was being soft, too soft, was he babying Felix. He hated that. Felix scowled at the other, putting a finger to his chin to think. With a sigh, he stood and nodded, throwing his bag over his shoulder. 

“Why not? I have nothing better to do.” Felix agreed, following Dimitri out of the classroom. For the first time since high school, he could actually tolerate Dimitri’s presence, maybe fighting with Sylvain was a good thing. 

When they met up Dedue and Ingrid, the four of them made their way to a table in the main cafeteria, Felix couldn’t remember the last time he ate in here. It was gross and loud, but it was better than being alone right now. He had forgotten how tense things were between himself and Ingrid though, trying to ignore it would not bode well. But he tried to ignore it nonetheless, sitting in silence as the three spoke with each other. Ingrid suddenly turned towards Felix, a small smile on her face. 

“Are you going to Hilda’s party, Felix?” Right, he had completely forgotten about the party. Felix rested his cheek on his palm, eyes closing for a moment. He needed to think. Part of him knew it was wise to stay home, stay safe. He knew alcohol would be there, and him and alcohol do not mix all too well. Ingrid did not know this though, she went to a private all-girls school with Marianne, Annette and Mercedes. Another part of him wanted to go to spite Sylvain, make him feel the pain of being lied to. 

_ But you’re lying to him about the stalker. _

Opening his eyes, he saw Dimitri’s face, the boar knew what he was thinking. Dedue and Ingrid didn’t know what happened to Felix during high school, about going to the hospital because of drinking too much. So of course, Dimitri didn’t look too pleased with Felix. 

“I don’t know, why do you care?” Felix asked, a brow raised at the girl. She scowled at the other, crossing her arms and looking away from Felix.

“I was just curious as all. I’m not going, I have studying to do.” Ingrid stated, being quite proud of herself. She always praised herself for being a know-it-all cocky person. Well, person wasn’t the first word that came to mind, but he wouldn’t say it out loud. 

_ No one asked you. _

“And you two?” Felix asked, looking over at Dimitri and Dedue, who glanced at each other before Dimitri spoke for both of them. They seemed so close like they were on the same wavelength. It was a bit strange, but Felix wouldn’t question it, because honestly, he didn’t care. 

“We’re not going to go, it’s not really our scene.” He said their scene like the two were dating, wait. Were they? He didn’t care nonetheless, but it would explain a lot. “Felix, you probably shouldn’t go, since y’know … you missed so much class.” Felix was scared that the other was about to reveal stuff about his past but lucky for Dimitri, he kept his mouth shut. 

“I do what I want, boar.” He glared at the other, before focusing on the food he failed to even touch. He wasn’t hungry, honestly, he still felt sick. He felt as if his guts were trying to escape his body, but he refused to let it happen. He didn’t eat though, he assumed if he ate, he’d just throw it right back up. After about an hour of lively conversation, Felix excused himself from the table, getting bored of them in all honesty, and he told them this. 

“I’m bored, so I’m leaving. See you, Lapdog, Boar, You.” His new nicknames for his friends, those 3 would never compare to Sylvain’s new nickname. Slut.

-

Some time had passed, Felix just wandering around the school for a bit. But he suddenly bumped into a small girl, and he knew just who it was. Looking down at the orange-haired girl, he sighed, before a small laugh escaped his lips. 

“We have to stop meeting like this, Annette,” Felix smirked, which caused the other to pout. Behind her, a taller girl stood, Mercedes. Mercedes was someone he met in his first year, she was the one who showed Felix around the school. She was kind, a motherly like role, caring to all her friends. She laughed slightly, covering her mouth as she did so. 

“Mercedes! Don’t laugh!” Annette squeaked, causing Mercedes to apologize through her giggling. 

“So where’s a bean like you heading in such a hurry?” Felix teased, even bending down so they were eye to eye. That’s when Annette’s pout turned into a face of concern, both of them seemingly not noticing his injuries until they took a closer look. 

“Felix! What happened to your face? Are you okay?” The younger sounded incredibly worried, reaching to touch Felix’s black eye, which made him swat her hand away without warning. Mercedes put a hand on Annette’s shoulder, smiling softly while looking down at her. 

“Annie, you shouldn’t put your hand on people’s faces without permission, Felix must be in a lot of pain.”

“No, I’m fine.” Felix stood up, brushing the dust off of his pants in the process. Crossing his arms, he stood in a sassy like pose, a blank look on his face. “I got into a fight yesterday. My nose broke, but I’m fine, so don’t worry your tiny head.” He teased once more, looking down at Annette with a large, condescending, smirk. Her face heated up slightly, probably from anger. Explaining who happened to his face every 5 minutes is starting to get annoying now, Felix wished everyone just knew what happened so he didn’t have to say it anymore.

“Excuse me for caring!

“You never answered my question, where are you headin’?” Tilting his head, the smaller girl refused to answer, turning her head away from Felix. Mercedes decided to speak up instead, her calming, sweet voice somewhat reminding him of Ashe’s. Ashe… Felix couldn’t help but wonder how he was doing. 

“We’re going to the musical theatre hall so Annie can practice her singing, want to come?”

“Mercie! Don’t invite him! He’ll just make fun of my singing.” Annette was in protest, stomping her foot like she was about to throw a tantrum. This earned a scary look from Mercedes, one that sent a shiver down Felix’s spine. She was smiling, but she looked like she could kill. 

“Annie, don’t be so rude. I’m sure Felix won’t make fun of your singing.” She spoke sweetly, despite looking as if she was ready to kill at any moment. She shot a glare at Felix, which caused him to raise a brow, before nodding as if he understood her threat. 

“I promise I won’t make fun of your singing. I’m rude, but I’m not that rude.” Felix had only agreed to listen to her sing because he had time to kill.

“Then it’s settled! Annie, you should feel proud you’ll have more than a one-person audience for once.” And with that, they were off. While they were walking, Felix couldn’t help but think about Sylvain, and the party. What was he going to do? Was he going to go to the party and ruin any chance with Sylvain he had left? Or was he going to stay home, and be a lapdog to Sylvain’s needs and selfish desires? The option was clear, but Felix couldn’t help but try and give Sylvain the benefit of the doubt. Maybe that was a one-time thing, maybe Sylvain only truly lied to him to protect him. Felix wanted to forgive him, wanted to be with him, maybe there was a chance. 

Listening to Annette sing really took his mind off things, she was much better than she wanted to admit. Though she needed some practice, not everyone was perfect, Felix is one of the sole exceptions of being perfect. Who was he kidding? He was far from perfect. Looking at the time, he saw that it was 4:25 pm. 

“Shit, I have to go.” He was going to meet Sylvain at the football field, give him a second chance, tell him he forgave him. It was going to be romantic, it was going to be perfect. Bidding goodbye to the two girls, he ran towards the football field. On the way, he saw Ashe and decided that he would catch up with him. 

“Ashe, hey.” Tapping the other’s shoulder, the smaller turned towards him with a grin. He looked so pleased, he looked so happy, it made Felix’s heart feel warm. Don’t think about that, you’re about to confess his love for Sylvain. 

“Hey, Felix! I’m glad I bumped into you. Are you going to meet Sylvain at the football field?” 

“Yeah. I’m assuming you’re going to meet Caspar.” Felix raised a brow, starting to walk side by side with the other. Ashe hummed a response, nodding his head. They walked in silence to the bleachers, but a comfortable silence, unlike the days before. But they hadn’t talked since last night, since the incident with Hubert. Felix didn’t want to bring it up, he was scared in all honesty. He didn’t want Ashe to feel bad, he couldn’t handle it. 

Sitting on the cold, metal, bleachers. The football players were inside, but the cheerleaders were outside. Felix forgot that the cheerleaders existed, they were almost as bad as the asshole football jocks. Then he spotted the worst of them all, Constance. Short blond hair and piercing blueish-purple eyes. Her eyes locked with Felix’s, and she smirked, why…? Then she gave a wave, the nerve of that girl! She then went back to her two friends, Monica and Happi. She couldn’t stand Monica, but Happi was okay. There was something fishy about Monica, the redhead had just shown up in her second year, no files about her past, nothing. Felix may have done a bit of snooping in the past, he wanted to be a detective, it was his job. 

Seeing Sylvain come onto the field, already out of uniform, Felix stood up, running up to the bar on the bleachers. Ashe remained sitting, looking at his phone. Felix was about to call out to Sylvain, when he watched Constance run up to him, Felix biting his lip in nervousness. Sylvain had failed to notice Felix, maybe if he did, things would have ended differently. 

Watching in silence as Constance and Sylvain spoke, what happened next made his heart shatter. He was so wrong to give Sylvain a second chance, Sylvain would never change, and this was proof. Clenching his fists, he could bear what he was watching. 

Constance and Sylvain, kissing. 

Felix felt his breath become heavier, trying to keep himself calm. Before Sylvain could notice Felix, the purple-haired male turned around, looking at Ashe, who was oblivious to what had just happened. Felix walked up to Ashe, tapping him on the shoulder, acting on impulse. When his emerald eyes met Felix’s saddened auburn ones, his head tilted in confusion. 

“What’s wrong Felix?”

“Want to go to Hilda’s party with me on Friday?” Felix looked serious, beyond serious, his stare able to crush a thousand souls. 

“Uh… yeah sure!”

“Good, I’ll be at your dorm at 8 on Friday. See you then.” And with that, Felix stormed off, trying to fight the urge to cry. Sylvain ruined everything, Sylvain ruined their friendship, and it may never be fixed. Felix would never forgive him for this, for breaking his heart once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM GONNA SAY NOW I LOVE ALL THE FE3H CHARACTERS, well most of them, BUT ALL THE BAD GUYS IN THIS FANFIC I ACTUALLY LOVE. LIKE HUBERT, AND CONSTANCE, I LOVE THOSE TWO TO BITS I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD FIT IF THEY WERE THE BAD GUYS.


	8. Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is a long-ass chapter so be prepared. also a lot of things happen but i try to keep it as together as possible. also tw.violence

Storming into his dorm, slamming the door behind him. Throwing his bag at the wall, he felt like screaming, he felt like punching something, he felt like crying. His breathing was quick, sharp, it was too much to deal with. Don’t cry. He wanted to hate Sylvain, he wanted to destroy him, he wanted him to feel the pain he was feeling. Yet, he couldn’t get over him. He clung onto some false hope that Sylvain would change his mind and chose Felix instead. How delusional could he get? Pacing back and forth in the dorm, he felt his heart sink deeper and deeper into sadness, old tendencies wanting to come back. One of those being throwing up. Whenever he had a bad feeling or a feeling he was used to, it made him hurl. He couldn’t handle emotions like a normal kid, or like a normal teen. So instead of addressing his issues, he threw them up, it was like once they exited his mouth, he wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore, being exiled from his body. 

Running to the bathroom in a flash, he bent over the toilet, and just like he wanted all his emotions came pouring out him at once - along with only bile since he hadn’t eaten all day. He used to cry when he threw up, not anymore. He enjoyed the pain of his burning throat, believing he deserved it. Gagging, body wrenching back and forth as more came out of his mouth, he was putting himself through his own personal hell - and he deserved it. He deserved it for thinking someone who is straight, a playboy, a self-centred football player, could ever love someone like Felix. He deserved it for throwing himself headfirst into a world of delusions that for once things would go his way. Nothing went his way, and he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up for otherwise. Felix didn’t deserve the romance, didn’t deserve the love, didn’t even deserve the attention that friends gave him. He was an awful human being deserving of nothing more than being spat on. Maybe his stalker should finally just kill him. 

Suddenly, the dorm door clicked open, which caused Felix to jump to his feet. Wiping his mouth of any excess bile, he flushed the toilet before dashing to the sink to wash his mouth, brushing his teeth. Seeing Sylvain walk in from the corner of his eye, his heart ached, but more than that angered boiled in his stomach.  _ Don’t throw up.  _ Sylvain’s eyes wandered to Felix before a confused look spread over his face.

“Why are you brushing your teeth?” A genuine question, which Felix only responded with spitting out the toothpaste, before rinsing his mouth of any paste left on the corners of his mouth. In the mirror's reflection, he could see Sylvain’s concerned expression, one that quickly shifted into a smirk. Don’t wear that face, Felix will kill you. 

“Oh, getting your mouth nice and clean before we pick up where we left off yesterday.” Sylvain spun Felix around so they were face to face, Felix being pushed up against the sink. This wasn’t happening, Sylvain really wasn’t that much of an idiot. Is this what he did to all the girls he came in contact with, Felix found a newfound respect for those girls. As the taller leaned closer, it was hard for Felix to resist, he wanted this so badly. But he knew he was being used. 

Raising his hand quickly, a strong, powerful, slap across the other’s face, causing the other to freeze in shock. Felix’s hand even stung a bit from the slap, so he could only imagine how bad Sylvain’s face must’ve felt. But without realizing, he had pushed the other back, Sylvain’s body slamming against the tiled bathroom walls. Felix’s eyes widened at what he had done, his anger taking too much control. Leaving the bathroom in a hurry, he went to his drawers to grab a few pairs of clothes. He couldn’t be here for a while, he couldn’t be around Sylvain until his feelings were sorted out. 

Sylvain took a few moments to leave the bathroom, but when he did, shock was still riddled across his face. Shoving his stuff into his bag, Felix turned for them to be eye to eye once more. Eyes locked, Felix felt as if he was going to collapse under his own guilt. 

“What the hell was that for? I get you need time to think, but you could’ve just said no instead of slapping me!” Sylvain’s voice raised slightly, which caused Felix to go into full defence mode. He was ready to bite back, ready for the kill. Sylvain deserved it, he wanted him to choke on his pride. 

“Maybe don’t lead on your best friend for years only to sleep with a bunch of different girls, then kiss the girl he hates!” Felix's sarcastic remark caused Sylvain’s eyes to widen, but Sylvain didn’t have time to process what Felix was saying until Felix continued to bite back. He started a fight with the wrong person, a voice in his head told him to stop being so mean, but he didn’t listen. 

“You tell me to stay away from someone who actually makes me feel happy besides you because out of some weird jealousy thing, but then when you get the first chance to fuck a girl you take it huh? Is it because you think so lowly of yourself you need to lead people on?”

“You told me you needed time to think! Do you expect me to wait around for you to finally be able to understand your feelings? Maybe if you stopped throwing them up for a goddamn second you wouldn’t be in this mess, to begin with!”

Their yelling was loud, people outside the dorm had probably heard them. But Felix didn’t care at this point, he was completely engulfed by rage and the ecstasy of fighting. He missed this feeling, the feeling of being able to realize his anger. If only it wasn’t on his best friend. 

“I told you I needed time to think and you ran off with some girl the next day!? You didn’t even wait a full 24 hours, are you  _ that  _ desperate!? You lead me on for years, and you know you did. Deep down you loved having me pinning over you from a distance because you knew that I’d do anything for you if you asked! You don’t … You don’t have the right to be angry with me!” Felix felt like crying, his throat was already sore from throwing up, and now this. His voice was getting hoarse, and the other could tell, he just knew Sylvain was loving this. 

“You’re not completely innocent Felix and you know that! You were going to go to Hilda’s party to spite me, even though you know how you get around alcohol. You pretend to be this perfect person but you’re broken and refuse to accept help. Plus, you have feelings for two guys, so you were just going to lead me on the same way until Ashe reciprocated your affection, which would never happen! You know why? Because you are a self-centred, rude, full of yourself, loudmouth jerk. All you care about is yourself!”

_ He’s right.  _

Sylvain took steps closer to Felix, causing Felix to be rendered into a complete panic. Any closer and he will start throwing punches, and that is the last thing he wants to do.

“I wasn’t going to lead you on! I knew how I felt for you for such a long time! And you couldn’t get it through your thick skull, could your tiny brain not understand any feelings besides your own?” Felix was starting to feel weak, he needed to get out of here, but he couldn’t, Sylvain was cornering him.  _ Please stop… _

“Oh what a load of shit, Felix! Maybe if you were just a bit nicer, and understood your feelings a bit more than I would’ve understood as well. But you shut everyone out, including me! You’re a selfish, lone-wolf that can’t understand the concept of other people’s feelings. If you just kept your mouth shut maybe your brother would still be alive!” 

Suddenly, everything went silent. Felix was frozen in place, Sylvain had covered his mouth to stop himself from speaking. If what he felt before wasn’t heartbreak, this was. He felt his hands start to shake, his body getting weaker and weaker. The room was spinning, he was dizzy. He needs to throw up, he needs to run, he needs to fight. He needs to cry. But he kept inside, instead frozen in place, feeling the walls close in around him. Fight or Flight. Choose now. When Sylvain reached a hand forward in apology, Felix made his choice in that instant. His voice raised, screaming at this point. If people didn’t hear before, he would’ve heard this. 

“Don’t touch me!” Felix suddenly pushed past Sylvain, dizziness starting to hit him like a train. Running to the dorm door, he opened it quickly. 

“Where are you going!?” Sylvain had called out, but Felix couldn’t hear him. He was too focused on trying not to collapse, trying not to completely pass out. Before Felix began to run off, Sylvain grabbed his wrist, just like the night before. But instead of feeling sexual tension, all he felt was overwhelming sadness. 

“Please don’t go! I need you here with me. I’m so sorry. Please… at least don’t go to Hilda’s party.” Sylvain was begging at this point, but Felix didn’t care. He pulled his hand away, not even looking back at Sylvain as he stood there for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. 

“I don’t know who you are anymore.” And with that, Felix ran, bag slung over his arm as he fought off the tears that wanted so desperately to fall down his cheeks. Everything around him was falling apart, he needed to isolate himself from everyone, or more importantly, from Sylvain. As he ran, he couldn’t help but only hear his own footsteps, everyone around him deafening. He needed to calm down, he needed to sit down, he needed someone to hold him and tell him it was going to be alright. But he didn’t want to open enough for people to actually help him. Sylvain was right about him. Every single thing he said was right, and Felix couldn’t handle the truth. Felix was a loudmouth, he was selfish, he was cruel, but most importantly, he killed his own brother. His idiocy is the reason his brother is gone, the reason Felix is like this today.

He knew where to go, somewhere where no one was allowed in, someone who was the queen of isolation. Arriving at her dorm, he frantically knocked on the door, which caused a small squeak of a voice to reply. “Go away!”

“Bernadetta, it’s me! Felix. Please let me in.” He was desperate at this point, his normal demeanour quickly melting away. To his luck, the tiny girl opened the door, her purple hair peeking through the crack of the door. He quickly slipped inside before she locked it again, sighing as she faced Felix once more. 

“W-What happened to you? You look awful - ah sorry!” This prompted him to tell her the whole argument, she was one of the only people she could trust at this point, plus he knew she wouldn’t tell anyone because she was a professional hermit. She was a graphic art major who had requested to take all online classes, along with that she was painfully shy. He wished he could be like her, alone and being content with it. 

When he finished telling her the story, she decided that she would let him stay in her dorm for the next few days, knowing that Felix needed some well-earned isolation. So much for a drama-free second year, he felt like everything was too overwhelming and it was only the first week. 

-

Before he knew what hit him, it was 7 pm on Friday. He had skipped every class the rest of the week, but Dimitri had been kind enough to take pictures of his notes and send them to Felix to copy. It was weird how kind the boar was being, maybe he had truly changed. 

Getting changed in the bathroom, he threw on a pair of ripped black jeans, and a black t-shirt, what a surprise. But instead of a jean jacket, be through on a pink zip-up hoodie, realizing that was the only jacket he had brought with him when he ran out of his dorm. He couldn’t help but think about Sylvain, maybe it was time to forgive what he had said. 

_ “If you just kept your mouth shut maybe your brother would still be alive!” _

No. He just couldn’t stomach seeing Sylvain yet. He wanted to be with his best friend again, he missed him so much, but what he said hit deep, bringing up untouched memories from the past. He needed this party to get over, drink away his sorrows. Hopefully, Felix has changed too, hopefully, now he wouldn’t start a fight after a few shots. Brushing his hair, he decided to be a bit fancy and braid it, this also being so he could keep the hair out of his face. 

Coming out of the bathroom, the young girl hunched over her laptop raised her brow, but yet didn’t even look at him. “W-Where are you going?” 

“Hilda’s party.”

“Didn’t Sylvain say you shouldn’t go. I hate to agree with him right now but he’s right about this.” Bernadetta spoke quietly, but Felix responded in a sigh. Putting a hand on her shoulder, he gave her a small smile. 

“I don’t need to listen to Sylvain, I’m an adult after all. I’ll be safe though, I promise.” A party is just what he needed to take his mind off this hectic week, getting a fresh start next week with a new mindset. No more focusing on Sylvain or Ashe, it was time to focus on himself. Proving Sylvain’s point more about how selfish he truly is, who cares what he says.

“I’ll be back tomorrow morning, see you.” With that he was gone, walking down the empty hall towards Ashe’s dorm. A sudden tap on his shoulder made him turn around, only to be met with orange eyes staring back at his. Sylvain. Not now. He just promised himself he’d get his mind off of him, and now he’s back to make everything more complicated. 

“I know you probably hate me at this point-”  _ I don’t…  _ “But I wanted to apologize for what I said. But please, but smart about this Felix, don’t go to Hilda’s party just to spite me. You don’t have to come back to our dorm but… just stay home tonight.” He sounded genuine like he still cared. Maybe Felix would take a page out of older’s book, shoving his hands into his pockets, he responded with a fake smile. 

“Fine. I won’t go to the party.” Felix lied, and he was getting pretty good at it too. It still made him sick to see Sylvain, even after his apology. It would take a bit of time to forgive him, anger being stored in his heart for later. For some poor soul to receive. But it was Sylvain’s fault this time, Felix never taking responsibility for his own actions. 

“Thank you… I heard from Dimitri that you’ve been staying in Bernadetta’s dorm, I’m glad you found a friend to room with for the time being.” 

Silence in response, Felix just glaring up at the male. A moment of awkward tension passed, before Sylvain sighed, running a hand through his hair before turning away from Felix. “I should get going now, don’t want to be late to practice. Have a good night.” And with that, the other jogged away, a pain in his heart that Sylvain didn’t try any harder to make things right. Felix deserved to be won over, not just a liar’s apology. 

Speaking of liars, Felix made his way to Ashe’s dorm, knocking on the door. He was ready to party, he was ready to drink away Sylvain’s lies. Seeing emerald green eyes meet with his own caused a smile to spread over his face, his eyes were so pretty. “Hey Felix, you’re a bit early so I’m still eating. Did you want some?” He opened the door as he spoke, seeing Linhardt crossed-legged on his bed, staring at his phone. The green-haired male didn’t even acknowledge Felix’s presence, which was fine in all honesty because he wasn’t in the mood to talk. 

“Why are you eating so late?” Felix raised a brow, before sitting on the ground beside Ashe’s bed. He would feel awkward if he sat right beside Ashe, were they close enough to do that. They had been texting the whole time that Felix put himself in self-isolation, but that meant nothing, right? He couldn’t deal with his feelings for Ashe at the moment, not when he was still harbouring some feelings for Sylvain deep inside. 

“Well I’ve never been to a party before, but I assumed that there was going to be alcohol, so I don’t want to get too drunk. You should probably eat too.” Ashe sheepishly laughed, rubbing the back of his neck for a moment. Right. There was going to be alcohol, and he and alcohol did not mix very well. Felix should eat so his metabolism broke it down better, but … part of him wanted to drink away his feelings. Relive his old high school days, those were the good old days. Sadly, he didn’t even remember most of his high school days besides being drunk or in a fight.

“I’m okay, I already ate.” Another lie, he was getting better and better at lying. Lying to the people he cared about, Sylvain and Ashe… Felix really was becoming a monster. Ashe nodded in response, before excusing himself for the bathroom. Linhardt and Felix sat in silence for a moment, before Linhardt spoke quietly, still not looking up at him though.

“You’re quite good at lying.” Linhardt sounded uninterested in this conversation, so why start it in the first place. A brow raised in response, sudden aggression building up inside. But don’t act out on it, the green-haired male made a good point. Felix just looked away and scoffed, brows furrowing in frustration. 

“What’s it to you? I’m not hurting anyone.”

“I know… but someone could get hurt from this. But, I have no place to judge. As long as you don’t hurt Ashe, I honestly don’t care how many lies you tell.” Linhardt hesitated slightly, before looking at Felix, eyes locking for a second. Tired eyes now scary, eyes narrowed, face blank. Is this what Felix always looked like? “But if you do hurt him. I won’t hesitate to wipe you out of this world, making everyone forget your pitiful existence.”

That caused shivers to go down Felix’s spine, breaking eye contact for a second. Mercedes and Linhardt, why did the two most kind looking people end up being the scariest? Felix wasn’t scared of many things, but those two did cause the hair on his arm to rise. Ashe came back into the room to feel the awkward silence, causing his head to tilt. “What were you two talking about?”

In response to Ashe’s question, Linhardt only yawned before muttering ‘nothing.’ and laying down on his bed, back facing the other two. Ashe sighed, running a hand through his grey hair. “Linhardt, we’re about to get going, are you sure you don’t want to come? You’ll have fun.” Ashe pleaded, trying to convince the taller male to get out of bed. Unlikely. Linhardt shook his head, not even bothering to respond with words. And in a matter of seconds, he was out like a light. It was amazing how fast he could fall asleep. Ashe sighed before throwing on his jacket, both leaving the dorm quietly. 

Walking through the halls, Felix was a bit on edge. He didn’t want to bump into Sylvain, because his lies would fall into pieces in a matter of seconds. Being a detective meant acting on your toes, but even a detective slips up from time to time. Hopping into Ashe’s car, he hoped that Ashe didn’t plan on driving home while drunk after the party. Felix even asked him this, which caused Ashe to shake his head in quick response. 

“No no. Hilda said I could stay at her place, you’re allowed to stay if you want as well.” Ashe then started up the car, and Felix couldn’t help but remember the last time he was in the car. Driving back from his fight with Hubert, tired, bloodied, then it followed Sylvain lying to him. Felix clenched his fists at the memory, focusing on the outdoors so Ashe wouldn’t see the anger on his face. 

It took about an hour to get to Hilda’s place, arriving at 9:10 pm. Ashe parked the car down the street, so they had to walk a bit. Even being about a block away, they could hear the blasting music from Hilda’s house, and the flashing lights as well. And when they finally reached Hilda’s front porch, they realized something very critical. Hilda was stinking rich. Not just they had a lot of money, no, their house was huge, and at least 4 floors. Felix wasn’t used to this, and clearly, neither was Ashe. The two of them lived pretty lower-middle-class lives, especially Ashe. 

They pushed the door open, and they were suddenly greeted with a mob of people, dancing shoulder to shoulder, a wave of music almost strong enough to shut the door behind them as they walked in. Both of the boys seemed very overwhelmed by the whole surroundings, but luckily Felix had been to parties before, so he somewhat knew his way around. Grabbing Ashe by the hand without warning, he dragged the boy through the crowded group of people, trying to find Hilda in this ocean of drunk young adults. Finally arriving at the kitchen, Felix noticed the dyed bright pink hair that could only belong to Hilda. Rushing up to her, she seemed to be in a conversation with a tall, brown-haired male. He didn’t look familiar. Hilda was kicking her legs on the kitchen island, the male standing in front of her with a sassy stance. When her eyes finally landed on Felix, her face lit up. 

“Felix! Ashe! You made it. I guess Sylvi didn’t come after all.” She pouted slightly, and the mention of Sylvain caused him to have a saddened look on his face for a moment before he went back to his blank expression. She jumped off the island, standing beside the unknown man, hooking an arm around him. 

“This is Claude. He goes to a different school, and he doesn’t really know anyone here. So is it okay if he does shit with us?” As if Felix or Ashe could say no, after all, Hilda always got what she wanted. Felix and Ashe nodded in unison, and the four began to talk. It was hard to hear anyone over the music, but Felix sort of loved this feeling, despite looking like he didn’t want to be here. He was having fun, and he was glad to see Ashe was having fun. His eyes were wide, glistening with young enthusiasm. As they spoke in the kitchen, suddenly a taller girl stood beside him. And without knowing what was happening, he was suddenly pulled into a big hug, almost suffocating in the other’s hug. He struggled to try and get free, hearing a familiar giggle as he did so. When he pulled away, he looked at the person who had hugged him, and a small smile rested upon his face. 

“Hey, Felix! Long time no see.”

“What are you doing here Dorothea?” Felix asked, placing a hand upon his hip. She smirked back, responding with the same amount of sassiness. Out of all of Sylvain’s past girlfriends, Dorothea was the most tolerable. She was able to bite back, respond with sass, yet she remained kind throughout the whole time. She was also the only one who was okay with Sylvain’s and his close friendship. 

“I was invited, what are you doing here Felix? I didn’t know just anyone was invited to this party.” She spoke with snarkiness, ruffling Felix’s hair, which made him respond with a ‘hey!’. After more small talk the five of them started to play a drinking game, this being suggested by Felix after Dorathea and Hilda starting talking about Sylvain and how he was going on a date with Constance.

The game was simple, who could take the most shots. Felix wanted to win, Felix wanted to drink away his feelings. They all started with one shot, Ashe looked like he was in shock, Felix had forgotten that Ashe had never drank before, and so, of course, he would be disgusted by the taste. Felix rushed quickly to the fridge to get Ashe and himself a chaser, not wanting the vodka taste to linger. And like that, they went a bit too far. Ashe stopped drinking at 3 shots, knowing that he probably shouldn’t push himself too far on his first time. Dorathea tapped out 6, already too wasted to drink anymore. She wanted to drink more, but Claude took away her shot glass before she had to go to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. Hilda tapped out soon after at 7 shots, claiming that she was going to throw up and that she did - right in the sink. This earned a loud laugh from Felix, he was too drunk to hide his happy, laid back attitude. He used to be laid back before he died, and he used to be quite a crybaby as well, that all changed though. 

Now it was just Claude and Felix, shot after shot, they got up to ten, and Felix’s eyesight began to get blurry. He forgot he hadn’t eaten in at least a day, so the alcohol was going to hit him much worse. But he wouldn’t back down, he wanted to win. He was having too much fun!

Now at about 12 shots, or was it 13, he lost count. He picked up another glass, before stumbling back slightly. Ashe and Dorothea were helping Hilda, who was currently throwing up in the sink, so it was just Claude and Felix. Claude had caught Felix before he fell completely back. Claude had one hand on Felix’s shoulders, and their eyes were locked for a second. Felix smiled slightly, muttering a thank you before picking up another shot, having a determined look in his eyes. Claude looked a bit concerned, before grabbing the shot out of Felix’s hand, which caused Felix to whine, this was so out of character.

“Wait… give it back.” Felix sounded like a child, unaware of such. Claude was taller than him, so Felix couldn’t reach when Claude held it up. 

“You’re about to fall over dude. You need to take a break. I know I just met ya’ but I’m sure that your friends would hate to see you in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.” Claude made a good point, but he didn’t care. Felix grabbed the cup from Claude’s hand when he lowered his guard, quickly downing it before Claude could stop him. A large grin on Felix’s face, leaning a bit closer to Claude, not because he was trying to do anything, but because he was losing his balance. Claude put his other hand on Felix’s shoulder, both hands now keeping him sturdy. Felix’s mind flashed back to when Sylvain had pinned him against the wall, tried to use him, tried to mess with his feelings. This caused Felix to stiffen, making him feel nervous. Claude noticed, and quickly removed his hands, apologizing slightly. 

“You need to stop drinking before you get seriously hurt!” Claude pleaded a bit louder, which caused Felix’s blood to boil. It was happening again. Just like high school. He was going to get into a fight because he drank too much. Everything was spinning, everything was making him feel sick. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the alcohol, or because he was angry, but he shouldn’t fight. He knew he shouldn’t. He promised he wouldn’t fight. Yet here he was, about too. Stay calm. Stop. 

“You can’t tell me what to do.” Felix snapped back, taking a step forward. He was dizzy. He was sick. He was saying whatever came to the top of his head, he was drunk. He hadn’t been this drunk since high school, and well, last time that ended up with him in the hospital after a fight, and history was about to repeat itself. 

“Hey, calm down. Don’t do something you’ll regret.” Claude put his hands up in defence, and memory of Sylvain doing the same when Felix was about to punch him came to mind. Sylvain. He lied to his best friend. He hurt him. He couldn’t break this promise, despite how much he hated Sylvain at this moment. Felix took a step back, regret filling his eyes. But he quickly hid it, grabbing the bottle of vodka that was next to empty before glaring at Claude. 

“Tch. What do you know?” And with that, he stormed off into the crowd, hearing Claude call out his name before he was drowned out by the loud music. What time was it? Felix had no clue. It seemed late, it was probably at least 12 am. Pushing his way through the crowd with the bottle in hand, he glanced around the crowd. He wanted to go outside, clear his head. But he couldn’t find the door to the porch, looking around the room. Eyes glance around until he stops in his tracks, thinking he saw the last person he’d want to see. Hubert. No. He isn’t here. Felix is just drunk, that’s why he saw him. He saw what he’s worried about, that’s it. Shaking his head, the image of Hubert was gone, and instead a short, redhead girl … Monica. Just as bad as Hubert, actually, maybe not as bad but as creepy. She just simply smiled at him, before turning to talk with her friends once more. Felix decided to ignore it, finally making his way to the porch. 

The cold, brisk air felt nice against his hot face, it was bright red from the booze at this point. Yet he continued to drink, now straight from the bottle. He truly was worse than his high school self, drowning his problems in alcohol just like when his brother died. Suddenly, a hand on his shoulder, causing him to look back. He saw Ashe, smiling as if he wasn’t drunk too. Was Ashe not drunk? How boring. When the other sat beside him, Felix simply rested his head on Ashe’s shoulders, whining quietly. 

“The area is spinning, and I keep seeing people I don’t like,” Felix complained, looking up at Ashe who was focusing on him as well. Their eyes locked for a moment, and Felix smiled wide. He was far past gone at this point. Bringing the bottle up to his mouth, he was about to take another sip when Ashe suddenly grabbed the bottle from him. 

“Oh, are you going to drink more? Fun…” Felix trailed off, scooting closer to the more sober male. Ashe sighed, placing the bottle beside him, he quickly wrapped one arm around Felix, pulling him into a side hug. Felix nuzzled up on Ashe’s warm shoulder, breathing heavily on the other’s neck. Everything was spinning, it felt like vertigo. 

“No, I’m not going to drink anymore. I’m just making sure you stop too. Claude told me to find you and said I should take care of you. And that’s what I’m doing.” Ashe was so sweet, but this caused a small ‘boooo’ to come from Felix when he heard Ashe wasn’t drinking anymore. A moment of silence passed before Felix shivered, cold despite how warm his body felt inside. Ashe clearly noticed this and put his jacket around Felix’s shoulders. Felix’s smile only grew, looking at the other with extreme intoxication spread across his face. 

“You’re so sweet, you know that? Since I first met you, you’ve been nothing but kind-” Felix hiccuped while speaking, but continued to slur his words as he spoke. “-even though, I’ve been so mean. I’ve given you multiple opportunities to hate me. But you haven’t. Keep this up and I’m going to fall in love with you.” This drunk confession was followed by Felix quickly sitting up, and leaning to the other side to throw up in the bush beside him. He was classy. Feeling a hand on his back, he felt Ashe rub it to keep him soothed while he threw up everything he drank. When Felix was done, he sat up slowly, wiping the puke from his mouth. Despite throwing up about 3 fourths of the alcohol, he was still pretty drunk. So drunk that he hadn’t even noticed the bright red blush on Ashe’s face, that must be from the alcohol. 

“Fall in love with me? Don’t you and Sylvain have some sort of thing going on? You’re so close after all.” Ashe raised a brow, which caused Felix to stop moving for a second. He felt tears well up in his eyes, but he refused to cry. Wiping them away, he looked back at Ashe with a saddened look. 

“We’re not together. And if we were, I would’ve broken up with him by now. We got into a fight.” Felix proceeded to tell Ashe part of the story, lying about the part where Sylvain specifically asked Felix to not hang out with Ashe and also skipping over the fact that he promised Sylvain he’d never fight again, and that he wouldn’t come to his party. He knew Ashe would hate him if he knew how much Felix had been lying the past few days. He also didn’t mention that he thinks Hubert is his stalker, knowing that would just complicate this situation more. Why was Ashe’s friend from high school stalking Felix, and worse, why was Felix being stalked for 7 years straight. It was all too confusing for him, especially trying to figure it out with a drunk brain. 

“Oh, I see. You know, you two somewhat remind me of brothers. Insanely close, but you fight time to time. I’m sure you guys will make up soon. That’s what brothers do.” Felix suddenly stopped. Brothers. His brother. Sylvain was like his brother? He was going to kill Sylvain like how he killed his brother? Like how he killed Glenn!? 

“N-No … No no no no no no no!” Felix began to freak out, panic filling his whole body. When Ashe’s face flashed with sudden worry, he reached forward to try to calm Felix down. 

“Hey, what’s wrong? Felix calm down-”

“SHUT UP!” Felix yelled, standing up suddenly. He was wobbly. He was angry, he was scared, he was panicking. He was drunk. He felt like throwing up, not from the alcohol though, but from the memory of Glenn. The blood, the wounds, the rain, the hot summer day. It was all rushing back to him like a horrid wave, he was drowning in the past. 

“Felix-?”

“You don’t know a goddamn thing! How could you say that Sylvain is my brother! H-How…” Felix hesitated, taking a few steps away from Ashe who was only trying to comfort him. He was pushing Ashe away, just how he pushed Sylvain away. He couldn’t do this anymore. Coming to this party was the worst idea he ever had. 

“Felix, calm down.” He was so gentle, but Felix, on the other hand, was violent. He wasn’t deserving of a friend like this. But how.. how could Ashe say such a thing!?

“You’re an idiot!” Felix had yelled, before turning and sprinting as fast as possible. Where was he going? He had no clue. But he had to get away from here, he had to run as fast as possible. Feeling a gaze on his back, the stalker,  _ Oh god! Not right not! _

Sprinting as fast as he could, luckily he was a fast sprinter. But the words of Sylvain and Ashe held him back, making tears form in his eyes. Glenn. He was dead because of Felix’s selfishness, because of his loud mouth, because of his dumb dreams his brother, the person he looked up to the most, was dead! He couldn’t do this anymore, pain filling his body. Still quite drunk, he stopped running for a moment, throwing up in the middle of the road. From the alcohol or from the pain inside? He couldn’t tell the difference. But this is what he wanted right? To be so drunk he was numb? To be so drunk that he forgot all his problems? 

_ “That’s what brothers do.” _

_ “If you just kept your mouth shut maybe your brother would still be alive!” _

He felt like screaming at the top of his lungs, but he kept his mouth shut. His eyesight was blurry, wiping off his mouth, about to continue to sprint when something grabbed the collar of his jacket. No, not his jacket. He was still wearing Ashe’s coat. Ashe… he ruined everything. But he couldn’t think about that right now, turning around he saw someone with black hair and piercing eyes - Hubert!? Before Felix had time to react, he felt his braid being grabbed, pulled as the other’s fist impacted with Felix’s already broken nose, causing him to yelp in pain. His eyesight became more blurry with every punch the taller had thrown at him, bashing him over the head with his two fists, punching his abdomen so throwup and blood came spewing out. Why was Hubert doing this!? Was Hubert truly his stalker?

Blood dripped from Felix’s mouth, unable to even stand at that point. He was dizzy, he was losing consciousness. He couldn’t even see Hubert at this point, only his eyes and sickening grin. But he could see red hair from someone who was standing behind him. They also had a piercing gaze, it sent shivers down his spine. Before Felix could even say anything, he felt another blow to the head from Hubert, causing him to almost onto the ground completely. 

“Huh, Felix? Not going to fight back at all? You said next time you saw me you’d kill me! Pathetic. A waste of space!? Where’s all that talk now huh? HUH?” Hubert was yelling, scaring Felix even more. Blood dripped down his face, hopefully, none of this would leave a mark the next day. Spitting out some blood, Felix forced himself to stand. He wanted to fight back, but his body didn’t let him. Plus, he promised Sylvain that he wouldn’t fight anymore. He couldn’t break that promise. 

Looking at his sleeves for a moment, he noticed blood on them. Oh no… he stained Ashe’s jacket. That was the final straw. Lunging forward, he tried to take a swing at Hubert, but missed completely, causing Felix’s eyes to go wide. Before he knew what hit him, there was a hand around his throat, choking him, lifting him up in the hair so his feet were dangling. Despite being choked, he had a better chance to see who the other standing behind Hubert was. 

“M-Monica… ?” He could barely speak, only making out her name before the grip around his neck began to tighten. This was definitely going to leave a mark, but he couldn’t think about that right now. He only had one thing on his mind. 

_ I’m going to die! This is where I die! Don’t kill me. Don’t kill me. I don’t want to die! _

“Why are you … doing this!?” Felix choked out before the grip around his neck tightened. He gasped for air, struggling to grab the other’s wrists to try to pry him off. Please stop! He saw the grin on Hubert’s pale face widen, it looked so evil. Felix had never felt this type of fear before, he was truly going to die. 

“Why? Huh? Because I can. Maybe if you kept your mouth shut all those years ago, then your brother would still be alive and this wouldn’t be happening. But you know this? Sylvain didn’t have any trouble reminding you. And then you ruined your friendship with him, and then ruined your chance with Ashe was well. It was all your fault!” Hubert’s grip tightened even more, Felix’s lips going blue, blood dripping down from them. Ashe’s jacket had fallen off, leaving him in his sweater. He was extremely hot even though the wind was so brisk. If Felix didn’t do something now, he’d die! 

_ Do something! Anything! I’m going to die! _

“I’ll kill you just like I did your brother.” 

Hubert killed Glenn? He killed Glenn. No. No. NO. Felix acted on instinct, biting Huberts hand, causing the grip to loosen just enough for Felix to fall on his knees. “You rat!” Felix quickly pushed himself up, looking at Monica and Hubert who were taking their time walking over to them. Were they both stalking him? This was all too much. Suddenly, he turned around and started sprinting, leaving Ashe’s jacket behind on the ground, covered in blood. That wasn’t the top of Felix’s list though. The top of his list was trying not to die.

_ Run! Run as fast as you can!  _

Before he knew it, he was out of sight from the two. Did they give up? That wasn’t right. They were probably giving themselves a better chance to kill him, a better opportunity. He was never safe. When he knew he was safe, he stopped running, stumbling to a stop. He had no clue where he was, but he knew one thing. There was a trail of blood behind him, his own blood. He was getting woozy, feeling incredibly sick. He needed to head back to Hilda’s, he had no clue what time it even was. Hobbling back in the direction he came, he just hoped and prayed they had given up on following him. 

After what felt like hours, he saw Ashe’s car in the distance. He was close, leaning against Ashe’s car, he needed to take a breather. He slowly slid down the side of the car, his bloodied hand dragging all the way down. He tried to stand, but he didn’t have the energy anymore. Blood stained the car, blood dripped down his face, his nose worse than before, and finally he sat on the ground. Everything is fading around him. He wasn’t sober, far from it. He began to forget some things, one of them being crucial. 

Who had attacked him again? All he could remember were both their piercing eyes, their horrible glares. But who did those eyes belong to? He couldn’t remember. They belonged to his stalker, well, stalkers. But, who were his stalkers again? He couldn’t place a finger on it. Everything about the fight just then was hazy. He remembered the beat down, the choking, the feeling of being unable to breathe, all of that was so vivid. But he couldn’t remember who had done this to them. All he knew for certain was one thing. His stalker was his brother’s murderer, and they were going to pay. 

With that, he was out cold. Covered in blood, a bruise around his neck, and Ashe’s car stained with blood as well. The whole scene was quite graphic, hopefully, someone would find him, he needed someone. 

He felt so alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mr.felix? mr.felix? oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead.
> 
> but rlly he isn't head lmao


	9. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since the last chapter was a mouth full, this one is going to be a short Ashe POV to see his side of the party. it's a fun time :)

“Ashe! Felix ran off and I’m not too sure where he went, you should go after him.” Claude had run up to Ashe, who was currently rubbing circles on Hilda’s back as she continued to puke up everything she had drank. It was gross. Ashe was glad that he didn’t drink that much, knowing when to call it quits. He had many bad habits, but drinking and drugs were not one of them. Instead, his bad habits were much more, internal, and life-threatening. 

“What happened!? Why did Felix run off?”

“We got into a fight, he looked… scary. I told him to calm down, and some sort of sadness flashed into his eyes until he grabbed the bottle and ran into the crowd.”

His eyes widen at Claude’s words, turning towards the taller with panic wiping over his face. He wasn’t sure what to do, go after Felix to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid, or to stay here and make sure Hilda was okay. Looking back and forth, options, outcomes, disasters, swarmed his mind. He wasn’t sure what to do until he felt a hand on his shoulder, comforting. Looking at who had put their hand on him, he saw Dorothea smiling at him softly. 

“I can take care of Hilda from here, go after Felix…” She hesitated, before looking back at Hilda, muttering. “In all honesty, I should’ve stopped him a while ago. Felix… he’s not good with alcohol. He did some bad things because of it in high school, and well… if Sylvain found out that he was here, and that he drank, he’d kill us both.” Dorothea’s voice wavered before she began to rub circles on Hilda’s back in Ashe’s stead. Ashe nodded at Dorothea, thanked Claude for telling him before he bolted into the crowd.

It was hard to gain any direction whatsoever in this crowd of sweaty, drunk, young adults. Ashe wasn’t that drunk, a bit tipsy at best, but even he had trouble standing because of all the bodies bashing against him. He pushed through the crowd, being small did have some advantages. He had no clue where Felix was, but if he were Felix, he would want some fresh air. So he made his way to the porch, and to his surprise, he was right. Felix sitting on the white painted steps, some of it slightly chipping. Felix’s body swayed back and forth slightly, must be from the alcohol. He was bent over, but he brought the bottle to his mouth for another sip. How Felix could just down the booze without any sort of burning surprised him, it hurt Ashe’s throat so much. 

Putting his hand on Felix’s shoulder to alert him of his presence, Ashe was greeted by a goofy smile. Wow, Felix had never smiled like this. It must be the alcohol, causing him to finally lower his walls and guards. Maybe this was an opportunity to get to know Felix a bit better now. Sitting beside the other, Felix wastes no time to lean on Ashe, which causes his brows to raise and flush to spread across his face. 

Ashe looked down at Felix, focusing on his features. His pink dusted cheeks from the brisk air and the alcohol mix, his purple-hair that was once tied into a braid, now messy. The few strands of hair that frames his face. His eye was still black, but the swelling seemed to calm down extremely since last time. The bruising on Felix’s nose that was poorly covered by a bandaid. Despite looking like he just got out of a car wreck, he looked good. But guilt settled in Ashe’s stomach, it was his fault Felix was hurt.

“The area is spinning, and I keep seeing people I don’t like.” This caused Ashe’s lips to part to speak for a second, about to ask who he saw that he didn’t like, but he held his tongue. When their eyes locked, Ashe’s face became a darker shade of red. He was about to hide his embarrassment when he saw Felix grab the bottle once more, which caused Ashe to reach forward and grab it out of his hands. 

“Oh, are you going to drink more? Fun…” Felix had cooed at him, which made Ashe sigh. Right. Felix was drunk, of course, he wasn’t going to think straight right now, there’s no way Ashe could make any sort of real connection. And that hurt deeper than anything else, but he buried it deep down with the rest of his problems.

“No, I’m not going to drink anymore. I’m just making sure you stop too. Claude told me to find you and said I should take care of you. And that’s what I’m doing.”

When the other responded with a ‘boooo’ Ashe couldn’t help but suppress his laughter, finding it quite hilarious that the solemn, quiet, lone wolf known as Felix was being so childish. Of course, this wasn’t his real personality. People say that alcohol brings out people’s true intentions, true feelings, drunk words are sober thoughts, but Ashe didn’t find that necessarily true. It didn’t help spill out feelings, it gives you the confidence to say the stuff you’d normally hold your tongue about. Liquid courage as they say. 

“You’re so sweet, you know that? Since I first met you, you’ve been nothing but kind even though, I’ve been so mean. I’ve given you multiple opportunities to hate me. But you haven’t. Keep this up and I’m going to fall in love with you.” Before Ashe had time to react, Felix shot up and was suddenly throwing up in the bush beside him. Reaching forward, he rubbed circles on Felix’s back, trying to soothe him as all of his courage came spilling out of his mouth. When Felix finally gained his composure once more, he wiped his mouth, and Ashe finally had a chance to process everything. His face was tinted red from the confession, he should know deep down it wasn’t true, right? 

“Fall in love with me? Don’t you and Sylvain have some sort of thing going on? You’re so close after all.” Ashe needed to deflect the confession in any way possible, and maybe at the same time gain some information about his relationship with Sylvain. After all, Ashe has caught Sylvain glaring at Ashe multiple times in the past few days, even when Felix was in his isolation, Sylvain would purposely push into Ashe. It felt awful, but he didn’t say anything, he didn’t want to hurt Felix. 

“We’re not together. And if we were, I would’ve broken up with him by now. We got into a fight.” Felix then proceeded to tell him about the fight, which caused Ashe’s face to shift into a somewhat angry face. He knew Felix was keeping stuff from him still, his story is a bit fishy. But he knew that Felix wasn’t lying. Why would Sylvain do that to him? Lie to his face, try to kiss him, only to kiss another girl the next day? It was sickening to think about. But Felix was hiding something, maybe he wasn’t as innocent as he seemed. But then something clicked in his hands, holding his finger up like he just came up with some sort of amazing realization. 

“Oh, I see. You know, you two somewhat remind me of brothers. Insanely close, but you fight time to time. I’m sure you guys will make up soon. That’s what brothers do.” He thought it was a genius comparison, but then something happened that he never thought would. 

“N-No … No no no no no no no!” Felix began to freak out, covering his ears with his hand, he looked like he was about to break down and cry. Ashe’s face filled with worry as if a wave of guilt had run over him. He wasn’t sure what he said that was so wrong, but clearly, Felix was hurt by it. 

“Hey, what’s wrong? Felix calm down-”

“SHUT UP!” Felix stood up, wobbly, swatting away the hand that reached for him to calm him down. Ashe was hurt, taken aback from being yelled at. For being smacked away. Then he remembered his childhood, closing his eyes for a moment. He should be used to that treatment by now. 

“You don’t know a goddamn thing! How could you say that Sylvain is my brother! H-How…” Felix was backing away, which caused Ashe to stand. Once again he reached forward in hopes of being able to comfort the other, tell him it was going to be okay, that everything would be fine. But he couldn’t, he was so pathetic. 

“Felix, calm down.”

“You’re an idiot!” And with that, Felix had turned around and started to sprint away, Ashe calling out after him. He would run after him, but he was frozen in place. Frozen by guilt, by shame, by the hatred the other felt for him. He ruined a perfect thing, a perfect friendship, and he wasn’t even sure how he ruined it, but he did. After a few moments of standing on the porch, tears in his eyes, mouth agape. Then reality hit. Felix had gone running off into the night, alone, scared, drunk. Oh no. This was all his fault. 

Running inside, he pushed his way through the crowd to end up back in the kitchen, where Claude, Hilda and Dorothea still remained. Hilda was drinking a glass of water, Dorothea patting her back and Claude just staring into space. Ashe quickly reached for Claude’s arm, looking up at him desperately. Tears filled his eyes, a few spilling from them. 

“C-Claude. We have to go find him, he’s gone. He left. Please.” Ashe was pulling Claude through the crowd until Claude stopped in his tracks. Grabbing Ashe by his shoulders, he quickly turned him around so they were eye to eye. 

“Hey calm down. What happened?” That prompted Ashe to replay the whole incident, which made Hilda spit out her water, and Dorothea looks away in shame. Ashe was even more confused than before, and Claude shared the same confusion as they looked at the two girls. Hilda sipped her water again, before taking a shaky step towards Ashe. Her next words were blunt and sent a knife through his heart.

“Ashe. Felix’s brother is dead.”

Everything made sense now. Everything seemed so clear, Ashe’s mouth opens slightly in shock. How could Felix not tell him? Well, they’ve only known each other for a week, but it felt like a lifetime. He was so confused, he was scared, most of all, he felt immense guilt pile onto his shoulders. He was a monster, now it was clear. Looking around the room, the air seemed thin. He had to go apologize to Felix, right now!

“I-I… I didn’t know. I have to find him. I need to apologize.” Ashe was about to run off when Dorothea stopped him, pulling him into a comforting hug. Holding him in place, she ran her hand through his hair. She was so comforting, like a mother. He didn’t know what that felt like, he never had a mother. Well one who loved him that is. She soothed him, Ashe couldn’t help but calm down a little. While still in the hug, she whispered to him, keeping him calm and collected. 

“Felix probably wants to be left alone right now, that’s why he ran off. Give him time to clear his head, I’m sure he’ll be back tomorrow morning, he can’t go that far. When he’s back, you two can talk it out. It’ll be okay…” She was so nice, Ashe wrapping his arms around Dorothea and trying to suppress his tears. He was so sick of crying. 

But minutes turned to hours, and hours passed and still no sign of Felix. Before he knew what hit him, he was asleep in Hilda’s living room, Claude, Dorothea and Hilda all sleeping there as well. 

Sun peaked in through the window, the curtains not doing the best job of hiding it. Groaning, Ashe covered his eyes with his hands, turning over on the couch. About to fall asleep again, when he suddenly shot up, sitting on the couch with a pounding headache. But that’s not why he shot up, instead with a shout that would wake up the other three in the room. “Felix!”

Ashe quickly shot up like a bullet, ignoring any hangover feelings he had inside. He was busy focusing on the missing boy. “Guys! He didn’t come back. We have to go look for him, please.” Ashe was pleading, shaking all of them awake. Panic ran over his body again, he just knew something bad had happened to Felix, he could feel it in his bones.

As the three stood with groans, they all yawned, almost in unison, it was amazing. Claude put his hand on Ashe’s head, ruffling his hair. “I’m sure Felix is fine buddy, but if it really makes you feel better we two can go searching while the girls get themselves together,” Claude smirked at Hilda and Dorothea, knowing teasing them like that would make them angry, and they would force themselves to come along. And he was right. 

“Hey! We’re just as hungover as you, you may be more hungover at this point. So we’ll help.” Hilda snapped before the two girls jumped to their feet, and with that, they all left the house, Ashe leading the charge. The four of them decided to look in a group, instead of splitting up. 

It wasn’t long until Ashe saw his car in the distance, seeing a body slumped against it, unmoving. Oh no. Please no. Please don’t let it be who he thinks it is. “Oh no…” Was all Ashe muttered before sprinting to his car, the three following behind in confusion. Then the sight came into full view, causing Ashe to stop in his tracks, eyes widening. He felt sick. He went pale, hands shaking and tears filling his eyes. When the other three caught up, they all remained silent. The scene was gruesome, the scene would be stuck in Ashe’s head forever. 

Felix, unmoving, slumped against the car. Blood stained the car, smeared but his hand clearly. Felix sitting in a puddle of his own blood, having it drip from his head, from his mouth, from his nose. His face was bruised, was cut, his lip was busted. But what he noticed next would stay in his mind forever. Felix’s neck, completely bruised around it, clear hand marks.   
Ashe remained still as the other three began to freak out. Everything was turning into white noise, everyone was silenced as his eyes were locked on Felix’s body. Tears filled his eyes. This was his fault. The three rushed around Felix, Ashe was still unmoving, his breathing picking up the pace. He got hurt, because of Ashe… and suddenly, Ashe dropped to his knees. He could barely hear what the others were saying, ringing filling his head. He looked to the side, there were bloodied footprints, Felix’s prints. So this wasn’t where he was jumped.

“He’s still breathing.” Claude had picked up Felix bridal style, Ashe was still unmoving. 

“Bring him to my house.” Hilda was choking back her tears, but there was someone else who remained silent. Ashe looked up to see Dorothea, tears streaming down her face, her hands covering her mouth. 

“This is all my fault. I told you to wait, we should’ve searched for him. I’m so stupid.” Ashe stood up, pulling her into a hug. He knew that she was feeling guilty, but really, it was all his fault. He was the one who made Felix run away, and he had a feeling of who did this to Felix as well. As the two of them caught up with Claude and Hilda, who were already running into the house, they stayed silent. 

Claude put Felix on the couch, the blood most likely going to stain it. The three of them got to work cleaning him up, wiping off the dried blood, putting ice on the bruises, putting a bandaid on the open cut on his forehead. Ashe needed to find out who did this, if his suspicions were correct, to do that, he had to follow the blood trail. Quickly running out of the house once more, he made his way back to the scene, the blood almost making him hurl. Luckily his car was black, so he could wipe it off and no one would really see any remaining red stains. Following the trail of blood, he was led down the block, but the trail took a sudden turn, and down the street, he saw a jacket. His jacket. Ashe had completely forgotten about giving Felix his jacket, and when he found it, it made him sick. There was blood pooled in it, it was gross. Picking it up, he looked all over the crime scene, trying to find some form of evidence. There was none. Except, one strand of red hair. So it wasn’t Hubert who did this…

Running back to the house, he opened the door to see the three still freaking out. Hilda was comforting Dorothea, who was still a mess of sobs because of guilt. And Claude was sitting beside Felix’s head, putting a warm towel on it to keep him from getting sick. This was horrible. Suddenly, a groan and a muttered, annoyed voice.

“What happened? Where am I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe he still dead. those were felix's last words uwu


	10. Rules In Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow another short chapter :0, the next few chapters are going to be short like i said before. this is just because i'm gearing up for a long chapter again, and i'm just building some scenes and shit.

Feeling groggy, sick, headache, it hurt to even open his eyes. Light peaked in through his eyes, bloodshot eyes. Opening them slowly, he realized he was no longer outside. He was on a soft surface, a couch maybe? Something was on his head, it was warm and a bit wet, soaking onto his forehead. It hurt to breathe, right … his throat. Looking up slightly, he saw eyes meet with his, green like Ashe’s, but they were much duller. It was Claude, who suddenly had a huge smile on his face, annoying. 

“What happened? Where am I?” Groaning, he tried to sit up, not hearing three pairs of footsteps rushing towards him. He could barely sit up, it hurt so much to move. Sitting up, he felt a pair of hands on his back helping him up, it was Claude. Looking back at him, his vision was blurred slightly but he could see the concern on his face. 

Looking around the room, he noticed it was a mess. But more than anything else, he noticed the blood on the couch beneath him. What had happened? Right, he was beaten up last night. He couldn’t remember much, he could barely remember who did this to him. He remembered their piercing black and red eyes, that was it. Covering his mouth, he remembered something crucial, which almost caused him to hurl. He had two stalkers, and worse than that, one of his stalkers killed his brother. Curling over in disgust, he began to gag, but nothing came out. Touching his lips, he felt a warm liquid. So his mouth was bleeding? He felt a hand run circles on his back, it felt familiar, sitting on the other side of him was Ashe, which made his dull eyes fill up with joy for a moment. But then he remembered what he said to Ashe, and what Ashe had said to him. 

“Ashe, I-”

“Don’t say anything. I was in the wrong, I should’ve known better.” Where was this coming from, eyes darting to see Hilda and Dorothea also looking at Felix in concern. Did he really look that bad? Looking at his hands while sitting up, he noticed how they were bruised and bloodied. Touching his face, he could feel a bandaid on his forehead, feeling around there was a new bandaid on his nose, oh shit, it was probably so much worse than before. 

“What do you mean? You don’t know…” Felix hesitated, before glancing at Ashe. There was pure guilt in his eyes, causing Felix’s mouth part to speak, but nothing came out. He knew the truth. 

“Hilda told me.” Felix felt like the walls were closing in on him, Felix’s eyes darting onto Hilda, who looked just as guilty, then to Dorothea, who still had tears in her eyes. Then he stared at Claude, who still had a hand on Felix’s shoulder. He felt water dripping down his forehead, probably from the wet cloth from before. Wiping his forehead, he looked around the room with more patience than before. 

“Sorry Felix, I know it wasn’t my place to tell…” Hilda took a step forward, which caused Felix to hold a hand up, indicating her to stop in her tracks. Shaking his head, he looked back at Hilda with a small smile. 

“It’s fine.” 

“Enough about that, what the hell happened to you?” That sounded familiar, Sylvain had said the same thing when Felix got home from that day with Ashe. The first time he felt whole in such a long time. Shaking his head at the thought, he looked at Claude, who had asked him the question in the first place. Felix took a moment to think, trying to recall the event himself. 

“I don’t remember everything. I remember getting into the argument with Ashe, running away, I threw up in a bush.” This earned a small laugh from himself, finding himself somewhat funny from that comment, clearly, no one else felt the same way, all their faces showing worry. “I think I got attacked, and well, that’s how this happened.” Felix gestured to himself as if showing off his injuries as if they were some sort of prize.

“Who did this to you?” Ashe asked calmly, but a hint of anger was hidden in his voice. Looking at Ashe, his brows furrowed, his lips pressed into a thin line, tears welling in his eyes. It hurt to see Ashe like this, but Felix couldn’t change it. He wanted to say it was his stalkers, whoever they were, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t even bring the nerve to say how the stalkers killed his brother. Now he knew, if he told anyone else, the stalkers would kill them too. He had to protect them, even if it meant his own body being destroyed, that’s what being a detective was all about. Doing what’s right. 

“I don’t remember. I can only remember their eyes, they were piercing, as if they could see right through me.” Felix shivered at the thought, which made the two girls walk over to him, also putting their hands on Felix’s shoulders. It felt comforting to say the least, knowing he wasn’t alone despite how much he was tried to convince otherwise. He sighed, brushing off their hands from his body, he couldn’t let anyone get close anymore, especially since they were going to be put into danger. Luckily, they respected Felix pushing them off, probably assuming he needed space. When really, all he needed was a hug. 

“Are you sure you can’t remember anything else?”

“No!” Felix suddenly stood, fists clenching. He couldn’t stand to be integrated anymore. Looking at all their confused faces, Felix let out a sigh, allowing his normal blank expression to come back. Clearly, all alcohol had exited his system. 

The ride back to the dorms was silent with Ashe, the main reason being of Felix’s pounding headache. He really didn’t feel like talking to anyone, mainly because he didn’t want to get into more detail about what happened to him. At Hilda’s house they had all helped clean him up a bit more, the only bad injuries being to his nose, a bruise on his jaw and the cut on his head, which probably required stitches. But he wouldn’t bother, it’ll heal on its own time, right? 

Thanking Ashe for the ride, an awkward silence ran over them. The stalker was right, Felix had ruined any chance of having any of the two boys he wanted in his life, they didn’t even want to be his friend at this point. Bidding Ashe a goodbye, they walked their separate ways, Felix making his way back to his dorm, well actually, Bernadetta’s dorm. Opening the door quietly, he saw the young girl hunched over in the same position he left her in, causing a brow to raise. 

“I’m back, did you not move since I left last night.” A slight tease, walking up to her side to see her quickly cover her work in embarrassment. Stuttering over her words, she looked up at Felix, stammering until she saw his face. 

“N-No I moved- whoa. What happened? Y-You look worse than when you left.” Felix decided to not get too angry about that comment, knowing she was quite sensitive to yelling and aggression. Instead, he took a step back, looking away from her. 

“Yeah, it turns out going to the party wasn’t the best idea. Just, don’t mention it to Sylvain okay?” Felix seemed a bit nervous, which only caused the girl to nod in response, a small laugh escaping her lips. 

“Not like I leave the dorm anyways.”

“That’s true, hermit.” He laughed, before flopping onto his bed. Just the impact caused his body to ache, his head spinning. The hangover was hitting just as hard as his injuries, his head was pounding, and every little sound caused his irritation to grow. He refused to interact with anyone for the rest of the day, just lying in his bed and quickly falling asleep. He needed to rest, he needed to calm down from this hectic day, hectic week. He hated this. He needed to pretend that everything was normal. 

Unsure how long he was asleep, but he heard a loud knock on the door, waking him up with a groan. No loud noises, it hurt too much. Sitting up with a slight pain in his neck, he remembered the bruise there. Some may say it just looked like a hickey, which was just as worse in his opinion, but really if you looked hard enough you can see the handprint. He was about to lay back down, glancing at Bernadetta who had her headphones on. But yet another painfully loud knock, causing him to wince at just the sound. Standing up, he was about to aimlessly open the door, before he heard the voice on the other side of the door. 

“Felix, open up! It’s Sylvain.”  _ Oh shit. _

Felix couldn’t let Sylvain see any of his new injuries, so he quickly got changed into a turtleneck, luckily having a few that he could wear until the bruise died down. Letting his hair down, he let his bangs cover the bandage on his forehead, trying to give himself the messy, ‘I just woke up’, type of look. The barrage of knocking had yet to cease until Felix finally opened the door with a blank expression. 

“What?” 

His voice was hoarse, sounding annoyed from the other’s presence. He really wasn’t, he was so glad to see Sylvain, more than he could ever know. But, he couldn’t let Sylvain think anything has changed, because then he’d get suspicious. Scowling, he crossed his arms, resting his weight on one leg to look even sassier. 

“I just wanted to come to check in on you. I came by last night and no one answered. I assumed you fell asleep early, and that Bernadetta, well… I’m not surprised she didn’t answer the door.” Sylvain laughed slightly, clear tension between them. Felix wanted nothing more than to hug Sylvain, apologize for being such an idiot, apologize for lying, for keeping up the lies, and for being so selfish, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t work up the nerve for another argument. He was just so tired. 

“So…” 

“If all you did was come to check in on me, you can leave now. Clearly, I’m fine.” 

“I want you to come back to the dorm, our dorm. I’m sorry for betraying your trust, but it’s so lonely without you. Please, come back!” Sylvain had pleaded, grabbing Felix’s hands, which made him wince at the pain, but he tried to hide it. Felix was about to respond, when Sylvain looked down at Felix’s hands, causing Felix to freeze. Sylvain wasn’t the most observant, but he wasn’t stupid. 

“Were your hands always bruised like this?” He tilted his head, narrowing his eyes, which caused a sudden surge of panic in Felix. Oh no. Felix suddenly pulled his hands away, shoving them into his pockets as fast as possible. This caused Sylvain to raise an eyebrow, about to say something before Felix promptly interrupted him. 

“If I come back we need to set a few rules.”

A sudden bright smile on the taller’s face, clearly forgetting right away about the bruises on Felix’s hand. Felix thanked god Sylvain didn’t press on with any more questions, especially since it’d be hard to lie with such a bad hangover already. 

“Does that mean you’ll come back!?” Sylvain cheered, before taking a step closer to Felix, which caused him to step back. His heart hurt for a moment, feeling it ache for Sylvain. He wanted Sylvain more than anything, wanted to hold him, but he couldn’t. Not anymore. 

“Yes, but I’m telling you the rules now. If you can’t agree to that, I will never come back. One, you won’t keep me away from Ashe, he’s my friend and I like hanging out with him. And two, this being a given, you cannot, ever again, try to kiss me or pull anything with me. You have a girlfriend now, and anything I felt for you is gone. That was a spur of the moment thing, and nothing like that will ever happen again. Got it?” Felix had a certain glare in his eyes showing he was serious, part of the rules was to remind himself as well. He’s moved on from Sylvain, and now he just wanted his best friend back. 

“That’s easy to agree too, I’m glad you’re back, buddy!” Sylvain went in for a hug, which caused Felix to jump back and stick out his hand, holding the other back. Looking away from the taller, guilt settled in his stomach. 

“No more hugs either, at least, not for now.”

\- 

After packing up the clothes he had taken with him to Bernadetta’s, he explained the situation to her, telling her that he was moving back into the dorms. It was easier to room with Sylvain for one thing, not having to change in the bathroom, and it also just made more sense to move in. She tilted her head at the other’s explanation, her face filling with suspicion. 

“Don’t you think it’s a little too soon for you to be moving back in? People don’t get over feelings that quickly…” She did make a good point, but Felix only shrugged it off. He knew that he had moved on, it was just a matter of showing it now. 

“It’ll be fine. And aren’t you glad you get this space all to yourself again.” To that, she only smiled in relief. As close of friends they are, he knew more than anyone Bernadetta much rather have a whole dorm to herself, that’s why she specifically requested it. With a goodbye, he shut the door, hearing a sigh of relief from the smaller as the door clicked shut. She would always be one of his closest friends, Marianne and Bernadetta being like his little sisters. 

Walking into his dorm felt like walking into his old childhood house, not much had changed, but he felt so welcome. Luckily, Sylvain hadn’t touched any of his stuff in the bathroom nor on his bed, it was nice to see the older had respected his space. Sitting on his bed, he nicely folded his clothes, putting it back into his drawers neatly. He was sort of a neat freak, or at least that’s what Sylvain called him, but there was nothing wrong with things being perfect. 

Sylvain was sitting on his bed, looking at Felix with some sort of weird look in his eyes. It caused Felix to raise a brow, crossing his arms and refusing to meet eye contact. He couldn’t help but feel the awkward tension still linger between them, and Felix had a question that was lingering on his tongue for quite a while. A question that would either break or destroy him. 

_ ‘Do you really think it’s my fault Glenn is dead?’ _

He couldn’t bring himself to ask, knowing the answer would be yes. So when he parted his mouth to speak, he just came off as defensive and rude. 

“What? Why are you staring?” He scowled at the other, which only caused Sylvain to laugh slightly, before breaking eye contact. 

“Sorry, I’m just thinking.” He was being quiet, he was only quiet when he was confused or sad, he assumed it was the latter. Felix threw his legs over the bed, causing his body to ache, but he wouldn’t show. 

“About what?”

Sylvain hesitated, parting his lips to speak before he bit his tongue. What was he hiding? Sylvain lectured Felix about lying but he was doing the same? How hypocritical. But Felix wouldn’t question it, he was sick of arguing. He just wanted things to go back to normal. Finally, Sylvain spoke, but his answer only caused Felix’s heart to hurt. Get over him. He was taken now. They made a rule about this, Felix couldn’t break it. For his sake and Sylvain’s, he couldn’t break any rules, and he couldn’t get too close. 

“I’m thinking about where to take Constance on our next date, she wants to go to this fancy Italian restaurant but I’m sort of broke.” Sylvain laughed, before looking at his phone, probably texting her. Why her of all people? If he had to date a bitchy cheerleader could it not have been Happi? Happi was at least chill. At least it wasn’t Monica. The idea of Monica made Felix feel sick, why though? The last time he saw her was at the party when she waved to him, but that was it. So why did he feel so sick from remembering her name?

Snapping back into the conversation, Felix sighed. If he couldn’t be with Sylvain as a boyfriend, be there for him as a best friend. Help him out. Even if it kills him inside. 

“Just take her to the fancy restaurant. Not that I care that much, but if you like her then treat her with respect.” Felix’s advice wasn’t that bad, but Sylvain’s next few words made him want to hurl. 

“I think I love her.”

_ Don’t throw up. Not like you have anything left to throw up anyways _

Felix’s stomach dropped, his heart picking up the pace. So soon? They've been dating for four days. This was too much. Bernadetta was right, it was way too soon. Calm down. Don’t let it show, look away so he doesn’t see your sickness. 

“Wow, that soon? Desperate are we?” Felix teased, feeling like he was going to cry. He didn’t cry though. He didn’t cry when Sylvain first betrayed him, he didn’t cry when he was attacked, he didn’t need to cry now. Sylvain laughed at Felix’s tease, before turning away from Felix himself. 

“I don’t know, not really. She’s just different, you know? She has layers besides appearing to be mean, somewhat like you.”  _ THEN JUST DATE ME!  _ Felix felt like screaming, Sylvain’s idiocy sometimes amazed him. But Felix didn’t say anything, besides just scoffing at the other.

“How dare you compare me to her.” Was all he said, before mindlessly scrolling on his phone. He flopped back onto his bed, feeling ultimate comfort. Looking at his phone, he realized that Halloween was in less than a month, he knew that Sylvain would force him to dress up, which caused him ultimate anger. 

He needed to get rid of his horrible headache, still feeling gross from the days before. Turning onto his side, he told Sylvain he was taking a nap and not to wake him even if it was an emergency. He fell asleep quite fast, luckily Sylvain kept his big mouth shut so Felix could sleep in peace for once. He needed school to be calmer, at least until Halloween. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooo halloween will be fun, even tho felix doesn't like halloween :/


	11. Content

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is by far going to be the shortest chapter. not even 2000 words, but the next has a lot of shit happen so

Halloween was a week away, and everyone in his friend group would not shut up about it. ‘What am I going to wear?’ ‘Do you guys want to match costumes?’ it was annoying to hear everyone scramble over a holiday made up for capitalism. It was just an excuse to drink and do stupid shit, not like he needed an excuse for that. It hadn’t been long since he was attacked, he had been wearing turtlenecks every day since then to cover the bruise on his neck. Luckily, Sylvain wasn’t bright enough to question it beyond pointing out how he was wearing turtlenecks, where his excuse was ‘it’s cold out.’ and it was left like that. 

Felix was actually content for once, not extremely happy, nor extremely sad. He was a bit panicked 24/7, being followed by more than one stalker now. He felt their eyes on the back of his neck, but he tried to act normal around his friends. He didn’t want them to worry, or to question how skittish he was. He was used to lying at this point, mainly focusing his energy on other things. Like friends, school, and most importantly, being forced to be partners with the boar. It was annoying to deal with his overwhelming optimism, knowing that deep down that Dimitri was much worse than he appeared to be. 

He was content with his new routine. He would get up, leave for class, sit for an hour listening to Dimitri to drone on about some sort of dumb thing, meet up with Ashe for lunch, then the two would meet Sylvain and Caspar at the football field. Sylvain and Felix would walk back to the dorm together, sometimes Constance would tag along. 

At first, it was more than awkward, Felix hated Constance. But he quickly grew to be indifferent about her presence, she wasn’t the worst girl Sylvain has dated. She was mean, but at least she didn’t pretend to be nice when she wasn’t, she wasn’t fake. She was full of herself, vindictive, and a liar, and he could appreciate her. He appreciated that she was honest, even honest with Felix. He knew that she had underlying layers, he could grow to understand that and respect it. Plus, she was funny, and she liked hanging out in the shade with Felix. It was weird, she was more confident in the shade than in the sun. Sometimes, she would hang out with Felix and Ashe during lunchtime if she didn’t have cheer practice, Felix had even asked her why one time, where she said that sometimes she didn’t like hanging out around Monica. 

Monica. So even one of her best friends thought she was suspicious, it was weird. Every time he thought of Monica, he felt so sick, and his bones ached from it. Luckily, his injuries from being attacked were mainly healed, his nose was getting better, his black eye and bruises on his face were gone, and the cut on his forehead was slowly fixing itself (it may have gone faster if he actually decided to go to the hospital, but he was too stubborn.) Constance knew about what happened to Felix, Dorothea accidentally telling her after realizing she shouldn’t. Felix had told Constance to keep her mouth shut, which she reluctantly agreed too, claiming it’d feel weird lying to her boyfriend. She was more genuine than she appeared, Felix really judged a book by its cover. She was still a bitch, the biggest asshole he knew besides himself, but at least she had morals, and at least she didn’t lie about it. 

The last thing that happened during the month between the party and Halloween was how much more Ashe and Felix were talking and texting, getting closer than ever. Felix finally had gotten over Sylvain, and he finally sorted out his feelings for Ashe being nothing more than a sudden rush of passion and that’s it, so he could finally just enjoy his friend's presence, doing so by looking like he didn’t want to be there. Felix had fallen into his normal habits of being rude and blunt, but he was less selfish than before, at least on the inside. 

Everything was okay, he wanted it to stay this way. 

Sitting on his bed, he noticed Sylvain crossing his legs on his own bed, smiling at his texts. He was probably texting Constance, not that he cared anymore. He was no longer jealous, and that weird almost kiss was a thing of the past. Focusing back onto his laptop that rested on his lap, he placed his earbuds in his ears, blasting his music while working on his half of the group project that he and Dimitri were assigned. They were doing a research paper about a criminal of their choice, and the paper had to be 30 pages long, which seemed excessive, but a lot of it had to be filled with nonsense like trial minutes, verdict, jury information, etc. As Felix typed away, he didn’t hear Sylvain suddenly stand, before closing Felix’s laptop quite fast, almost crushing his fingers in the process. 

“What the fuck is your problem!?” Felix snapped, taking out his earbuds with a glare. Sylvain had a big goofy grin, which caused a brow to raise with anger boiling up inside of him like a volcano about to erupt. 

“You think this is funny!? Distracting me from my work?” Felix raised his voice before Sylvain promptly placed his finger over Felix’s lips, which caused his brows to raise more than before. Confusion wafted over him, was he really being told to shush. He was tempted to bite Sylvain’s finger, but he held himself back. 

“Shh. I have some news for you. Constance is throwing a Halloween get together. It’s like a party but with only close friends, but there will be alcohol…” Sylvain hesitated, pulling his finger away with a sigh. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Felix couldn’t help but remember Sylvain lying to him about Hilda’s party, but to be fair, he was keeping a big lie from Sylvain as well. Maybe they were truly even? But is that what their friendship is now based on? Being even? It sounded sad. 

“Because I was wondering if you wanted to come? I know that there’s going to be alcohol, but I figured with me there, I can keep you from doing anything stupid. You know, so I can protect you?”

This caused Felix to narrow his eyes, Sylvain glancing away from him with a sort of look he couldn’t quite read. It was hard to know what the older was thinking, but Felix didn’t really feel like trying to understand, he much rather got back to work. Felix sighed, running a hand through his purple hair, quickly tying it up into a ponytail. Felix opened his laptop again, ignoring the other for a moment.

“Fine. I’ll come. Who’s going to be there?” He was more asking if Monica was going to be there, because if she was there, Felix was not. He wasn’t sure why, but just the idea of having fun with Monica around seemed impossible. 

“Uh... Constance, Me, Happi, Hilda, Marianne, Dorathea Hilda’s friend Claude-” Oh right, Felix was going to have to pretend he didn’t know Claude, mainly because Sylvain would get suspicious. Luckily he has Claude’s phone number, so he could tell Claude about pretending not to know each other. Actually, he was going to have to text some people to remind them to keep it a secret that Felix went to the party. He was digging himself into a hole. “-Linhardt, Caspar, Ashe of course-” He noticed that Sylvain’s face twisted into a small frown before he faked yet another smile. “-Mercedes, Annette, Ingrid, Dimitri, not Dedue though, he had to go back home for a bit, and hopefully you?” Sylvain looked back at Felix, raising a brow. That was quite a lot of people for just a small get together, the idea of having that many people come over made him a bit anxious that his secret would slip, but only 5 people knew of his secret, it would be fine. 

“How you convinced Linhardt and Marianne to come is beyond me, but fine, I’ll come.” Felix sighed, knowing deep down this would end only poorly. Sylvain’s face lightened up, suddenly lunging at Felix with a hug, causing Felix to yelp at his laptop being crushed. His work! Sylvain held him close, hugging him, which made Felix grab Sylvain by the head, pushing him away with force.   
“We agreed, no hugs.” Felix snapped, which caused Sylvain to whine. 

“C’mon! It’s been a month. It’s not the same without being able to hug you and you complaining while I do so but secretly liking it.” Sylvain laughed, which made Felix flush slightly.

“I hate your hugs!” Felix barked back, crossing his arms in a defense manner. Sylvain only laughed more, which made Felix frustrated. Pushing Sylvain off the bed, he landed on the ground with an ‘oof’, before Felix grinned. Grabbing his laptop, he went back to work, ignoring any more protest from the older, it was getting annoying at this point. 

-

A few days passed with the same routine, now sitting in the shade with Constance, Ashe having some experiment to do at lunchtime. It was a bit awkward, to say the least, Felix on his phone and Constance eating her food silently. She suddenly broke the silence, which caused Felix to groan in exasperated.

“So, Sylvain said you’re coming to my place on Halloween. You sure you can handle your booze this time?” She smirked, laughing slightly with a raised brow, but they didn’t look at each other. Felix scoffed at the other’s rude comment, she was truly trying to get a rise out of him, and it was working. 

“I’m sure I can, and if I do get into a fight there’s no harm in roughing you up a bit.” He bit back, causing her to snort at that, but his expression didn’t shift at all. 

“Sylvain wouldn’t be too pleased with that, would he?”

“I’m sure he’d get over you.” 

The two had weird energy, every time they talked it ended up in an argument, but it left Felix almost smiling each time. She was good to help him get all his pent out aggression. 

“But seriously, how long are you going to lie to Sylvain about the party?”

“Forever… if I can.” Felix admitted, his face holding a blank, serious expression. She sighed, before nodding and turning her head away to glance at the football field ahead, seeing all the jocks doing their drills. 

“I’ll keep your secret then, and I’m sure the others will too. I do think it’s for the best that Sylvain never finds out.” At least they could agree on one thing, they’d both protect Sylvain even if it meant themselves getting hurt in the process. That’s what it meant to love someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kinda fuck with constance and felix being friends now oop


	12. Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHHHHH BOY. i've been very excited for this chapter for quite a while now, and you can tell from how i'm writing it.

It was the day of Constance’s get together, late at night already, Sylvain and Felix were going to head over together if Sylvain ever finished putting on his costume. Felix never really dressed up for Halloween, but Constance said that you can’t enter without a costume, so he was forced against his will to wear one. But if he was being forced to wear something ridiculous, he would choose what to wear. So he dressed up as an assassin, going all out in the process. He looked a bit extra, to say the least, but he thought he looked pretty cool. He even had the sword, fake of course, but he was proud of it nonetheless.

Sylvain had decided to match costumes with Felix, being a lancer to match the medieval theme. Felix tried to protest the idea of matching costumes, but even Constance thought it would be a good idea to match. It made him a bit embarrassed to be seen in public, so he was glad when he found out they didn’t have to take public transit there, instead Sylvain saying he could drive the two. 

“Okay~! I’m ready! How do I look?” Sylvain burst out of the washroom, his hair was finally done. Where Sylvain spent 30 minutes on his hair, Felix spent about 30 seconds, tying it into a bun with stray hairs around him. He claimed assassins didn’t have time to do their hair, which was a lousy excuse, but an excuse nonetheless. Felix stared at Sylvain with a blank expression for a moment, before crossing his arms in a sassy stance. 

“You look like an idiot. We both do. Plus, why did you have to make me wear tight clothes under this bulky armour, it’s uncomfortable.” Felix complained, rolling his eyes at the other. Sylvain only laughed, before slinging an arm around Felix, which caused Felix to try to push him off. Keyword being try. 

“C’mon! Assassins wear tight clothes so stuff doesn’t get in the way, I just suggested the armour as well so you wouldn’t get embarrassed by your junk showing.” Sylvain giggled, dodging the punch Felix had just thrown out of embarrassment, anger filling his eyes. Though, Sylvain wasn’t wrong. If it was just the tight clothes, Felix would’ve died from embarrassment. He is confident in his body, but not that confident. Luckily, the armour wasn’t heavy and he could unclasp it if needed, leaving him in baggy pants in a tank top. Hopefully, he wouldn’t need to take off the armour. 

Quickly sprinting to Sylvain’s car, not wanting to be seen in public looking so stupid, he heard Sylvain call after him. Running like this reminded him of when he was running for his life, but this time he had swords with him, even if they were plastic. When Sylvain finally caught up, he unlocked the car, and Felix did not hesitate to jump in, only to be greeted with something he hated. Sylvain was many things, but organized and clean were not one of those. His car was a mess, Felix felt disgusted even sitting in it. Felix had offered to drive his car, but Sylvain said his would be better since there was more room just in case people wanted to drive somewhere. 

Opening the window to clear out some of the disgusting air in the car, Felix faked a gag, which resulted in Sylvain pouting. “It’s not that bad!” He had protested, which caused Felix to only glare back at him snapping in response. 

“Yes, it is!”

The rest of the car ride was filled with them talking about whatever, nothing really important until the two pulled up to Constance’s house. It was big, but not as big as Hilda’s house that’s for sure. What’s with all these girls being rich? After parking the car, Felix noticed they were most likely the last to arrive, maybe if Sylvain didn’t take forever to do his dumb hair. Walking to the front porch, Felix didn’t hesitate before pounding on the door with all his power, which caused the door to swing open seconds later. Felix’s assumed correctly, they were the last to arrive. 

“Look who decided to show up.” Hilda smiled, being the one who opened the door. Suddenly, Constance ran to the door, leaping up and hugging Sylvain close, which responded with him laughing and hugging her back. 

“You look amazing, Sylvain!”

“You do too, Constance.” He smiled wide, looking at her with love in his eyes. The way he may have once looked at him. She did look good, looking like a princess. The hair framing her face was curled, the rest straight, she wore a long flowing black dress, and a fan to go with it. She looked elegant, to say the least. 

As the two went inside, Hilda patted Felix on the back, whispering in his ear. “I’m sorry, that must hurt right?” Hilda sounded concerned, but really, her words stung more than the actions Sylvain and Constance just performed. 

“No, I’ve moved on.” Felix simply dismissed the other, before walking inside beside Hilda, getting a good look at everyone in the room. Everyone was in the room with their own assortments of costumes and colours, all looking quite nice. Without planning it, Marianne and Linhardt somewhat matched, Marianne being a witch and Linhardt being a wizard. Hilda was dressed as a medieval dancer, having a long flowy dress that was bright pink, it looked nice. She even had weird tassel things hanging from her shoulders down to her hands, making her look more elegant. Looking around more, he saw Ingrid and Dimitri talking, both coming as matching knights. How cute, if Felix didn’t know them he would assume they’re dating. Felix even decided to tease the young girl a bit, just for the hell of it. 

“Wow Ingrid, can’t believe someone as stuck up as you dressed up.” Felix laughed, causing Ingrid to pout in his direction. 

“Actually, I’m not as stuck up as you think.” She muttered, before shoving some fancy looking food into her mouth. He couldn’t help but remember Ingrid’s weird obsession with food, basically wanting to try everything and anything. Even stuck up, know-it-all’s like her, had their quirks. 

Sitting beside Ingrid by the window, he looked around the rest of the room, examining everyone’s costumes. Happi, a magician, Dorothea, an expensive-looking singer, Caspar, a warrior, Claude, a dragon tamer, Annette, a paladin, and lastly Mercedes as a priest. Everyone had their own unique costumes, but Felix couldn’t help but realize a theme. 

Glancing around the room a final time, he saw Ashe come walking into the room, laughing with Caspar. Their eyes met for a moment, and it felt as if time stopped once more, like every time their eyes met. Ashe looked amazing. He was dressed up as an archer from the north, having fur with his costume, and even a bow and arrow with him. Felix couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him, a bit of flush coming to his cheeks when he realized he was staring. Looking away, he fiddled with his sword, trying to seem uninterested in being here. Ashe walked up to Felix with a smile, and Ashe looked even more amazing up close. 

“Hey, Felix! I like your costume, giving me a mysterious sort of vibe.” He teased, touching the armour on Felix’s shoulders. Felix sighed for a moment, before looking away from Ashe, staring any longer and he wouldn’t be able to pry his eyes away. 

“Yeah. It’s okay I guess. Sylvain forced me to wear it. Also, this armour is really stuffy.” Felix complained like always, which caused Ashe to giggle. God his laughter was so adorable, Felix felt like melting right there. 

“Well if it does get stuffy, I’m sure it’s no problem to take some off.”

Was Ashe teasing him? Unlikely. 

“Yeah, well-”

“Hey guys, you want some drinks?” Sylvain had promptly interrupted them, walking up to them with his own red cup in hand. Felix gave Sylvain an odd look, why was he offering him a drink? Did Sylvain really trust him this much? Odd. Ashe nodded in response, eagerly too, that was just as odd as Sylvain trusting Felix. But he wasn’t going to question anything. 

“Yeah sure,” Felix replied bluntly, before standing himself. Ashe and Felix followed Sylvain to the kitchen, where Sylvain poured lemonade into two red cups about halfway, then the other half was pure vodka. Seemed a bit risky to give Felix this much, but there was no one here to fight, so there wasn’t much of a problem. He felt much more comfortable around his friends than he did around a bunch of strangers at a party. Ashe had thanked Sylvain, before being called into the living room by Caspar, who was already clearly tipsy. A lightweight indeed. 

Sylvain and Felix sat alone in the kitchen for a moment, Felix sipping his drink gingerly as he stared at the group of people talking and enjoying himself. Sylvain laughed quietly, looking at Felix before pointing to the room of people with his head.

“Aren’t ya’ going to go join em?” 

Felix shrugged, before beginning to walk towards the living room, Sylvain following behind, whispering something behind Felix before wandering off to talk with Constance and Hilda. 

“I’m going to cut you off if you drink too much, ‘kay?”

Felix sighed, looking at the liquid in his cup. He swirled it slightly, before making his way back to the windowsill, where he sat beside Linhardt and Marianne, once again the anti-social club, the people who weren’t the best at conversations. After about an hour of everyone talking, drinking, having fun, getting tipsy, Felix was already nursing his second full cup of the vodka, lemonade, mixture. It tasted a bit gross, but he didn’t care. He was a bit tipsy already, not even realizing he was leaning on Linhardt, and Marianne was leaning on him, he just took another sip.

“Guys! Let’s play truth or dare!” Happi suddenly shouted to get everyone’s attention in the room. Felix sat up slightly, stirring awake a half-asleep Linhardt in the process. Everyone began to sit in a circle, Sylvain beside Constance, Annette sitting in Mercedes lap, things like that, overly affectionate couples in the circle. They were all a bit tipsy by that point, even the heavyweights like Claude. They brought out a bottle, making Felix raise a brow. The three still sat on the windowsill, all uninterested in joining the group until Hilda had called over. 

“C’mon guys! Come play, it’ll be fun.” Marianne simply followed, she would probably do anything for Hilda. Sitting beside Hilda, the young blue-haired girl smiled slightly, clearly pushing herself out of her comfort zone. 

“Linhardt! Felix! Stop being party poopers!” Caspar whined, shooting up suddenly before grabbing Linhardt by the hands, dragging him into the circle without struggle from Linhardt. If worse came to worst he could just sleep in the circle after all. They were being picked off one by one, Felix knew he was next, but he was not so easy to budge. 

“Felix, are you really going to sit there all alone?” Claude had asked, raising a brow and smirking at the shorter.

“Yeah, I plan on doing just that.” 

“Oh, I get it! You’re a coward, scared you’re going to lose, huh?” Now that caused a vein to pop out of Felix’s head, the male simply standing and walking over to the circle, sitting down right beside Claude crossed legged. He only then realized he was overheating, so while Happi explained the rules, Felix began to unclasp some of his armour, leaving him in the tight tank top and baggy pants, but at this point, he was too tipsy to care. 

Felix somewhat listened to the rules, but they seemed simple. Someone starts off spinning the bottle, whoever it lands on has to either do a truth or dare, if they refuse, they are kicked out of the game. It seemed like a mundane game, even the stupidest could understand. Everyone was nursing their own concoctions of certain drinks, all involving alcohol. While no one was looking, Felix reached behind him, grabbing the bottle and pouring a bit more into his cup. Who cares right? No one would know. 

Sitting in a circle, Happi was the first to spin the bottle, and it landed on Dimitri. His face flushed slightly from the attention, Happi quickly smirking, knowing she could mess with him. “Dimitri, truth or dare?”

“Uh… truth?” He sounded unsure. 

“Have you ever had a sex dream about anyone in this room?” Well. That went from 0 to 100 real fast. Dimitri’s face flushed bright red, the blond covering his face out of pure embarrassment. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He couldn’t work up the nerve to even respond. 

“What a lewd question! I can’t answer that!” And with that, Dimitri was quickly out of the game. Happi came to win, Felix could respect that, but he wasn’t going to back down. The person beside Dimitri, Ingrid, spun the bottle, having it land on Annette, who sighed and sipped her drink nervously. 

“I chose dare! I’m not a coward!”

“Serenade the person to your right.” Ingrid smiled slightly, knowing that Annette was incredibly insecure about her voice. Turning to her right, it was none other than Felix himself, who was just grinning at the thought. She hated singing in front of him, he knew this first hand, so any chance he got to tease her made her happy. 

“Aw C’mon! Can’t I just Serenade Mercedes instead?”

“What’s wrong with me, Annette?” Felix teased, which caused her to point and snap back with ‘everything!’. After a bit of convincing, Annette serenaded Felix, though it was quite half-assed. The group let it slide, and continued on with the game. One by one everyone was picked off until only five remained. Happi, Claude, Sylvain, Ashe and Felix himself. At this point, Felix was already on his full third cup, being way past thinking straight. 

It was Claude’s turn to spin the bottle, Felix watching as it spun around and around. Felix had already done his fair share of truths and dares, so hopefully, it didn’t land on him again. Luckily, it landed on Happi instead, whose face twisted into a concerned look. So she knew as well Claude would do anything to win, even if that meant doing embarrassing stuff himself. 

“So Happi, truth or dare?” Claude had a wicked grin across his face, clearly scheming something. Happi thought for a moment, before shrugging her response. She was just as chill as Claude, if not more so. She looked like she was ready to do anything at this point. 

“Dare.”

“Show us your boobs.” The room fell silent, but Happi seemed unphased by the question. This certainly escalated quite fast. Suddenly, her shirt was lifted, causing Felix to cover his eyes in embarrassment. He was a gentleman, he wouldn’t stare at some girl’s boobs without at least knowing her for more than one day. Some people hollered, including Sylvain, who promptly got slapped on the back of the head after courtesy of Constance. When he knew her shirt was back down, he removed his hands, sipping his drink to hide his embarrassment. He was getting slightly dizzy, looking across from him, he could tell Ashe was too. This is the most Ashe had drank, part of Felix wanted to tell him to take it easy. 

Happi grabbed the bottle with a smirk, spinning it at top speed, it was amazing it didn’t fly across the room. Watching it go round and round, Felix prayed it wouldn’t land on him. But God did not answer his prayers this time. It landed right on Felix, causing him to grimace at it as if the bottle was real. Happi laughed in victory, oh so this is what she wanted. Part of Felix felt as if she cheated.

“Felix, truth or dare.”

Felix took a moment to think, unknowing of what she had in store for him. But a sudden nudge from Claude caused his brow to raise, and he smirked. 

“Don’t be a coward, choose dare.”

“Fine, dare.”

Happi’s next words caused him to freeze in place, almost dropping his half-filled cup of mainly vodka with a splash of lemonade and some other liquid, maybe ginger ale? Either way, he felt a sudden heat rise to his cheeks. 

“Kiss someone in this circle. And it can’t be me.”

Why would she do such a thing? The idea made him feel nervous. This could end up terribly, or end up in a new relationship. He couldn’t even see an outcome, and he couldn’t decline, he wanted to win. Looking at his three options, he took a deep breath.

His eyes first landed on Sylvain, who had a certain look in his eyes, a look that said ‘if you’re uncomfortable, just kiss me.’, and Felix wasn’t too sure about how to react to that. Sylvain was his closest friend, his best friend, and they’d do anything for each other. His hair was so pretty, his eyes were breath-taking. But if he kissed Sylvain, it would bring up feelings he finally just got over. Plus, it would make everything weird with Constance. Glancing at Constance, she bit her lip, as if she knew something. What did she know that he didn’t?

Glancing at his next option, on the other side of him, Claude. They weren’t as close, but Felix couldn’t deny they had some sort of chemistry going on. They had good banter, and at the party, he seemed like he really was concerned about Felix. Plus, Claude was super hot, and he wanted to run his hands through his hair. If he kissed Claude, it would mean nothing, and Felix wasn’t sure if he wanted that.

Then his last option, Ashe. His eyes met with Ashe’s, and he seemed like he was okay with being kissed. He wanted this for such a long time, but did he want to kiss Ashe like this? While they were both drunk. The obvious answer seemed like no, but Felix couldn’t deny his feelings much longer. Ashe was perfect, he wanted to count the freckles on his cheeks, he wanted to touch his soft grey hair, he wanted to feel his lips on his. 

“If I have too,” Felix muttered, before getting onto his knees. Crawling towards Ashe slowly, still a bit unsure of his choice, he glanced at Claude, who seemed unphased, then at Sylvain, who had a saddened look on his face, why did he look so sad? Before he had time to think, he saw Ashe’s eyes meet his, and everything felt so perfect for a moment. Felix grabbed Ashe’s cheeks, running a finger across it endearingly. Ashe only smiled back, it was wide, he was drunk. They both were, except Felix had a better chance of remembering this tomorrow. Ironic. 

Leaning forward a bit more, he noticed Ashe was moving closer as well until suddenly he felt soft lips against his own. This felt so perfect. Felix felt butterflies in his stomach, and he felt his heart race. He intended this to be a peck, but suddenly, lips refused to pull away. Arms wrapped around the smaller body, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. He felt Ashe’s hands on his cheeks, making his face heat up more. He felt the urge to make this even more romantic, wanting to explore the other’s mouth, but clearly, Ashe had the same plans. He felt a tongue against his own, swirling around together. He loved this feeling, kissing Ashe felt so natural. He was going to continue doing so, but he needed to breathe. Pulling away, their eyes locked once more, Ashe smiling sweetly. There was some hooting in the background, cheering them on.

“See, I’m not a coward.” Felix snapped at Claude, earning a laugh from him. Felix moved back into his spot, about to spin the bottle with an ‘it’s my turn now.’ when suddenly Sylvain stood. Everyone glanced at him, including Felix, who’s brows were raised. Sylvain noticed the eyes on him, and he only huffed something before storming outside. 

“I need some air.” 

“Sylvain!” Constance called out, running after him outside. Felix was confused, looking around the room at all the eyes on him. All the eyes shouted the same thing, ‘CHASE AFTER HIM!’. Standing up, wobbling from the dizziness, feeling Claude’s hands on his back to stable him, and when he was stabled, he quickly made his way to the porch. He was about to open the door when he heard inaudible yelling, muffled by the door. Why were they yelling? 

Opening the door slowly, he was somewhat scared to see what was out there. But he opened the door anyway, leaving the door open when he saw the scene. Constance was crying, a hand over her mouth to keep herself quiet, Sylvain looked annoyed, arms crossed, not even looking at Felix or Constance in the eyes. 

“What happened?” Felix’s voice was soft, in hopes, the yelling had stopped. “Why is Constance crying?”

“Don’t worry about it, she’s just drunk.” Sylvain spat out, clearly annoyed. He’s never seen Sylvain liked this, it was a bit weird. The only other time Sylvain matched this level of anger is when he was mad about Felix getting into a fight. Oh no…

“Sylvain-”

“Were you just never going to tell me?” Sylvain’s voice raised, which caused Felix to freeze for a moment. Just how much does he know? Felix glanced at Constance, who had an apologetic look across her face, tears still in her eyes. He felt bad for putting this on her, he shouldn’t have forced her to lie to her boyfriend. Glancing back at Sylvain, he kept his serious persona on, not wanting to give too much away.

“What are you talking about?”

“That you went to Hilda’s party, and that you got attacked!” Sylvain turned to Felix, who’s auburn eyes just widened. So he knows pretty much everything, he knows as much as Ashe, Hilda and everyone else. Felix looked away from Sylvain, unable to keep himself from feeling hurt. He stayed silent, which caused Sylvain to take a step towards Felix, which made Felix take a step back. 

“So it’s true! How long were you going to keep this a secret? What exactly happened? Who did this to you!?” Sylvain was overwhelming him with questions, Felix could barely think straight. He tried to think of an answer, but he couldn’t, so everything just started spilling out of him, the first time he told the truth in a long time. 

“I didn’t know how to tell you. I went to the party because, because … I was so mad at you! You lied to me, so I lied to you! Even. And I got into an argument, I ran off, and I got attacked by my stalkers.” Suddenly, Felix covered his mouth, eyes widening at what he said. He said too much, he wasn’t supposed to mention his stalkers. Now Sylvain was in danger, and possibly all of his friends. His heart picked up the pace, panicking. He could barely breathe, this was too much. Sylvain looked just as shocked, stopping for a moment. 

“Your  _ what _ !?” Sylvain’s voice raised even more, instead of anger on his face, only shock. He looked like he was still processing what Felix had said, and Felix couldn’t even stop himself from talking at this point. Maybe this is what he truly wanted.

“My stalker. Well, stalkers. I… I’ve been followed for about 7 years now. I thought it was one person, but when I was being choked I saw two people. I don’t know who they are.”  _ SHUT UP!  _ Felix looked away from Sylvain, not even able to see his expression anymore. Part of Felix felt so ashamed that he kept this hidden for such a long time, but another part of him was angry it was coming out at all. He was putting everyone in danger because of his own selfish reasons. 

“You were choked? Is that why you’ve been wearing turtlenecks…” He was finally putting everything together, it made him feel sick. The truth was being unravelled. Before Felix could respond, he heard someone walking through the door onto the porch, Sylvain and Felix both staring at them. Ashe…  _ Not now. _

“Oh! Perfect timing! You knew about all of this, didn’t you? About the party, about Felix being beaten up, about him having stalkers?”

Ashe looked confused, brows raised at the last statement. Ashe looked at Felix, who looked down at the ground, shock spread over his face. 

“You have… stalkers?” Ashe didn’t know everything, none of them did. 

“Oh, so you didn’t know that? But you knew everything else! Everyone did! Everyone lied to me about Felix, my best friend, the person I…” Sylvain hesitated, before looking at Felix, then back at Ashe, taking a step forward towards Ashe. “You. You turned him into a liar. Ever since he met you, he’s been nothing but in danger. You’re the reason Felix almost died!” Sylvain was yelling at Ashe, Felix looked at the younger to see fear in his eyes. Sylvain was about to take another step closer, when Felix suddenly rushed in between the two, holding his hands out to defend Ashe. 

“Sylvain stop!” Felix yelled desperately, eyes glaring at the taller. Sylvain stopped in his tracks, looking at Ashe, then up at Felix. His eyes only became more filled with hate. Felix was a bit scared, but he wouldn’t move from protecting Ashe, not when he knew what Sylvain was truly capable of. Sylvain sighed, before grabbing Felix by his wrist, causing Felix to stumble slightly. 

“We’re going, Felix. You have to explain everything to me later.” Sylvain was suddenly dragging Felix away from the group, where he heard yelling, calling out after the two. As much as Felix pulled and tried to fight away, he was too weak, Sylvain’s grip was way too strong. He looked back to see Ashe consoling Constance, Felix felt guilt build up inside. What exactly did Sylvain say to Constance, and what did Constance say to Sylvain? 

He wasn’t sure how long it took, but they were back at the dorm, and Sylvain closed the dorm door with a sigh. He looked at Felix with piercing eyes, a gaze like the stalkers. Suddenly, Sylvain dragged Felix to sit down beside him, holding Felix’s hand in his. Felix was confused, why was Sylvain acting like this?

“Why did you lie to me? You promised…” Sylvain whispered, looking down at the ground. Felix pulled his hand away from the other’s, sighing. 

“It was to protect everyone. My stalkers… they killed Glenn.” Felix said this without even tearing up, he was so numb to death. Sylvain was silent before he suddenly pulled Felix into a hug, which caused Felix’s eyes to widen. He was confused by this sudden affection, but he didn’t push Sylvain away, instead he buried his head into Sylvain’s chest. 

“I didn’t want them to hurt you as well.”

“You should’ve told me, Ashe turned you into a liar,” Sylvain muttered the last part, holding Felix on the back of his head. Felix should have pulled away, but he didn’t, he just kept his head on Sylvain’s chest, it was so warm. 

“Ashe didn’t turn me into a liar,” Felix replied, a bit of sadness behind his voice. He’s always been a liar, he doesn’t need Ashe’s help for that. Sylvain sighed, before rubbing Felix’s back, soothing him. 

“You should go to bed,” Sylvain whispered, and before Sylvain even realized, Felix was fast asleep, exhausted from keeping his emotions inside. It was all too much for him. The truth was so difficult. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip all of them tbh. imagine being yelled at by sylvain. i feel rlly bad for ashe, he was just trying to help. also why was constance crying? we may never know. nah we'll know soon. i smell a sylvain pov coming soon.


	13. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before Sylvain pov, a quick chapter for more of backstory than anything else. hehe ptsd

Eyes open slowly, waking up in a cold, dark room. Seeing his own breath, he felt as if something was grabbing at his ankles. Hands, pulling him under. Shooting up as fast as a bullet, breathing picked up the pace. He stood up, hands reaching around the room for some sort of source of light. He wasn’t in his dorm, that was so sure. Hearing a dripping sound, water dripping into a bucket. He wasn’t sure why, but his instincts told him to wander to the sound. He couldn’t see a sign of light, but he felt as if the room was spinning, maybe it was just his head. Suddenly, his foot was wet, causing him to step back in confusion. Was he outside? That didn’t make sense. He felt sick to his stomach. He heard some sort of ticking sound, like an old clock. Then suddenly, he heard a splash from whatever he stepped in. 

Before he had time to react, something had grabbed his ankles, hands perhaps? Then he was forcibly pulled to the ground, and being dragged on the ground by his legs. Felix tried to claw for freedom, reaching forward to grab at anything, but nothing was in sight, everything was out of reach. Suddenly pulled underwater, probably into whatever liquid he had stepped in. At least he could see now, bright red light at the bottom of the seemingly endless sea. The hands around his ankles had dissolved into little squares until disappearing all together. Sudden suffocation when water entered his lungs, covering his mouth to stop water going through. He looked around the area, a black sea, except for the red light at the bottom. Guess all he could do is swim down. Keeping his mouth short, he started to swim down, until all energy was lost from his movements. He felt himself growing dizzier as saltwater filled his lungs, and before he knew what happened, he was sinking at rocket speeds, pressure from above like he was being crushed, then suddenly a hard surface. He wasn’t in water anymore, but he was dripping wet, on his knees, heaving for air. 

Holding his abdomen, he gasped for air, coughing out all the water that had filled his body, before suddenly, blood with the water? Why was he coughing out blood? It made him feel sick. Suddenly standing, he realized he was on stage, blinding lights on him, feeling as if he was melting. Covering his eyes, he couldn’t help but notice eyes from the crowd on him, all glaring. Felix felt something grab at his arms and legs, but he couldn’t see anything but paper-thin strings. What is this? Suddenly, his body was being jerked around like some sort of puppet, into unnatural positions, into spine breaking poses. More blood splattered out of his mouth, eyes shutting in fear. What’s happening? Sudden booing from the crowd made his ears ring, he hated that sound. He hated the sound of not being perfect.  _ I’m perfect. I’m perfect. Don’t hate me! _

Being held up by strings, his feet dangled, eyes pried open by unknown forces. He saw nameless faces booing at him, telling him he’s garbage. He knew this already, his thoughts told him this every day. The faces faded into shadowy figures, and before he knew what was happening, he was being flung into the crowd, and now falling down at top speeds. Wind pushed against his face, squinting his eyes to get his bearings. He was falling in a black void, nothing around him, just like the room he woke up in. This was bizarre. Crashing in through a glass window, glass flying around him, cutting his skin, stabbing through his heart. It hurt, yet he was still alive when he landed. 

Face first on the ground, he turned his head to see two pairs of shoes in front of him. Glancing up a bit more, he saw Sylvain and Ashe grinning down at him. Felix reached up to them, which caused the two to step on his arm, their shoes digging into his skin. His bone was shattering, he could hear the cracking. 

“Did you ever think we’d love you?” Sylvain laughed, digging his heel into Felix’s wrist. The purple-haired male cried out in pain, begging for him to stop. He couldn’t understand what was happening. His breathing picked up the pace, then once more, all he heard was his breathing echoing throughout the room. Blood dripped from both of their mouths, and suddenly, they rotted away like wilting plants. The room around him was melting away, hearing words from an unknown voice. He couldn’t recognize the voice whatsoever. 

“Did you really think they’d love you? You ruined your relationship with both of them. You’re a pathetic monster, that’s why your brother is dead.” 

Suddenly, he was looking at himself in a mirror. But it wasn’t him, it was himself from when he was a child, about 12 years old. Looking around the area, he was on a dark street, lamps illuminating the sidewalk on either side. The lamps were bright red, everything else including himself was in black and white, like an old-timey movie. He heard yelling down the street, and his instincts told him to run. As he ran down the street, everything behind him was fading away, he couldn’t turn around, he couldn’t stop running. Suddenly, blood had poured out from a dark alley, this all felt so familiar. Turning the corner into the alley, his eyes widened, hands covering his mouth in disbelief. His brother, dead on the ground, a knife in his abdomen, bleeding out everything in his body. 

Felix felt sick, feeling rain pouring down, the smell of blood and dew in the air, the hot rays pushing down on him. This was all too much. Shaking, he ran towards his brother, before he was held back. Something was around his ankle, a weight of sorts, stopping him from moving quickly. 

“You killed him. You killed your own brother.” 

Looking down at his hands, his eyes went wide. Blood was dripping from his white hands, a knife in one. Where did that come from? Looking back up he saw the knife in Glenn’s body had disappeared, ending up in his own hands instead. 

“N-No! I didn’t! I didn’t kill him! It’s not my fault, I.. I didn’t. I didn’t mean to!” Felix screamed, clenching his fists as he ran his fastest towards Glenn. With every step he took towards Glenn, he felt himself get lighter, but Glenn was fading farther and farther out of sight. His breathing got heavier and faster, tears forming in his eyes. Reaching forward to try and grab Glenn, suddenly, he was frozen in place. He could still see Glenn’s body, but he was suddenly lifted in the air, but by his neck. Hand around his neck, he felt his legs dangling, his air being cut short. His face was going blue from the lack of air, the grip getting tighter and tighter. Struggling to try and get free, he put his hands on the person who was choking him, gripping their arm, digging his nails in. Seeing the person's piercing eyes, he felt a strange sense of familiarity. The stalker!

Looking behind them in desperation, he saw that Glenn was still there, thank god. Beside Glenn stood two males, Ashe and Sylvain once more. Felix’s eyes widened, before the grip around his neck tightened. 

“I will kill everyone you love. But really, it’s already your fault.” And like that, the three disappeared, leaving just a dead body and Felix in the alleyway. Felix helplessly crawled towards Glenn’s body, which caused even more to happen. Suddenly, he was held back by a mysterious figure, holding him by his body, causing Felix to thrash and cry out. He was being pulled away from his brother, and Felix couldn’t help but scream in frustration. His body started to shift back to his normal age, Felix almost in tears while screaming out. 

“Stop! That’s my brother! Don’t take him away from me! I can’t lose him again, please! Glenn!”

“Glenn.” Shooting up in bed, his breathing elevated quite quickly. Holding his chest, his eyes darted around the room. He was in his own bed, in his dorm, Sylvain sleeping in his own bed. He put his hands to his face, so this was real. So what he was seeing was just a dream, or more, a nightmare. Covering one eye with his hands, he breathed heavily, but this quickly picked up the pace. He was panicking, he couldn’t help it. Eyes shut, trying to collect himself. Calm down. Everything is fine. But all of it felt so real, he could feel the pain still. Without realizing, a few tears pricked his eyes, and few dared to drip down his face. Wiping them away with haste, he tried to keep his breathing steady, which proved almost impossible to do. 

Standing up, he made his way to the bathroom, splashing his face with water, before looking up at the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot, there were tears stained on his face, and bags under his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. Touching his nose, it still stung a bit with contact, but at least it was healing nicely. He never went to the hospital about it, but he assumed it was a clean break, so no surgery needed. Not like he wanted a nose job. 

Taking in a deep breath, he sighed, finally calming himself down enough to gain full composure. He’s fine. That was all in the past. He’s better now. That’s a load of shit. He was still an angry, vindictive, lying, fighter who pushed everyone he loved away, even to the brink of death. He knew that now Sylvain and Ashe were in serious danger, even without having that horrid dream he’d know that. The stalkers were out to get him, that meant destroying everything he held dear. Maybe pushing them away would be the best thing. He couldn’t do that, he couldn’t bear hurting them like that. But that may be his only option. 

Groaning, he pulled at his hair in frustration, before scowling at himself in the mirror. It hurt his brain to weigh the options, so he decided to ignore it. “This is your fault,” he muttered to himself in the mirror, before making his way back to his bed. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he glanced at Sylvain across from him, sleeping like a fucking baby. He was jealous. Felix couldn’t even dream of going back to sleep, the image of seeing Glenn’s lifeless body just lying there, soaking in his own blood, trickling down into the sewer grates. The image made him sick, physically gagging. He still didn’t have much to throw up, he hadn’t eaten in days. At this point, he wasn’t even hungry. 

Laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. His mind began to wander. Should he keep Sylvain in the dark about anything new that is yet to come, or should he be an open book from now on? Keeping his mouth shut guaranteed Sylvain’s, and everyone's, safety, but if they were to find out just like tonight, everything would blow up in his face. But if he did tell Sylvain, Sylvain would surely get hurt, and everything would blow up in his face. No matter what he did, things would blow up in his face. He couldn’t win. If only he kept his stupid mouth shut in middle school, there was no solid evidence, but he was sure that Monica played a big part in Glenn’s murder. He wasn’t too sure though. He remembered insulting Monica and her family back in middle school, and she threatened him by saying she was going to ruin his life, but would she really take it as far as to dirty her own hands just because of a stupid outburst? Well, he did say some pretty nasty things about her and her family, but still no reason to kill someone. Glenn was much stronger than her though, so there was no way she could have murdered him. Plus, why act so neutral with Felix now? Why not just kill him where he stood? It was all too much to think about, but if he wanted to be a detective, this was his chance to prove some things about her corrupt family and really show his skills. But in doing so, he could risk his own life. Was the risk really worth the reward? He couldn’t figure it out, and it wracked his brain for the rest of the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also now u know why monica doesn't like felix.


	14. Turmoil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the long-awaited Sylvain pov has returned, and wowza this is a doozy indeed. so enjoy the mind of Sylvain.

Felix was tipsy, maybe even drunk, and it was his fault. He invited Felix to this get-together, knowing that alcohol was going to be here, and he even gave him his first cup without thinking. Felix was never himself when tipsy, not drunk enough to get angry, and not sober enough to get angry either. His tipsy state was, interesting. He never made good decisions when tipsy, but this was his fault. Now they sat in a circle, playing truth or dare, Felix slightly leaning on Claude. A pang of jealousy sat in his stomach, no longer butterflies, just nervousness. His idea wasn’t working, his way to get Felix’s eyes only on him was going all wrong. 

Only five remained, and Sylvain couldn’t help but be a bit annoyed. His strategy to get Ashe out of the game wasn’t working at all, Ashe was just too friendly and innocent. Now it was Claude daring Happi, and the dare caused even Sylvain’s brows to rise. Sylvain was as risky as the next person, but Claude took it to a whole new level. Claude was wild, and Sylvain could appreciate that. Next thing he knew, Happi had lifted her shirt, and Sylvain couldn’t stop himself from looking, even though he had a girlfriend. Next thing he knew he was being slapped over the backside of his head by Constance, which earned a small yelp from himself. 

Now it was Happi’s turn to ask Felix, and Sylvain prayed that Felix chose truth, it was much safer. But Felix chose dare, which caused Sylvain to have anxiety in his stomach. Sylvain just hopped the dare was safe, normal, but of course, it wasn’t. 

“Kiss someone in this circle. And it can’t be me.”

Sylvain’s eyes went wide, glancing at Felix who was seriously contemplating it. Did he really want to win that badly? Felix glanced at Sylvain first, and a bit of excitement ran through his body. Why was he so excited? His heart skipped a beat, and he gave a look that meant one thing and one thing only. ‘Kiss me’. But suddenly, Felix looked at Claude. No way. He wasn’t going to kiss someone he just met, right? Felix wasn’t like that, the only sensible option was Felix kissing Sylvain. 

Then Felix looked at Ashe. No. Not Ashe. If Felix wanted to keep Sylvain sane, he wouldn’t kiss Ashe.  _ Just kiss me instead!  _ Sylvain was desperate at this point, he had to be kissed by Felix, the other two shouldn’t get the pleasure of having his lips touch theirs. But then suddenly, Felix started crawling closer to Ashe.  _ Oh god. Oh god no.  _ Sylvain’s heart rate picked up the pace, his hands clenching around his drink. Please stop. Felix glanced at Sylvain, and every bone in his body ached, screamed to stop Felix right there. But he did, instead just chugging his whole cup in frustration. 

Then suddenly, connect. Sylvain felt his mind shatter, his heart following soon after. Their kiss lasted for what felt like a lifetime, everyone else cheering, even Constance, but Sylvain remained silent, watching with an agape mouth. His breathing picked up the pace, his body shaking. Hate built up inside him. Only Felix knew this about Sylvain, but he was possessive, and well, malicious. How Felix put up with him was beyond him, but he did, and so Felix should only be his. His eyes should only be on Sylvain.  _ Only me. Only me. Look at just me! _

Finally, they broke the kiss, and Sylvain was still frozen in place. As Felix went back to his spot, suddenly Sylvain stood, acting on emotion. All eyes on him, including Felix’s, good. Don’t look at Ashe. But he didn’t want to seem jealous, so he forced a smile. “I need some air.” Then he was gone, storming outside with frustration burning in his eyes. Sylvain shouldn’t be acting like this, he knew this, but he was tired of losing his best friend, especially to  _ him _ .

“Sylvain! What the hell was that!?” Constance sounded annoyed, shutting the door behind her. Sylvain clenched his fists, turning towards Constance with anger flaming from his eyes. He’s never looked like this before. 

“Why would he kiss Ashe!? He should’ve kissed me, it was the most sensible option.” Sylvain began pacing on the porch, not noticing Constance’s annoyed expression. He didn’t care, he didn't care about anyone else but Felix at this moment. 

“And why do you care? You’re dating  _ me  _ remember?” She grabbed Sylvain’s wrist, making them look eye to eye. Sylvain only glared, before pulling his arm out of her grasp. Looking down at her, he looked frightening. His bangs covered part of his eyes, said eyes narrowed, malice hidden between once sweet eyes. Constance looked just as angry, she was not the type to back down. 

“Then maybe we shouldn’t be dating. You’re not serving the purpose I wanted anyways.” Sylvain spat out, turning around to not face. Despite him not caring about her as much as he pretended, he couldn’t bear to see someone cry because of him. He was angry, not a monster. 

“What purpose is that!?” She snapped back, she wasn’t crying, surprising. He glanced back, only to see tears forming in her eyes. Ah, so she was still sensitive despite her mean demeanour. Sylvain only grinning, turning to face her fully, tilting his head slightly. He looked like a few screws had gone loose, and maybe they had gone loose after seeing Felix kiss Ashe so passionately. 

“It means I was using you to make Felix jealous! Don’t you get it!? I just want his attention. You didn’t serve your purpose!” Sylvain yelled, laughing slightly as he did so. Suddenly, she had been yelling back, and what she said took Sylvain by surprise, stopping in his tracks. He felt like he was suffocating. This wasn’t true, was it? But all signs pointed to it being true. It made so much sense, he just didn’t want to believe it. 

“Stay with me! Felix doesn’t want to be with you! He and Ashe have a real connection! When Felix got attacked after Hilda’s party, Ashe, Claude and Dorothea were the ones who helped him! And Ashe was the one who was there for him the most!” She covered her mouth right after talking, realizing she had said too much. 

“He… went to Hilda’s party. After he told me he wouldn’t. Why did you keep this from me!? Why did you lie!?” Sylvain was yelling at this point, Constance’s tears being noticed by him. Maybe he was being too emotional. But everyone lied to him. He thought he could trust again! 

“I-I didn’t mean too. Hilda told me about the party, and Felix told me not to tell you. It’s not my fault. Please…” She reached forward, Sylvain smacking her hand away in frustration. Tears streamed down her face, frustration and confusion clearly building up inside her. Turning away, not being able to see her cry without guilt building up inside, his face only presented pure anger. 

“We’re done.”

“Sylvain- please!”

“I said we’re done!” He snapped back, looking down at the ground, arms crossing. Before Constance had a chance to beg for forgiveness, the door clicked open, a soft yet stern voice being heard. Oh, Sylvain wasn’t too pleased to hear him at this moment. 

“What happened? Why is Constance crying?” Felix sounded genuinely concerned, which only made Sylvain’s heart hurt. Why did Felix care about everyone but Sylvain, it’s not fair! Malice grew inside him as if it was some sort of poison spreading, he felt emotions completely take control. Even his movements weren’t fluid, turning towards Felix with pure rage. He didn’t want to hurt Felix, but Felix hurt him first. 

“Were you just never going to tell me?” Felix looked shocked, freezing in place for a moment. He looked as if he was contemplating what to say, trying to create more lies. He was sick of this!

“What are you talking about?”

_ Bullshit he doesn’t know! _

“That you went to Hilda’s party, and that you got attacked!” That’s when Felix looked a bit scared, his beautiful auburn eyes wide with confusion. Maybe Constance was lying? Maybe Felix didn’t lie to him! No. He could tell that this was the truth, from how he confronted Felix about this. Felix only looked scared or shocked if he was caught in a lie. He started to bombard the other with questions, not because he was exactly angry, but because he just wanted to be on the same page as everyone else. But what he heard next chilled him to the bone. 

“I didn’t know how to tell you. I went to the party because, because … I was so mad at you! You lied to me, so I lied to you! Even. And I got into an argument, I ran off, and I got attacked by my stalkers.”

_ Stalkers…?  _ He didn’t hear that right, right? Felix didn’t have stalkers, because if he did he’d tell Sylvain, wouldn’t he? He wouldn’t keep such a secret away from him, right? He felt his breathing pick up the pace, panic filling through his body. He really didn’t know Felix like he thought he did. But maybe he just heard wrong! That must be it, it couldn’t be any other way. But the way Felix was covering his mouth like he had said too much, just as Constance did. This couldn’t be the truth, this had to be a lie!

“Your  _ what  _ !?” Sylvain’s voice had raised, not out of anger, but out of fear. If someone he cared about so much had stalkers that were out to kill him, he couldn’t handle that. He would break down, not like he wasn’t already. He was falling apart, his mind and heart completely disconnected, and well his mind… it was far from optimal. Despite his demeanour, Sylvain’s mind was a dark place. Filled with obsession, possession and violence. He was good at hiding it, but everyone had that dark side of their mind, right?

“My stalker. Well, stalkers. I… I’ve been followed for about 7 years now. I thought it was one person, but when I was being choked I saw two people. I don’t know who they are.” Sylvain felt like they were going to throw up, this was too much. With a bit more yelling back and forth, he heard someone else join the conversation, turning his head, a slight smile, anger filling inside him. 

_ Of course, it’s him.  _

“Oh! Perfect timing! You knew about all of this, didn’t you? About the party, about Felix being beaten up, about him having stalkers?” Ashe looked confused, did he not know all of this? Who cares, he was still going to blame Ashe, he didn’t trust him whatsoever. 

“You have… stalkers?”

“Oh, so you didn’t know that? But you knew everything else! Everyone did! Everyone lied to me about Felix, my best friend, the person I…” Glancing at Felix for a moment, then back at Ashe, anger filled up inside him. Ashe was taking Felix away from him. Felix was his. He started to take a few steps towards Ashe, but suddenly he was stopped, Felix getting in between the two, sticking his hands out. Looking down at Ashe for a moment, he glared, before looking back up with Felix with a softer look. 

“We’re going, Felix. You have to explain everything to me later.” Suddenly grabbing Felix’s arm, he began to drag the other away, not even flinching at him struggling. He didn’t care at this point, he needed to talk to Felix alone. Looking back for a short moment, he saw Constance crying, and he felt a bit guilty. But then he saw Felix’s face, his perfect features, and all guilt faded. 

When arriving at the dorm, a quick sigh escaped his lips, then he glanced at Felix. Grabbing his hands, he dragged the other to sit down beside him. Holding his hand, it all felt so natural. Looking down at the ground, he fought back the horrid emotions that threatened to escape his lips. 

“Why did you lie to me? You promised…” Whispered, sadness hidden in his voice. He squeezed the other’s hand, and Felix slowly pulled it away. Sylvain felt another pang of sadness, it felt so nice holding Felix’s hand. Suddenly, he felt his heart drop, confusion filling his features. 

“It was to protect everyone. My stalkers… they killed Glenn.” They killed his brother? Now everything was starting to make sense, and he felt horrible for even bringing it up. A moment of silence passed before he pulled Felix into a tight hug. To his surprise, Felix didn’t pull away, instead burying his head into Sylvain’s chest. A smile spread across his lips, this felt all so, perfect. Felix was so warm, he could stay like this forever. 

“I didn’t want them to hurt you as well,” Felix admitted, and Sylvain began to rub the other’s back, keeping him calm. Keeping his voice hushed, he didn’t want to hurt Felix anymore than he did. 

“You should’ve told me, Ashe turned you into a liar.”

“Ashe didn’t turn me into a liar.” Felix was quick to reply, it hurt Sylvain’s heart that someone else had gotten so close to him. He felt a bit threatened, maybe that’s why he didn’t like Ashe. Ashe was a sweet kid, but Sylvain didn’t trust him, there was something behind those emerald green eyes. 

“You should go to bed.” But he had yet to realize that Felix had already fallen asleep, but when he did, he looked down at the other with a larger smile. He was so cute when he slept. Brushing a piece of hair out of Felix’s face, he saw the peaceful look across his face. He thought he looked gorgeous. He needed to put Felix in his bed, knowing the younger wouldn’t be pleased waking up in a different bed that wasn’t his own. Lifting up the other, he quickly tucked him into his own bed. Bending down, he placed a chaste, sweet, kiss upon his forehead, before making his way to his own bed. He made a mistake now. He was going to have to deal with Constance, and with everyone else asking why they broke up. 

_ I’m so stupid.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahah sylvain possessive like a bitch.


	15. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hooooo boy this chapter gets a BIT saucy but not really

Sun leaked in through the tattered curtains, shining on to his tired, expressionless, pale face. Covering his eyes with a groan, he made his way to the window, promptly closing the curtains. He was tired, exhausted, getting about an hour of real sleep. He kept stirring around all night, dreaming the same nightmare, about Glenn. He was used to nightmares, but this felt so much different. Everything he knew was attacking him, the people he loved. Before he even had a chance to turn around, arms wrapped around him, pulling him close from behind. His eyes went wide, before turning back to see Sylvain, grinning softly. A brow raised, before quickly elbowing the other in the abdomen, causing the older to groan in pain before stumbling back. 

“Whoa, what was that for!?” Sylvain raised a brow, holding his lower abdomen in pain. Felix couldn’t help but scoff, before pushing past Sylvain to get to the bathroom. He knew that the taller would be following him, trailing behind. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t sneak up behind.” Felix snapped, beginning to brush his teeth with furrowed brows. He was angry, to say the least. He finally remembered last night. How Sylvain pretty much ruined everything, or maybe it was truly Felix’s fault for lying? No. Even if Sylvain was mad, he had no right to take it out on Constance or Ashe. For once, Felix actually felt bad for Constance, seeing her crying wasn’t a pretty sight. 

“I was just trying to be nice.”

“You have a girlfriend, remember?” Felix spat out his toothpaste, before shooting a glare at Sylvain, clearly seeing the confusion on his face shift into a solemn look. Why did he look so upset suddenly? Did something happen between them that was serious? 

“We broke up.” He suddenly said, which caused Felix to freeze for a moment. Why did they break up? Sylvain said he loved her, they were good together, did one fight really break them up? It was hard to believe, how did he know Sylvain wasn’t lying? It seemed like the type of thing he did, lie to get what he wanted. But why would he want Felix? They were over this weird back and forth feelings, they were both happy being friends. Felix wasn’t sure if he wanted that to change. 

“Why? Because of last night?”

“Because of you.”  _ Crap.  _ Why was he doing this? He was finally over Sylvain, so why did he have to do this now? Why was he being so selfish? It’s not fair. Felix just stared at Sylvain, the older of the two looking both sad, yet proud? Was he proud of himself for breaking up with Constance? Or was it something else. He had too many questions, and Sylvain was clearly not looking to give him answers. 

“Why? Did she not like me or something?” Felix was playing dumb, hoping that he was wrong about this whole thing. Maybe it was a misunderstanding, maybe Sylvain wasn’t about to confess to him once again. He was praying that this was a dream. Please let this be another nightmare. A nightmare was sounding not too bad at the moment. 

“No that’s not it…” Why was he being so vague? It was annoying, why couldn’t he just say what he was thinking? That was a lot coming from Felix. If he just said how he felt earlier, if he just said what was on his mind, none of that would be happening. This didn’t stop Felix from getting angry, a vein almost popping out of his head, storming closer to Sylvain, grabbing the collar of his shirt with a glare. 

“Stop beating around the bush and say what you want to say! You got mad at me about lying, stop being a hypocrite.” Felix snapped, eyes glaring daggers into Sylvain’s soul. He was tired of this, tired of people jerking him around. But before Felix could get the chance for more yelling, he was taken off guard.

Lips meeting his, his eyes went wide. Sylvain had just kissed him. At first, Felix tried his best to struggle away, tried his best to pretend this was happening. But something clicked in him, making him melt into the kiss. The grip on the other’s collar loosened, Sylvain’s arms wrapping around his smaller frame. His eyes were softly closed, and Sylvain licked Felix’s bottom lip, asking for entrance. Despite his better judgement screaming at him no, Felix opened his mouth slightly, his tongue meeting the others. Sylvain pushed his body against Felix’s, causing Felix to melt even more under his touch. 

The other’s hands trailed under Felix’s shirt, causing him to tremble under his touch. This wasn’t right, he should’ve stopped. But he didn’t. But before Felix had a chance to deepen the kiss, Sylvain pulled away with a small smile. 

“How’s that for beating around the bush?” He smirked slightly, arms still wrapped around Felix’s lazily, Felix looking up with confusion in his eyes. This kiss felt different than kissing Ashe, he wasn’t sure how it was different, but it was. Felix pushed Sylvain away lightly, not as forceful as before, but enough to create distance. 

“I need time to think. More than a day, okay? How about after winter break, okay?” Felix was calm, despite screaming on the inside. Taking a step back, Sylvain had a sad look across his face, but he smiled softly after to hide it. 

“Okay, but I’m staying here for winter break. So you’re not alone.”

“No, I can’t let you do that. If you don’t go home, your father and Mikilan will hurt you.” He knew about how horrible his family was to Sylvain, and as much as he wanted to keep Sylvain here to keep him safe, he knew it’d be safer if he went home, in fear of the other getting hurt. Sylvain’s father was less than kind, and he was pretty much the most homophobic person Felix had ever met, and his brother, Mikilan, was not much better. If they knew that Sylvain was staying at school because of Felix and that Sylvain broke up with Constance for him, Sylvain would be in a world of trouble. Constance was loved by Sylvain’s parents, this was no surprise to anyone. A good, pretty, straight girl, was all that his parents needed to give respect. 

“I guess you’re right. But I’m telling them about what happened with Constance, and… that I… I love you.” Felix’s eyes went wide at the other’s words, causing his heart to pick up the pace slightly.

“You can’t do that! You’ll get hurt!” Felix suddenly pleaded, which was very out of character for him. Why was Sylvain so sure of this suddenly? It was confusing Felix too much, and he couldn’t get his brain to settle. Sylvain loved him, and he had some sort of feelings for Sylvain, but he had the same feelings for Ashe, and he didn’t want to drag Sylvain along until Ashe finally felt the same. He couldn’t do that to his best friend, not in good conscience, that’s why he needed time to think about all of this. 

“I can’t keep hiding who I am because I’m scared. I want them to know, they are my family after all.” Sylvain reached for Felix’s hands, holding them in his own, Felix couldn’t even make eye contact with the other at this point. Part of him felt so guilty he couldn’t feel the same for Sylvain, but another part of him was somewhat happy that this was happening. If not, Felix may have been dwelling on these feelings forever. Sylvain looked so sure of himself, and Felix couldn’t figure out anything.

Pulling his hands away with a sigh, he glanced at himself in the mirror. He looked like a wreck, tired eyes, pale cheeks, the bruise on his nose still there ever so slightly, how could someone like Sylvain love such a mess? It didn’t make sense. “If that’s what you want, I have no right to stop you. But… You have to know that I may say no to your confession. I may rather just stay friends, and I don’t want you to get hurt just to have me turn you down.” Felix looked at the other in the eyes, the words spoken being stern, loveless. He wasn’t sure what to choose, what to do. But Sylvain simply smiled, then Felix felt lips on his forehead, causing his eyes to shut for a moment in bliss. This felt right, the soft touches felt right, that kiss from before didn’t. 

“I know you might not want to be with me, but I still need to tell them. No matter what happens.” Sylvain whispered, before walking back into the main room. Felix was left dumbfounded in the bathroom, Sylvain had never been that serious before. Well he had, but only serious when it terms to happiness, but not in terms of actually knowing what you want. He seemed so confident, no longer lost like he once was, did Felix do that to him? 

Following the other into the dorm room, Felix sat on his bed. He didn’t have class today, but Sylvain still had football practice. As Sylvain was getting changed, Felix didn’t look, as he usually does. But this time, if he looked, he knew he’ll do something he’ll regret. He knew he'd take Sylvain. So instead he stared at his phone, seeing a few missed texts from Ashe. 

(3:04 am) Ashe: Hey, what happened? We need to talk, especially about you having a stalker… how could you not tell me that?

(3:05 am) Ashe: We also need to talk about some other things… I have a few things I need to get off my chest to you. 

Oh no. He was going to say that they shouldn’t be friends anymore, especially after that kiss. Felix knew he should’ve just kissed Claude, then none of this would’ve happened. Sylvain wouldn’t have gotten jealous over Ashe and break up with Constance, Ashe wouldn’t feel awkward, and Felix would’ve still got a good kiss out of it. How could he have been so stupid? 

“I have to go to football practice now, then I’m going out with Mercedes and Annette to grab some food, want me to bring you anything?” How could Sylvain act like nothing just happened? It was amazing. He was used to playing with girl's feelings, so of course, he’d be used to this. Lying. Felix was sort of glad, it’d be harder to choose if Sylvain was always talking about it and acting awkward. 

“No, I’m okay. Thanks.” Felix muttered, still staring at Ashe’s text message. He was starving, he hadn’t eaten in days, but that wasn’t going to stop him from not eating. He didn’t want to eat, he didn’t think he deserved it. Plus, anything he ate would get thrown right back up again. He couldn’t handle anything right now, too much stress. School, friends, love, murder, stalkers… it was all too much for a young adult. Did detectives have to deal with this 24/7?

Sylvain had left, and Felix laid on his bed, closing his eyes for a moment. He wasn’t sure how long he had been spacing out for, but suddenly, knocking on his door, frantic as if the person was in fear. Shooting up suddenly, he made his way to the door, only to see Ashe who had lost all composure. Eyes widened at the stature of the other, fear apparent in his eyes. Ashe suddenly came in, not even speaking. Felix shut the door, before staring at the other. 

“S-Sorry for coming unannounced, but I have to tell you something.” Ashe stammered, clearly freaking out slightly. Felix wasn’t sure what to do, he had his own panic attacks, but he has never dealt with someone else’s panic attacks. Lunging forward, he grabbed the other’s hands, squeezing them in his, looking down at him. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Sylvain’s dangerous! You shouldn’t be around him, I have a bad feeling about him!” Ashe’s panic began to increase, but Felix could only think of one thing. How was Sylvain dangerous? Besides his little outbursts, he was pretty much a teddy bear, huggable and caring. But why would Ashe lie about something like this?

“What’re you talking about?”

Ashe took in a few deep breaths, calming down slightly, but not letting go of Felix’s hands. Their eyes locked, and Felix couldn’t help but let some flush rise to his cheeks. The last time their eyes locked, well… they kissed. Just remembering it made Felix feel hot. 

“He seems dangerous… and I don’t trust it.” Was all Ashe could say, breaking the eye contact. He was hiding something, what was it? 

“Why do you care?” Felix asked, his voice rising slightly. He wasn’t too fond of people accusing his best friend of being dangerous without physical evidence. It’s just Sylvain’s word against Ashe’s at this point. But what Ashe said next caused Felix to freeze, bright red hue spreading across his pale cheeks, purple eyes going wide in confusion, lips parted slightly in hopes of retorting back. But he couldn’t say a thing. 

“Because I love you! And I don’t want to see people I love put themselves in danger like you have for me multiple times. And when you kissed me yesterday I knew for sure, I’m in love with you Felix! And it may be sudden, and I know soon I’m going to be going away for winter break, and I don’t expect an answer right away. So take your time, but please say something because if you don’t right now I think I might die… hypothetically of course.”

“You  _ what? _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe two people love felix, but felix cannot love both.


	16. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASHE POV ASHE POV ASHE POV. YAYAYAYAYAY

Well, that get together was a bit hectic, to say the least. From a passionate kiss with Felix to getting threatened by Sylvain, he was left speechless on the porch. He would’ve stood there forever in shock if it hadn’t been for the sounds of desperate cries from Constance catching his attention. Motherly instincts kicking in, he turned towards the older, patting her back and shushing her, keeping her calm. Her head rested on Ashe’s chest and he rubbed circles on her back, trying to stop her from crying. When she had finally regained some of her lost composure, a smile rested on his freckled cheeks as he looked down at her. 

“What happened?” Ashe asked softly, in hopes of stopping her from crying anymore. Even when she had pulled herself together, tears still dripped down her rosy cheeks. He brushed some of her blond hair out of her face, smiling gently. She wiped her eyes quickly, she was like Felix, not wanting to be vulnerable in front of people. 

“Sylvain… I told him about the party, and he freaked out. And he broke up with me…” She trailed off, looking at the window. He glanced at the window as well, only to be greeted with everyone pressing their faces against the glass, clearly eavesdropping and having a perfect view of everything that just happened. Leave it to his friends to be nosy. When they were caught, the group scrambled away from the door, as if they were cockroaches being discovered in a run-down house. He couldn’t help but laugh slightly at them, and Constance was quick to follow, giggling while covering her mouth. It was nice to see she was still smiling despite what happened. 

The two went inside, Ashe closing the door behind her, only to be greeted with concerned friends. Constance played the strong card, pretending she was perfectly fine, he knew she wasn’t, but he wasn’t going to call her out on it. Some went up to Ashe to figure out what happened, where he tried his best to calmly explain, but he kept some things a secret. He figured if Felix didn’t tell Ashe or Sylvain about his stalkers, there’s a good reason behind it, and he wasn’t going to share secrets that weren’t his. 

Despite the drama that had happened, the rest of them still seemed to have fun with ease. They were all laughing, smiling, drinking, but Ashe didn’t touch another drop. He felt guilt build up inside him. He shouldn’t be having this much fun without Felix and Sylvain, it didn’t feel right to him. He pretended to be happy for the group, but that whole ordeal had completely sobered him up, and now he just sat in a group of young adults wishing he never walked through that door. 

Guilt and regret still stayed with him till early in the morning, texting Felix on his way home by transit, babysitting a drunk Caspar and a tired Linhardt at 3 am. Could life get any more complicated? 

(3:04 am) Ashe: Hey, what happened? We need to talk, especially about you having a stalker… how could you not tell me that?

(3:05 am) Ashe: We also need to talk about some other things… I have a few things I need to get off my chest to you. 

He knew Felix was probably asleep by then, or at least, getting ready to head to bed, so he wasn’t expecting a response until morning. Shoving his phone into his pocket, he held Caspar’s hand in one, and Linhardt’s in the other, he was lucky he had two hands. He did this to make sure neither of them wandered off in their drunk and tired states. When the bus stopped in front of their campus, Ashe thanked him, before dragging both Caspar and Linhardt off the bus. Caspar was sort of whining like a baby, but Ashe wasn’t too sure what he was saying, so he ignored any noises the smaller made. And Linhardt, well he was telling Caspar to shut up so he could sleep, where Ashe promptly responded to this. 

“You can’t sleep until we get to the dorms! We’re almost there.” Ashe was still sweet, but his tone was much more stern than usual. It was enough that he was dealing with two idiots, he was still lost in his own mind about Felix. Was Felix okay? Why was Sylvain acting like that?

“You’re still thinkin’ about him? Aren’t ya?” Caspar had slurred his words, resting his head on Ashe’s shoulder, his breath sending shivers down his spine. Ashe’s face flushed at the other’s words, looking away at Linhardt instead, ignoring the blue-haired male. 

“You can’t ignore your feelings, Ashe, it’s dead obvious you’re in love with Felix,” Linhardt said bluntly, a small smile on his face as he too leaned on Ashe, almost causing him to topple over as they walked. Finally arriving at their dorm, Ashe fiddled with his keys before unlocking it, pushing the two others into the dorm, a bit more forceful than he intended. Caspar fell flat onto his face, whining from pain and being drunk, Ashe just muttered an apology. He was too busy focusing on Linhardt’s words. Ashe? In love with Felix? No way! They’re friends, nothing more. 

Sylvain would kill him if he was in love with Felix.

But he couldn’t deny his feelings much longer, he knew his best friends were right. He was in love with Felix, and nothing could change that! Shutting the door with that thought, his face still tinted bright red, he looked at his friends. Linhardt was already tucking himself into bed, not bothering to get out of costume, and Caspar was shakily trying to get to his own bed. Ashe put his hands around Caspar’s waist, directing him to his bed so the smaller wouldn’t get injured. Sighing, he sat on the floor, trying to think. 

He was originally going to tell Felix that they shouldn’t hang out for a bit, at least until Sylvain had calmed down. But now, realizing his feelings, he couldn’t just push Felix away, especially if he had a chance with him. Felix chose to kiss him, not Claude or Sylvain, that must mean something… even if they were tipsy. And that kiss! It felt amazing! It felt like fireworks were going off, no one was in the room, and that they were the only two people that mattered. He felt joy, bliss, euphoria! He couldn’t deny how he felt, for once he was going to be selfish. 

All his life he’s been selfless, putting himself last for everyone else, he even stole from stores for his starving family. And well, he wouldn’t trade his experiences in a heartbeat, it was his turn to be selfish! He was abused by his birth parents for years, up until they died, and Lanoto… his step-father, took him in when he was down on his luck, stealing, hurting other people so his siblings could survive. When he met Lanoto, his life got so much better, but he didn’t stop being selfless. He did everything for Hubert, but Hubert was like his parents… abusive. When Ashe decided to end things, well… Hubert swore he’d make his life a living hell. Since then, he’s never been selfish again… but he deserved this. He deserved happiness.

He deserved Felix. 

Placing his head in his hands, he felt flush creep up his whole face. Then suddenly, he groaned, a muffled, loud groan as he shut his eyes. It was all too confusing, but this heard a slight chuckle from both Caspar and Linhardt. Ashe was unsure what to do. Sylvain would not be pleased with Ashe’s confession, but he was tired of letting people like him control his life. 

“You should-” Caspar hiccuped, “-tell him how you feel. Don’t be a wimp.” Wow. Ashe was really taking advice from a friend who could barely think straight, let alone get a full sentence out without his drunkenness appearing once more. Ashe sighed, looking at Linhardt for answers. 

“What do you think I should do, Lin?” 

“Hey! Why aren’t you taking my advice?” Caspar yelled, sitting up for a second before almost falling off the bed, instead just falling back with a groan. Ashe laughed quietly, before looking back at Linhardt, who was clearly trying to sleep. But the elusive man spoke with a shrug, his tone sounding uninterested. 

“For once, Caspar is right. You should just tell him how you feel, no use just awkwardly pining. Now, goodnight.” And like that, Linhardt was asleep or at least pretending to be. Caspar laughed in victory, clearly proud that Linhardt agreed with him, also ignoring how Linhardt didn’t normally think Caspar was right. Ashe sighed, crawling into his own bed, shoving his face into the pillow with yet another groan. He could barely sleep that night, he needed to get his feelings out. 

Waking up bright and early the next day, he decided to look his best for Felix, maybe the other would say yes right away if he looked nice. Caspar was already up as well, claiming that he had football practice. Ashe cheered internally, Sylvain wouldn’t be there when he confessed, this gave him a certain rush of motivation and adrenaline. As Caspar headed out, Ashe glanced at Linhardt as he continued to get ready. Linhardt wasn’t even awake yet, to be suspected. They had no classes today, so of course, Linhardt would waste the day sleeping. Not Ashe though! He had a mission to accomplish! Get that grumpy, angry, mysterious purple-haired man to be his!

Leaving the dorm soon after Caspar, he headed straight to Felix’s dorm, no time to waste! A huge smile on his face, excitement apparent in his eyes, but nerves racking up on the inside. What if Felix rejected him? He wouldn’t. He felt butterflies in his stomach, anxiety setting in. It felt like he was hit in the gut with a bat. Spacing out for a moment, he didn’t even realize he had bumped into someone much taller, that until he was suddenly sent stumbling back. 

“Oh, I’m sor-” Ashe stopped mid-sentence when he realized who he bumped into, Sylvain. Fear started to fill his body, the taller already looking angry. But, a smile spread across the older’s face, a creepy, angry smile. He could be crushed at any moment by this football player, he knew this. 

“Hey Ashe, glad I bumped into ya’. I had a question.” Sylvain asked, slowly inching closer to Ashe. This time, Felix wasn’t here to protect him, this time he had to fend for himself if Sylvain did something. Taking a few steps back, his back met the wall, eyes widening when he realized there's no way of escape now. 

“Y-Ya… what’s up?” Ashe muttered, refusing to look at the other in the eyes. It was scary, Sylvain was capable of much more than Ashe knew, and now he was about to experience it first hand. 

“Are you going home for winter break?” Was that the question? Why was Ashe so scared? Sylvain couldn’t do anything to hurt him, Sylvain was a sweetheart. Ashe smiled slightly, before looking back at Sylvain, not even realizing how he was getting closer and closer. His heartbeat began to pick up, his hands shaking, his eyes filling back up with fear after that sudden sense of relief. 

“Yeah, I am,” Ashe spoke sweetly, but his voice was laced with fear. That’s when Sylvain laughed, not a heartfelt laugh, no… it was low, scary, malicious. 

“That’s good. Y’know. I’m going home too, but not by choice. I’d get killed if I didn’t go home, even though I much rather stay with Felix. And Felix is going to be all alone here, but I’m glad you’re going home too… I wouldn’t want him alone here. With  _ you. _ ” Sylvain laughed once more, with every word spoke inching closer and closer to Ashe, until he was towering over Ashe. He felt so small, he felt like how he used to feel around his birth parents. It was too much. Eyes went wide at the other, when suddenly, Sylvain pushed Ashe harshly against the wall, his hands on Ashe’s shoulders, digging his nails into Ashe. It hurt.  _ Make it stop! _

“You… You can’t decide who Felix’s hangs out with when you’re not around.” Ashe whispered, which caused more anger to build up inside Sylvain, sudden hand around Ashe’s neck causing his breath to go short. The other’s grip tightened slowly, Ashe’s face going slightly pale. He was losing air, gasping for any sort of oxygen. Ashe put his hands on Sylvain’s wrist, trying to get him to stop. A smile on Sylvain’s face, his face filled with malice. 

“You will never have Felix, he’s mine. Get over him.” Sylvain whispered, before tightening his grip even more. Ashe was going to pass out at this rate. 

“Sylvain… I can’t breathe…” Suddenly, the other let him go, and Ashe fell to his knees. His eyes wide with fear, he couldn’t think straight. The past was coming up, and he felt like throwing up, he felt so sick. His palms on the ground, he gasped for air, looking up to see Sylvain’s sudden shocked face. It was filled with regret and remorse, worry in his expression. 

“I have to go… can’t be late for practice.” And with that, the taller ran off, causing tears to well up in Ashe’s eyes. This made something really clear. Sylvain is too dangerous for Felix, much more dangerous than Ashe could ever be. He shakily stood up, holding the wall for support. Wiping his eyes, he suddenly sprinted towards Felix’s dorm, much more determined than ever, but fear still present in his eyes. 

Knocking frantically on the other’s dorm, he tried to calm himself down, but panic filled his body. When the other opened the door, Ashe sprinted inside, knowing it was rude, but he needed to get into a confined space. Pacing back and forth, he tried to calm himself down, which proved impossible. 

“S-Sorry for coming unannounced, but I have to tell you something.” Ashe frantically spoke, before suddenly hands grabbed his, looking up to see Felix, and instantly everything calmed. His eyes meeting gorgeous auburn eyes, filled with concern and worry, unlike Sylvain’s that held hate in them. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Sylvain’s dangerous! You shouldn’t be around him, I have a bad feeling about him!” Ashe could still feel Sylvain’s hand around his neck, sucking all the air out of him, even though it wasn’t there anymore. Luckily, it wasn’t enough to even leave a bruise, but Ashe had always been on the frailer side of things. 

“What’re you talking about?” Felix seemed suspicious, as any rational person would be. Without any physical evidence, it was his word against Sylvain’s, and part of him knew Sylvain’s words would win. But he still had to try! Squeezing the other’s hands, he felt blush appear on his face for a moment, but then he chickened out, breaking eye contact. 

“He seems dangerous… and I don’t trust it.”

“Why do you care?” This was it, the moment of truth. The perfect chance to get everything off his chest in one instance. He needed to tell Felix how he felt, now! For his own safety. 

“Because I love you! And I don’t want to see people I love put themselves in danger like you have for me multiple times. And when you kissed me yesterday I knew for sure, I’m in love with you Felix! And it may be sudden, and I know soon I’m going to be going away for winter break, and I don’t expect an answer right away. So take your time, but please say something because if you don’t right now I think I might die… hypothetically of course.” It was so hard to say all that, he felt as if he was going to cry at any given moment. But he won’t. He was going to stay strong for once. Then the other finally replied after a moment of silence, causing Ashe’s face to flush even more than before. 

“You  _ what? _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sylvain kinda sketchy though :/


	17. Urges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe saucy chapter up ahead with angst ofc bc who would i be without some angst? :)

This was all too confusing. Two confessions in one day, and along with that, an accusation that his best friend was dangerous. He knew deep down Sylvain was capable much more than he was letting on, but would he really go to the lengths of hurting someone. He couldn’t see it, it seemed impossible to Felix, yet here he was, dwelling on it. Shaking his head, he focused back on Ashe, who was blushing bright red, his freckled cheeks lighting up. Felix was still taking a moment to process everything before he laughed slightly. God, Ashe was so cute. Clearly though, the smaller did not enjoy this response. 

“Why are you laughing! Is that your way of rejecting me?” Ashe asked, voice wavering with sadness. Felix shook his head quickly in response, squeezing the smaller hands in his. He smiled lightly, before looking away. He felt guilty for not having an answer right away, clearly, that’s what Ashe wanted, but he just couldn’t wrap his head around it. Two guys liked him- no, loved him! And he loved both of them, but he couldn’t choose. If he said no to Sylvain, he’d lose his best friend forever, and the same if he said no to Ashe. This wasn’t fair how they were putting him in this spot!

“I’m not rejecting you, but give me time… okay? I need to think about it, I’ll let you know after winter break when you get back.” Felix said with a stern tone, but Ashe still smiled nonetheless. That amazing, heart-melting, gaze stealing smile that could light up a whole room if he wanted. It was so memorizing, but he couldn’t stare for too long. Ashe pulled his hands away, and Felix found himself wanting more of his touch. His hands were so warm, compared to Felix’s constantly cold hands. A large sigh escaped his lips, as he sat down on the bed, putting his head onto his palms. Ashe, being the kind person he is, sat beside Felix, concern on his face. 

“Sorry for springing this on you… I know Sylvain probably confessed his feelings for you as well. I didn’t mean to put you in this awkward spot, but know… whatever you chose I won’t stop being your friend. Okay?” Ashe sweetly said, causing Felix to smile a bit more. Ashe really knew what to say to ease Felix’s mind, and now Felix felt a bit calmer. Looking up at Ashe, that signature smile sent his heart racing. He was so perfect. 

“I know. Thanks.” Felix simply said, before standing up. Ashe quickly followed Felix to the door, where he was letting Ashe out. At the door, the two stared at each other for a moment, silence lingering between them. Felix felt his heart racing, his body wanting to act on its own. His bones, muscles, everything screamed to kiss Ashe right there, but he knew that would complicate things. Breathing heavily, he tried so hard to resist, but he gave in to his urge lunging forward. Arms wrap around Ashe, lips suddenly connecting with the others. The other didn’t even resist, melting into the kiss. This felt so right. 

Running his hands up Ashe’s shirt, his skin was so warm. Pulling the smaller closer, Felix suddenly pushed him against the door he was about to open to let Ashe out just moments before. Rubbing his body against the other’s, a soft whimper came from Ashe, oh god… that was so cute. Felix pulled away for a second, seeing the want in Ashe’s eyes, the same want he saw in Ashe’s eyes at the party. Felix smirked, leaning closer, feeling the other’s breath on his lips. He felt his pants grow tighter at this, want and need mixing into one and unsure how to feel. He shouldn’t be doing this. This was going to make everything worse. But he couldn’t hold himself back much longer, ever since the party he wanted to kiss Ashe again, see if the fireworks were real. But he had to make sure of one thing…

“This doesn’t mean I’ve made my choice yet, is that okay? This is only to help me make up my mind, that’s it.” Felix had to let the other know, because if Ashe thought this was more, then Felix accidentally broke his heart, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. Ashe smiled, but not his normal, sweet one, but a lustful smile. Oh god, that was hot.

“I know… don’t worry.” Ashe spoke, before suddenly pulling Felix in closer, their lips locking once more. Felix pressed his tongue against the other’s mouth, asking for entrance to explore more before suddenly their tongues were interlocked as if they were doing some sort of dance. It felt so good. Felix pulled away, before kissing and biting at Ashe’s jawline, making his way down to his neck, sucking on the skin to leave a mark. Ashe let out a soft, needing moan as Felix did so, taking Felix’s hair out of its ponytail and tugging at it. God, he loved this. 

Pulling his mouth away from the other’s skin, Felix was quick to pick Ashe up, holding him by his legs. Ashe wrapped said legs around Felix’s body, his arms wrapped around his neck. Suddenly, they kissed once more, more passionate than before. Carrying Ashe to the bed, he put the other down on the bed gently, before getting on top, a smile across his face. Ashe’s face was lightly tinted red, nervousness spreading across his face. So cute. Leaning down, he pulled the other’s shirt off, the other getting even more nervous. He suddenly covered his chest, causing Felix to stop and tilt his head. 

“Don’t stare too long.” A stammered voice, causing Felix to smile slightly, before pulling the other’s arms away. Felix’s eyes loving and kind, he loved Ashe’s body, every last inch of it. 

“I won’t… but you’re so hot…” Felix whispered, before trailing kisses down the body, soft yet seductive. Ashe was letting out tiny whimpers, clearly begging for more, begging to be touched. He couldn’t help but notice Ashe’s hips moving up and down, needing to be touched below the belt. Felix couldn’t help but grin at that, realizing now he had turned Ashe into a mess with just a few kisses and touches. Ashe suddenly gripped Felix’s shoulders, causing him to glance back up at the smiling boy. Ashe pulled Felix up for a rough kiss, the smaller biting Felix’s lower lip, causing Felix to raise his brows, but still enjoying this. Who knew Ashe was so… sexual? Ashe’s hands trailed down Felix’s body until he reached Felix’s pants, quickly undoing the belt and unbuttoning his pants. Oh, Ashe was very eager. Felix smiled, pulling away from the kiss for a moment. 

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Felix had to make sure. He didn’t want Ashe to feel like he was being used, tossed to the side after everything was done. Ashe was special to him, whether choosing him or not, he loved Ashe. He’ll always love Ashe, no matter what he does. Ashe was quick to nod, needy. 

“Yes… I want this. I want you.” Ashe whispered, before giving Felix a sweet kiss, unlike the others. This was loving, not just passion and heat. Sylvain never kissed him like this… Felix smiled before taking off his pants, quickly undoing the other’s belt and taking off Ashe’s pants as well. Now they were both in their boxers, at least Felix had a shirt on though. He prayed Sylvain didn’t just burst in here, that would be hard to explain. Felix began to make his way down Ashe’s body, kissing, leaving marks, everything until he got to Ashe’s waistband. Felix licked his lips, about to pull off the other’s boxers when a sudden knock at the door sent both of them flying. 

Felix flung himself off of Ashe, hitting his head against the bed frame before falling on the ground, holding his head and groaning. Ashe was bright red, scrambling for his clothes that had been lazily tossed aside. The knocking didn’t stop, and Felix shot up like a bullet, grabbing his pants and quickly slipping into them, too hasty to put on his belt, but at least he did up the buttons. Ashe’s eyes darted around the room, and Felix quickly grabbed Ashe by his shoulders. 

“Wait in the bathroom.” Was all he said before shoving the younger into the bathroom, quickly slamming the door. Rushing to the door, he didn’t even bother to fix his appearance at all. His hair was down and a mess, his shirt a bit tattered, and a mark on his neck. Opening the door, he was greeted by a smaller girl, blond, angry… oh no.

“Um… Is Sylvain here?” Constance had asked, it was clear she had been crying almost all night. This was his fault. Her eyes were red and puffy, her skin was pale, her hands were a bit shaky, she looked like a wreck. Despite being able to keep a tough demeanour, he knows she was broken, and it was Felix’s fault. Sylvain broke up with Constance for Felix. He felt guilt sit into him, looking at her making him realize how cruel Sylvain could truly be. Is this what all the girls looked like after he was done with them? Is this what Felix was going to look like when Sylvain was done with him? 

“No… Sorry. Football practice.” Felix responded swiftly, hoping this conversation could end so he could get back to Ashe. Then he realized something. He was no better than Sylvain leading on those girls. Ashe may say he knows this means nothing, but he knows that isn’t the truth. He didn’t want to hurt Ashe, not at all. He couldn’t break his heart. 

“Oh, okay. Can you tell him I dropped by? I need to talk with him.” Her voice wavered slightly, but she was stern nonetheless. Felix quickly nodded, and their conversation ended, her turning her heels and walking away as fast as possible. He could swear he heard a sniffle. Shutting the door, he noticed Ashe peeking out from the washroom, he was fully dressed again, a good idea. 

Walking towards Ashe, the smaller took a step closer, wrapping his arms around Felix to pull him closer. Pulling away slightly, Felix let out a small sigh, before looking down at the other with a sad smile. Was he going to ruin this moment they were about to share over some anxieties? Yes.

“We… We shouldn’t. Not until I make up my mind. I don’t want to accidentally lead you on, it would kill me to hurt you. So for now, let’s keep things at a friend level.” Felix pulled away fully, crossing his arms as if closing himself off. Ashe looked a bit sad, a frown across his face before he went back to smiling. 

“I think that’s for the best, I should go now…” Ashe suddenly pushed past Felix, he was clearly more upset than he was letting on. Felix quickly turned, grabbing Ashe by his wrist, causing him to turn around with wide eyes. Felix gave Ashe a big smile, genuine and sweet. 

“If I do choose you, I promise you the first thing we’ll do is pick up where we left off.” Ashe suddenly smiled wide, nodding before pulling away. 

“Good. I’ll hold you to that promise.” And with that, he was gone, shutting the door softly behind him. Felix sighed, sitting on his bed, trying to think. Ashe or Sylvain? Ashe or Sylvain? Who should Felix choose? He couldn’t make up his mind, it was all too frustrating. Closing his eyes, he groaned, leaning back as he tried to think. He loved both of them, but who was he in love with? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do i feel bad for constance? yes. i feel rlly bad actually i love her


	18. Murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooh boy another long chapter, get ready. also small tw there's a bit of violence in this chapter so beware.

The holidays were just 2 weeks away, and everyone was already getting prepared to head home. Classes had ended, and everyone was packing, enjoying the colder weather. The snow had been falling down softly, Felix shivering in the scarf he had around his neck and mouth. A coffee in hand, walking back from a local cafe with Dimitri at his side. Felix had originally planned to go alone, but Dimitri had bumped into him on the way and insisted on going together. How annoying. 

Now they were walking into the dorms, Felix pulling down his scarf slightly to sip his coffee. The sun was setting, a purple to orange hue covering the sky. It was quite pretty, the stars being visible in the dark purple, but the sun still apparent in the orange sky. A puff of cold breath escaping his mouth, evaporating in the sky. His fingers felt numb, not bringing gloves with him, Dimitri had offered his, but the idea of sharing gloves with Dimitri made him sick. Touching the same thing that touched the boar, disgusting. He had brushed up against Felix one time and Felix wanted to wash his clothes. He wasn’t a big fan of Dimitri at all or anything he does or wears. 

Entering the dormitories, Dimitri and Felix went their separate ways. Felix was still quite cold, his fingertips bright red, along with his nose and cheeks. It would be cute if Felix didn’t look so angry all the time. Walking up the stairs, Felix began to unwrap the scarf from his neck and mouth. Opening the dorm door, he was greeted by Sylvain, who was packing up his clothing for his trip home. Felix felt a tinge of guilt rest in his stomach, knowing what was going to happen when Sylvain went home. If only Felix could go too, to protect him. But his parents weren’t the fondest of Felix after he came out, not caring what others thought about him. 

Closing the door behind him, Felix set his coffee down on his night table, before continuing to take off his cold weather clothes. Glancing out the window, he realized it was now pitch black, the sun setting much earlier and much faster. Snow fell from the sky, some landing on their window, it was pretty to see all the different shapes and patterns they were in. Every snowflake was unique. Setting his scarf and coat on the hanger, his hands still shook with ice-cold veins. 

Sylvain through his bag onto his bed, making sure he had everything in there, and once he was done, he turned towards Felix. Felix’s brow raised at their eyes meeting, before the older male took a step closer to Felix, grabbing the younger’s frozen hands. Sylvain’s brows rose at the sudden touch, realizing how cold Felix really was. 

“You’re as cold as ice, you should run your hands under hot water.” Sylvain’s tone sounded worried, yet his hands didn’t pull away from Felix’s, instead, he just squeezed them tighter. Felix looked down at their interlocked hands, before gazing back up at Sylvain. 

“You need to let go for me to wash my hands…” Felix muttered, trying to pull his hands away, but Sylvain didn’t let him. 

“Not yet… let me hold them for a bit longer.” Sylvain’s voice was soft, whispered, pleading for this moment to not end. Felix decided to humour Sylvain’s wish, holding his hands in his, looking at the other in the eyes. 

“Are you sure you’re okay being left alone, I could still cancel…” 

“Are you crazy? I’m fine being left alone…” Felix quickly interrupted, pulling his hands out of the other’s grasp. Time away from both Sylvain and Ashe is what he needed to make a proper and clear decision, so he’d rather be left alone. Sylvain had a sad look on his face, Felix ignoring it as he walked into the washroom. He began to run his hands under hot water, it stung at first, but he pushed through the pain. Sylvain rested on the door frame of the window, his expression unshifting. 

“What about your stalkers?” 

How could he forget? He hadn’t thought about them in so long, and he hadn’t felt their presence since the party… but that didn’t mean he was safe. They were probably lying in wait, ready to strike at the perfect time. Their strength, gaze, everything, he thought he had escaped it by ignoring it, but he was oh so wrong. 

“What about them? Stalkers have lives too, Sylvain. They’re probably going home for the holidays.” Felix lied, before turning off the sink. Felix pushed past the taller, taking off his hoodie and throwing on a t-shirt instead. He wasn’t planning on going outside anymore today, it was dark, cold, snowing, what’s the point? He’d rather bundle up in a warm blanket and scroll on his phone. Before Sylvain could retort to Felix’s lie, a knock on the door caught both their attention. Felix went to the door, opening it with a blank expression, but that quickly changed into a smile. It was Ashe! Wait, he and Sylvain didn’t get along. 

“Oh, of course!” Sylvain exasperatedly said, before sitting on his bed with a pouting look. What was that about? Felix let the smaller in, Ashe shutting the door behind him like the kind, cautious, person he is. Smiling at both Felix and Sylvain, but his hands were shaky when he looked at Sylvain, and he gulped. Why was he so nervous? Did Ashe really think Sylvain was that dangerous?

“Hey, so um I just wanted to say bye to you… both of you, before I go. I’m leaving in a few days but I doubt I’ll see you before then, so I wanted to say goodbye now since I just got back to the dorms. It's killing two birds with one stone.” Ashe nervously laughed, scratching the back of his neck. He noticed Ashe freeze for a moment when Sylvain stood, standing beside Felix with crossed arms. What was this now? Sylvain glared down at Ashe, the smaller nervously fiddling with his hands. 

“I don’t really see a need for you to say bye… you’ll be back after all. You had something else in mind didn’t you, but I ruined it, right?” Sylvain took a step closer to Ashe, standing in front of Felix. He should intervene, step in between and stop Sylvain. But he didn’t, was he also scared? Sylvain had a wavering tone to him, evil, sinister, malice. It was frightening, bone-chilling. 

“I really just wanted to say bye, why is that a big deal?” Ashe’s tone was still sweet, smiling despite the fear that was apparent across his face. A sudden yell from Sylvain caused Felix to stumble back, brows rising at the sudden anger. 

“Just go home and not come back! You came to confess, but you’re too late!” Sylvain had yelled, causing Felix to blink in confusion. Right, Sylvain didn’t know what happened between Ashe and Felix, maybe he should keep it that way. 

“I didn’t come to confess… I… I already did that!” Ashe grew a sudden backbone, fists clenching in frustration. Felix was surprised to see that anger in Ashe, but it only made him more attractive. Sylvain, on the other hand, seemed taken back, looking back at Felix before narrowing his eyes. Everything on Felix’s expression screamed ‘it’s true’, Sylvain looking back at Ashe with clenched fists as well. 

“Who cares if you confessed? You’re too dangerous for him!”

“I’m too dangerous for him? Lest we forget the time he got severely hurt protecting your ass! And then got attacked and choked by his stalkers after he got into an argument with you!”

This is going too far,  _ please stop! _

“At least I don’t choke my competition like you do!” Felix suddenly froze, along with Ashe, who had quickly covered his mouth after realizing what he said. Felix’s mouth was agape, was this true? Did Sylvain choke someone? Did Sylvain attack Ashe? Soft blinks, heavy breath, confusion and frustration filling up in his face. But Sylvain didn’t notice this, instead, he kept yelling. 

“I wouldn’t have had too if you just stayed out of my way!” Sylvain suddenly pushed Ashe, causing the smaller of the two to stumble back against the wall. This had gone too far, Ashe looked as if he was about to cry. Felix suddenly shot up like a rocket, standing in front of Ashe protectively, as he had done at Constance’s weeks before. Felix glared daggers at Sylvain, unspeaking, but his fists were clenched. This had to stop, now!

“I-I… I’m sorry for coming. I shouldn’t have. I… I…” Ashe suddenly opened the door, and before the other two could react, he bolted out the door. Felix noticed one thing in that quick moment, Ashe was about to run towards his dorm, but his footing slightly changed, running in the opposite direction. Why wouldn’t he go home? Turning back towards Sylvain, his expression had softened, but Felix’s, on the other hand, did not. 

“You did  _ what  _ to Ashe?” Felix took a step closer, the other taking a step back in defence. But Sylvain didn’t look like he was going to fight Felix, unlike how he looked before when staring at Ashe. Sylvain couldn’t even form a response for a moment, which caused Felix to launch forward, grabbing Sylvain by the collar of his shirt, glaring daggers into his soul. 

“Tell me!”

“He was getting in the way. I was just asking if he was going home for winter break, and I don’t know what took over me but I got so jealous… and I choked him.” Sylvain couldn’t look Felix in the eyes, Felix, on the other hand, fuming with rage. Letting go of the other’s shirt, he tried to calm himself down, he didn’t want to hurt Sylvain.

“You choked him… like how my stalkers choked me? How they attacked me, made me bleed, how they killed my brother! You acted like my stalkers!” Suddenly, he didn’t even notice that he did it, a punch was swung from Felix, hitting Sylvain square in the jaw. Sylvain stumbled back, holding his jaw in pain. Felix dusted himself off, before turning towards the door. 

“I’m going to look for Ashe.” And with that, Felix sprinted out the door, running the same direction Ashe had run off in. Felix didn’t have a good feeling about this, not at all. His gut told him to find Ashe before someone else did, he had to hurry. 

Running outside, the cold air did not hit his skin right, it stung a bit. It was still snowing, but the atmosphere was now ominous, eerie. His breathing was heavy, running as fast as he could all over the campus, but he couldn’t find Ashe. He was tired, he was so exhausted. He was cold, his hands starting to go red and numb. His lips were getting blue, goosebumps covering his skin. Nervousness fueled his fight, continuing to run to the next place to check for Ashe, the football field. When arriving at the black gates that closed off to the, he tried to push them open, only to realize they were already frozen shut. Acting out on pure nerves, he pushed himself up, and hopped over the fence, landing badly on his ankle in the process. He didn’t care, he wanted to get to Ashe. 

Seeing a silhouette in the distance, he assumed it was Ashe. Finally, he found him and they can go back inside. His running slowed down the pace slightly, needing to take a break from all that sprinting. As he made his way towards the silhouette, it became more apparent. Two people, one on top of the other, something… shiny in their hand. He suddenly heard yelling, which caused him to stop for a second. 

“Why are you doing this?”

Ashe…?

“Why? Because Felix ruined my life, my reputation, my family's reputation, and I told him I’d take everything he loves away from him. I got rid of his brother after all, but that wasn’t with my own hands. I got Hubert to do it! Isn’t that funny, your ex-boyfriend killed your new love’s brother! But I decided I was gonna rip away the one thing Felix gave his heart too, and that is you, cutie.” 

He knew that voice, Monica. He remembered everything in that split second. It was Hubert who attacked him on the night of the party, but it was Monica who was instructing him. He found his brother’s killer!

Before he had time to think, Monica swung her knife at Ashe, Ashe dodging it by a hair. They’re not going to take Ashe like how they took Glenn, it’s time for payback. Running at Monica, before making himself even known, he grabbed her by her hair, picking her up off Ashe and throwing her onto the ground. She had dropped her knife in the process, but Felix hadn’t noticed this. Ashe had pushed himself away from the fight, eyes going wide at Felix’s state. Felix was no longer himself, no, it’s time to become the monster he knew he was. 

“You took away my brother, you attacked me, twice, and now you’re trying to take away Ashe? You're a glutton for punishment, aren’t you?” A sick smile across his face, even licking his lips as he stepped closer to the girl on the ground. He could see the fear in her eyes, she was backing away from him, using her hands to push her back, like a coward. Everything around him was silent, all he could hear was ringing, and his own thoughts that screamed one thing. 

_ Kill her! _

Suddenly, he jumped on top of her, throwing punch after punch at her, not even sick by the blood at this point. He wasn’t himself, after all, he was all the rage, the anger, that had been pent up inside him for so long. Smiling wider, he noticed her blood on his hands, but that didn’t stop him. He heard teeth smashing together, her cries to stop, but nothing drowned out the ringing. Standing, he grabbed her by her hair once more, pulling it as he kneed her in the face, a move he learned from Hubert first hand. She fell to the ground, blood spewing out of her mouth, probably because of her broken jaw, her face looked awful. It’s what scum like her deserved. 

Getting on top of her once more, the punches didn’t cease, but he didn’t notice her hand moving, and suddenly, a knife in it. Her hands were bloody, dirting the knife, but before he knew what hit him, she tried to stab him in the shoulder. Acting with amazing reaction time, before it got a chance to enter his skin, he grabbed her wrist, tightening it so much that she dropped it. His response to this was to laugh, watching her face shift from fear to utter terror. She was going to die here, and she finally knew it. 

“You’re trying to fight back? Too bad you’re too weak, too pathetic.” Grabbing the knife that had fallen, he stared at it before looking back at her frightened expression. Tears were streaming down her face, makeup running, hands shaking, blood covering her face. He wasn’t done. Holding the knife properly, he was about to stab her when something held him, his hands shaking. He couldn’t help but imagine Glenn in this same position when Hubert killed him. His breathing got heavier, remembering all the blood he saw coming from Glenn, and he suddenly threw the knife to the side, looking down at her. 

“I knew you wouldn’t do it. You’re the pathetic one, you don’t have the balls to kill me.” She laughed in his face, causing him to grin once more. 

“I’ll just kill you the old fashion way, I don’t need weapons to make you bleed!” And with that, he completely destroyed her. Punches, kicks, hair being pulled, he swore he heard bones cracking, probably her ribs! Goodie! Before he could continue, something held him back once more, but not his own thoughts this time. Suddenly being picked up in the air, holding him back, Felix began to thrash. 

“Let me go! I need to kill her! She killed Glenn!” Felix started to scream, thrashing as he did so. The person holding him was so much stronger, and for a moment he thought it was Hubert. Oh god. He made a mistake. He shouldn’t have hurt her that much, now he was going to die! Hubert was going to grab the knife and kill him! No, this can’t be. 

“No! I can’t let you. Do you want to be just like them?” That isn’t Hubert’s voice, his heart settled. It was Sylvain. His body went numb, reality was coming back to him. Looking down, he saw Monica’s body. She was unconscious but breathing. She was in a puddle of her own blood, he did that. He created that much bloodshed by just punching. He felt sick. He was just like them, if not worse. It was an awful feeling, he really became a monster. Sylvain’s grip loosened when Felix finally stopped thrashing, and Felix fell to his knees. How could he do this?

Panic started to hit him, how would he explain this to anyone? Without noticing, tears filled into his eyes, curling into a small ball on his knees. And for the first time in years, he cried in front of people, in front of people he loved. His sobs were loud, his hands on his eyes, desperate cries coming from him. A sudden hand on his back to soothe him, looking up to see Ashe, and Sylvain, both smiling at him. Comforting. More tears dripped down his face, his cheeks a bit red from the blood rushing to his cheeks. 

“What am I going to do?” He asked between sobs, and for once, he was completely vulnerable. Ashe went on his knees beside Felix, while Sylvain stood above the two, watching, but he didn’t seem angry. 

“We’ll figure it out, okay? We’ll bring her to the hospital, tell them that Hubert did this to her… and that Hubert killed your brother. He will get justice, and you’ll be fine. No harm in a little lying.” Ashe reassured him, before looking at Sylvain. Felix looked back at his hands, bloodied, he was awful. Monster, evil, pathetic. 

Sylvain picked up Monica, her hands dripping with blood as he carried her bridal style. It was gross to look at, he couldn’t believe he did this. 

“Sadly, I’m the best at lying, so I’ll bring her to the hospital… I’ll explain to them that Hubert attacked both of you and that Monica was an accomplice in the murder of your brother. You’ll be fine, okay Felix?” 

Felix couldn’t only nod, tears still dripping down his face. He was shivering, the cold coming back to him. Ashe wrapped his jacket around Felix, holding him close for warmth. Sylvain had run off already, and Felix and Ashe were left alone in the field. 

“I’m a monster…” Was all Felix could mutter. He was not too far from the boar himself, who had acted this way before as well. But Felix was worse because he pretended he was better, but it was so easy to slip down to Dimitri’s level. 

“You are not a monster! You were protecting me. And she killed your brother, I’m not surprised you attacked her.” Ashe whispered, rubbing circles on his back at the same time. His words were nice, but nothing would change his mind. 

He was a monster in human skin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bruh sylvain out here abt to lie to cops, the hospital, and in front of everyone just to save felix's ass. now it kinda makes me sad Felix may not feel the same.


	19. Some Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH sorry for being so slow at updating. online school is draining me completely. anyways, this is a short chapter but y'all will like it.

Winter break was here, and well, everyone was not. They had all gone home for their respective family celebrations. He had gotten a call from his father, but he ignored it. What did that scumbag want anyways? As if Felix was ever going to go home for the holidays just to spend time with  _ him  _ of all people. A father who claimed his own child’s death was just fate. It wasn’t fate, it was Felix’s fault. He knew that now more than ever, remembering a few days ago his monstrous state. Monica’s terrified, all the blood, the tears… she deserved it all. That was behind him though. Monica was omitted from the hospital yesterday, completely forgot who had attacked her, so when Sylvain claimed it was Hubert he got arrested. It’s odd how easy things worked out, but it seemed as if the police were investigating the two for a while. Monica also had a court date for assaulting Ashe, and he only hoped she was found guilty. He would not be attending that hearing. 

Now he was alone, Sylvain had left that morning, Ashe had left yesterday, he was finally alone with his thoughts. Left alone to make a life-changing choice. It was stressful, more stressful than any class assignment or any test. He would have to see one of his friend’s hearts completely shatter before his eyes, he couldn’t handle that pressure. But detectives deal with more pressure every day, and if he wanted to be one, he would have to learn to endure the feeling of the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

Flopping on his bed with a groan, that was the only sound that echoed through the empty room. He was truly alone, how he liked it. He didn’t need anyone by his side, maybe he should just reject them both? Sylvain has done some terrible things, but he was Felix’s best friend, but they were slipping apart as of late. Ashe had hidden mystery about him that intrigued the upcoming detective to it’s wildest beliefs, and Ashe’s smile was nothing but heartwarming, but wherever Ashe was, danger was sure to follow. Why couldn’t life be like a book, a simple soulmate connection? Why was Felix cursed with two soulmates? Or more like, why was he cursed with romantic feelings in the first place? 

This year was supposed to be about him, about studying, about getting to his goal to avenge his brother. But… maybe he had gotten to his goal in one way or another. Hubert was paying for his crimes, and soon Monica was going to follow in his footsteps. But think about the lives he’s ruined! Monica’s and Hubert’s families must be destroyed, absolutely shattered! Who cares? If Felix, a generally okay person, not get a happy family, why should a couple of murderers? How selfish could Felix be?

A long sigh came from his lips, staring up at the ceiling without a second thought in mind. Maybe push away the choice of Ashe and Sylvain, the answer will come to him in due time. Maybe a walk would help him clear his mind? It was a mild day, well as mild as winter got, but the snow made the atmosphere a bit warmer, plus it wasn’t cold enough for the snow to even stick to the ground. 

Pushing himself up from bed, he made his way to his neatly hung winter clothing. This was maybe a blessing in disguise. Sylvain was incredibly messy, dirty, disgusting, while Felix was somewhat a fanatic for cleanliness. While the other was out of town, Felix could finally clean! What a sad life he lives, excited over cleaning. 

Throwing on his coat, scarf, the works, he made his way out of his dorm. Though overheating in the hallway, he knew his over preparedness would come in handy when he stepped outside. Where was he heading though? Did a walk require a destination? Yes, so he was going to head to the cafe about 15 minutes from here. A nice 30-minute walk in total would get his mind off things, off Sylvain, off Ashe…

Shit! He’s thinking about them again. Get your mind off of it! It was not fair he had to internalize all this! He needed to let it out, but the only two people he could trust were Ashe and Sylvain. 

Walking down the dimly lit street, it sort of reminded him of when he was being chased back at Hilda’s party. His breathing was a bit heavy from this, memories flooding into his mind. He wouldn’t get over this, not for a while. Speeding up, he saw the main street up ahead, cars and lights illuminating the dark city, and at the end of the block, the cafe. 

Finally greeted with warm air when he pushed through the door, he admired the coziness of the whole aura. It was quite gorgeous, yet small, like a hidden gem. He made his way to the counter when he saw someone familiar, taller than him, tanned, messy hair with a braid at his side. None other than Claude himself, in his cocky glory. Felix’s posture stiffened, hiding his face in his scarf as he did so. He only prayed for one thing, not to be noticed. 

_ Don’t look at me. Don’t look at me. Don’t look at me. _

“Hey Felix, that you?”  _ Crap.  _ Claude had waved at him, and a part of him wished to ignore it, but his kinder side told him to at least say hi if nothing else. Walking up to the other, who was waiting in line, he stood awkwardly at his side. 

“What’re you doing here? Why aren’t you visiting your family?” Felix asked, a brow rising at the other’s presence in the first place. He thought everyone he knew went home for the next 2 weeks, well except for Bernadetta, she too did not have a good relationship with her father. Claude responded in a sigh, then a short laugh. 

“Well, my home is a little too far away to get too, and a plane ticket is way too expensive. So I’m stuck here until I find a new job…” Claude groaned at the idea of getting a job. It was amusing, Claude was lazy, annoying, loud and outgoing, yet he, like Ashe, had a layer that was unknown to most people. Felix was curious, but he wouldn’t pry. He didn’t care that much. Felix just nodded in response, looking at the menu at the same time. 

“How about you? Not going home for the holidays?”

“There’s not really a home to go back too without Glenn.” Felix was blunt to say this, his eyes not shifting from the menu. He was done crying, he cried enough for a lifetime when Glenn died. He wasn’t going to mourn anymore, instead just fill his heart with hate. Claude just hummed a response, before they were next in line. Claude was the first to order, Felix standing behind waiting for his turn.

“What do ya’ want? I’m paying.” Claude offered, and though Felix felt as if he should decline the offer, he accepted reluctantly. Telling the cashier his order, Claude paid, and the two made their way to a table to wait.  _ I guess I’m being forced into conversation now. _

Waiting in silence, Claude just stared at him, which made him a bit uncomfortable. Even after both getting their drinks, Claude’s eyes would not move from Felix’s frame. It was unnerving, so he had to speak up, maybe cause an argument. 

“Why are you staring at me? It’s creepy.”

“You have a lot on your mind, don’t you?” Claude was quick to say, almost causing Felix to spit out the coffee in his mouth. Was he that easy to read? No. Claude was just much smarter and tactical than he was letting on, maybe it was his secret talent?

“Since Constance’s get together, and the whole argument, you’ve had a big decision forced on you haven’t you? You can tell me, I won’t tell a soul.” Claude had put a finger over his own lips as if to symbolize he was keeping himself hushed. Felix contemplated for a moment, should he really tell Claude what happened? He needed someone to vent too, and Claude was by far one of the smartest friends he had… plus Claude seemed trustworthy. Felix was going to reveal what happened, just not all of it. 

“Since I kissed Ashe things have been going downhill for me…” Felix started off, but Claude was quick to retort, a joke and a statement that almost caused Felix to blush. 

“Ah yes! The magical, drunken, kiss! It got Sylvain jealous, right? That’s why Constance and he broke up? I mean, who could blame him though? Even I was a bit jealous when you didn’t give  _ me  _ that sloppy, heated, kiss. Maybe I wanted a kiss from a cute guy like you.” Claude’s laughter boomed throughout the cafe, causing Felix to have a slight tint of red across his cheeks. 

“Oh, shut up!” Felix yelled, gaining the attention of some of the others who were quietly enjoying himself. He had even sat up slightly in his chair, glaring at the taller, where Claude only responded with more laughter. Sitting in his chair once more, he continued to explain what he was saying before he was rudely interrupted. 

“As I was saying… Sylvain confessed his love to me, then not an hour later, Ashe does the same, and we almost… you know…” Felix couldn’t even say it, flushing bright red at the thought. Claude wolf-whistled at this, grinning at Felix’s embarrassed state. 

“You two almost fucked.”

“Don’t say it like that!” Felix snapped, flushing a bit more. It sounded dirty... like he was using Ashe, and he didn’t like the idea of that whatsoever. Clearing his throat, he continued to speak, trying to hide how embarrassed he was. 

“Anyways… I’m being forced to choose between the two and I don’t know what to do. I’ve never cared about anyone’s feelings but for some reason, the idea of hurting either of them makes me physically ill.” Felix admitted, sighing as he had finally calmed down from the whole ordeal from before. He calmly sipped his drink as the other tapped his chin, trying to think. 

“It’s quite simple Felix. It’s not always about who gives you butterflies every so often, it’s about who makes you comfortable, constantly happy, and who you know will be there for you. And you know deep down who it is, don’t you?” 

Felix looked away from Claude, knowing his words made sense. Claude was more helpful than Felix thought, and because of him, his choice was much more clear than before. There was only one who made him happy, comfortable, broke him out of his shell, constantly surprises him, the only person who really makes him feel like himself. 

“Sylvain is going to be heartbroken…” Felix muttered into his drink, causing Claude to sigh and sip his own. 

“You’re right, but time heals all wounds. Well, most of them anyway. I’m sure if he really loves you, he’ll support any decision you make.” Claude reached out to touch Felix’s hand, and he allowed so, the platonic gesture feeling comforting and warm. He needed something like that, he needed to just calm down. 

“Thanks… for helping, I guess? I just need to figure out how to tell Ashe now… without hurting Sylvain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can u tell that i lowkey like claude and Felix together as a couple. idk they cute.


	20. Shatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHA im back. i have no excuse to not writing besides animal crossing has taken over my entire life. btw. tw. suicide. not gonna spoil but ya.

The day before Ashe came back, and nervous energy had filled his entire body. Pacing in his room, he tried to think. He talked to Claude about this, and he helped him realize that Ashe was the one he wanted. He was everything Felix wasn’t, kind, honest, loving, and maybe opposites truly did attract. Sylvain and Felix were too similar, maybe they went about it in different ways, but they were both liars. Their relationship would be unhealthy, and deep down he was sure Sylvain knew this too. Why else would it take him so long to confess? 

He needed time to think outside of his room, where everything reminded him of Sylvain. That may be because half of the things in the room were Sylvain’s. Thinking about hurting Sylvain like that, it made him sick. He was Felix’s best friend, his only friend for a long time, he didn’t want to see him destroyed. It’s not fair they put him in this position? Why couldn’t things go back to normal? This year started with Felix wanting to focus on himself, his work, school, not about boys and stupid relationship stuff. It was annoying!

Slamming his dorm door behind him, he decided to give himself to think in a place that wouldn’t sway his mind. Walking down the stairs, he realized something. He didn’t feel scared anymore, he didn’t feel eyes on him, a bit of the weight on his shoulders had been lifted. But he spoke way too soon because when he opened the door to get outside, he was stopped in his tracks by someone grabbing his shoulder. Turning his head quickly, he was fast to pull away, a look of disgust covering his face. But his look shifted when his eyes adjusted to the evening light, and he could see two officers before him.  _ Shit. _

“Are you Felix Fraldarius?”

“Why?” If Ashe were here, he’d tell Felix not to be so rude to a police officer, but he wasn’t here, so his filter was completely gone. An unpleasant look appeared on his face, the cop didn’t look so pleased either. 

“We’re just investigating the assault of Monica, and you were one of the last people to see her before she was hurt. The man who brought her in, Sylvain Gautier, said it was a family friend named Hubert. We traced him back to the murder of your brother, but we can’t trace him back to the night Monica was assaulted.”

“And what does that have to do with me?” Felix snapped back, arms crossed as he took a step forward. Stop trying to intimidate a police officer! He wanted to be a detective, getting into a fight with a cop wouldn’t go well from him. 

“Since you were one of the last people to see her, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind answering a few questions?”

_ Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.  _ Felix knew he was going to slip up, he could feel it in his bones. This was too much. It was an open shut case, there’s proof that Hubert is a murderer, why are they looking further into it? Felix doesn’t even have a record, why did they suspect him? Then something clicked, Monica was the daughter of two extremely rich people, so of course, they’d try to frame it onto Felix, especially since Felix insulted their whole family. Except they weren’t framing him, he technically did do the crime, maybe he should get arrested? 

“Go ahead.”

“What is your relationship with the injured?”

“We don’t have one. I’ve talked to her maybe twice in my life.” Felix was telling the truth, he never really cared about her, well up until he found out she was the reason his brother was dead.

“Is it true that in high school, you insulted her family, and about a week later Hubert killed your brother?” Felix gulped at that question, setting in even deeper it was his fault Glenn was dead. Closing his eyes for a second, he took in a deep breath, trying to calm down. 

“Yes, that is true.”

“We also have proof that Monica’s family was the one who hired Hubert to commit the murder, did you know this?” 

“Yes.” Felix looked away for a moment, nerves settling in his stomach. He was being truthful, but he was going to withhold it if they got any closer to accusing him of the assault. He was a liar at heart, a bit extra practice wouldn’t hurt at all. 

“Don’t you think that on its own is a pretty good motive to assault her?”

Felix’s eyes widened slightly, that wasn’t even the reason he attacked her. She was attacking his future boyfriend! But he couldn’t say that they kept Monica attacking Ashe a secret, making their stories more airtight. 

“It may be a good reason for someone else, but I have morals, I wouldn’t attack someone out of something petty, like revenge.” That technically was also the truth. He didn’t attack her because of revenge, he attacked her to stop her from killing Ashe like how she killed Glenn. He was stopping a villain, someone who was entirely evil, why couldn’t they understand this!?

“Where were you on the night of the assault?” Oh, getting down to the real questions now. No more beating around the bush, Felix had to lie his ass off. He was trying to think of an alibi, not really formulating one, he thought he wouldn’t need it. He parted his lips to speak, but a sudden hand on his shoulder stopped him from speaking. Turning back, he saw Ingrid with a small smile, looking right at the officers with a small narrowing of her eyes. 

“He was watching a movie at my dorm with our friends, he arrived a bit later than everyone else saying there was a fight and that Sylvain was bringing Monica to the hospital,” Ingrid spoke calmly, now who’s the good liar? She said that from the top of her head, knowing barely anything, damn… she was good. She took her hand off Felix, letting them rest calmly at her sides. 

“And who might you be?”

“Ingrid Galatea, I’m a friend of Felix’s.”

“Can anyone else vouch for this story?”

“Mercedes Martritz and Annette Dominic, they were watching the movie with us.” Ingrid nodded, smiling peacefully as she did so. The officer looked away from the girl, looking back at Felix in the eyes. Felix had shot him a glare, which probably wasn’t the best idea at the time. The cop sighed, before asking one question that made Felix freeze. 

“Where was Ashe Ubert on the night of the assault?”

Both Ingrid and Felix were frozen. Were they trying to pin this on Ashe? No, that can’t happen. Felix was about to speak again, about to confess to the whole thing so Ashe would get off scot-free, but Ingrid beat him to the punch. 

“Well, he was out with his friends Linhardt and Caspar, I asked if he wanted to come over for movie night, but he said he was quite tired after hanging out with the two, so he went to his dorm and most likely fell asleep,” Ingrid explained, maybe that was his original plan before getting into an argument with Sylvain. 

“Anyone who can verify this?”

“Ask his two friends,” Felix spoke suddenly, gaining the attention of the other two parties. The officer sighed, before putting his notepad into his pocket. He nodded at his fellow cop, before looking down at Felix with a small smile. 

“I know you two didn’t do this… we’ve been trying to track down Hubert for a while. We’re just humouring Monica’s family’s wishes, they wanted us to do some extra digging, but it’s really an open shut case.” The cop whispered to Felix before the two went back into their car and drove away. When they were out of sight, the two let out a huge sigh of relief at the same time, before looking at each other. 

“Why’d you help me? I didn’t ask you too.”

“Yeah well, I know you didn’t do it and I’d hate for you to get arrested for something you didn’t do. But this is the only time I’m lying for you, I have to now text everyone to tell them to cover your ass though.” Ingrid sighed, already pulling out her phone. 

“Yeah… I’m not as innocent as I said before…” Felix spoke softly, earning Ingrid staring at him, eyes wide with shock written on her face. Her mouth was agape slightly, confusion. 

“I hurt her… after Monica tried to kill Ashe.” Why was he telling her this? It felt so good to get off his chest, talking to someone other than Sylvain and Ashe about this. She sighed, before continuing to text the others, most likely to cover Felix’s ass. 

“You had a good reason, plus she’s pretty scummy, right? I’ll keep my mouth shut, I have to go now though, so see you!” With that, Ingrid was gone, running into the dorm building, leaving Felix in the cold. January had rolled around, and though it wasn’t as cold as before, it was still wet and chilly. 

Walking to his car, he admired how pristine and clean it was, unlike Sylvain’s that was completely disgusting. Another reason right there to choose Ashe over him. Starting it up, he opened the window and started to drive. Where was he going that required a car? He wasn’t too sure. But he just had to get away from the campus, at least for one night. He had enough money to stay in a motel far away, maybe a few days. 

Before he realized it, he was on the highway, driving towards that lake Ashe had shown him months ago. He didn’t mind, that was the first time he truly opened up to someone. It felt nice. Maybe another visit to clear his mind would be best. Driving with the wind in his hair also felt great, almost made him want to sleep, but he can’t at the wheel. 

After hours finally passed, he was greeted with a dirt road, causing his body to shake slightly as he slowed down. In the distance, the lake could be seen, but in a different light. Now instead of it being foggy and mid-day, it was night time, clear, not a cloud in the sky. It was gorgeous. Getting out of the car, he felt the dirt and sand crush beneath his feet. Now without the fog, he could see the surroundings much more. The trees had icicles hanging off of them, and the lake perfectly reflected the beautiful sky. 

Walking to the boardwalk, he listened to the sound of his footsteps. Turning from dirt being crushed to the sound of wood beneath his feet. He sat at the end of the boardwalk, sitting crossed legged at the edge of it. 

Part of him had a gruesome thought. He could just walk onto the ice, drown in the cold water, and never have to deal with anything horrible again. He could see Glenn. But the thought of Sylvain, Ashe, and all of his friends being so sad over him made his stomach turn. Guilt, perhaps? He still couldn’t push that thought away. Maybe dying alone was what he was meant for, his fate of sorts. 

Standing up, he looked at the ice with a sigh. His sigh danced its way through the air, a puff of breath evaporating into the sky. Was he about to do this? End it all because it was so frustrating? He had been dealing with these feelings for so long, and even despite getting the weight off his chest, the thought of Glenn kept popping into his head. It was his fault he was dead. An eye for an eye. 

A step off the boardwalk, ice cracking beneath his feet. This was it, this was the end. The frustration, the choices, the screaming guilt in his head. The voices wouldn’t shut up, the voices wouldn’t leave him alone. 

_ Die. Die. You deserve to die. _

His other foot left the boardwalk, more weight on the thin ice, so thin he could see the water moving beneath. With every step forward, more cracking, his legs shaking. Eyes closing for a moment, before he took another step forward. Then he was frozen, a voice ringing through his ears. 

“Felix?” 

About to take a step off the boardwalk, he heard a sudden voice. He was so caught up in his own thoughts, his own problems, that didn’t hear footsteps coming closer until someone said his name, a voice he knew from the pit of his heart. He turned his head back, tears streaming down his face. He hadn’t even realized he was crying, that his eyes were red, up until he was brought back to reality. His eyes met bright green ones, which made his heart drop even more. 

“Ashe-!?” 

Shatter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> felix is dead for real this time.


	21. Numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT TOOK ME A WHILE BUT THE FINAL TWO CHAPTERS ARE DONE SO HOORAY!!!

He was cold, it was cold. He was numb, his body turning blue. He couldn’t breathe, his lungs were being filled. But with what? Oh right. Water entered through his nose, his mouth agape as bubbles went to the surface. His eyes opened, it was blurry around him, he could hear screaming. He felt as if he was drifting, flowing through the water smoothly. This was his fate, to be encased in ice just like his heart. His eyes shut, he couldn’t see a thing anyway. He accepted this fate, a slight smile on his face as he sank lower into the lake. He was drowning, he was freezing, he was falling apart. He deserved this. He was selfish, rude, violent, a killer in the making. Forget about dreams, he didn’t deserve hope.

“Felix hold on!” Slam. Another to follow. He wanted to open his eyes, he couldn’t. They were shut, his body was growing colder and colder. He couldn’t breathe, he wanted to breathe. Sudden realization. He was going to die. It was dark around him, pitch-black lake under an icy surface. Though he couldn’t see this. At least if he was going to die, the last person he saw was Ashe… the only person he could truly love. He’s hurting the only person he loves, no!

Another slam, harder than before. Shattering of more ice, then a hand around his wrist. What’s happening, he can’t open his eyes. Open, please! Everything was a blur, hearing a bit of struggle as he was being pulled up. Warmth surrounded his body, well not warmth, but it was much warmer than the water. Being picked up, carried, who…? There was only one other person with him. 

“Ashe…” he whispered before his whole body gave in. Was he dying? His body felt so cold, it hurt to breathe, then everything was dark. 

Next thing he knew his head rested calmly on a soft surface, eyes opening ever so slightly. A jacket was draped over him, he knew this at least. This was followed by coughing up loads of water, it hurt. He felt as if he was throwing up his lungs, but it was nothing more than built-up water. He was soaking, he was still cold despite the warm jacket and the warm presence. Looking up, he was greeted with a relieved face, tears in his eyes. The other’s tears burned on his skin, the painful sting of guilt and regret. 

“You scared me…” Ashe managed to say through sobs, rubbing the tears in his eyes away. Felix frowned at the other’s face, he looked so terrified. He scared Ashe, he was so selfish. Why would he even think ending his life was the best option? Maybe because the voices wouldn’t be quiet. Felix sat up with a groan, he was shivering as he did so. He definitely had frostbite. His fingertips were a bit purple, no surprise there. He took a moment to adjust to his surroundings. They were on the boardwalk, far away from the water. Ashe was a bit wet from Felix, which was understandable. The next thing he noticed was Ashe’s hands, they were bloody… what?

He glanced over at the peer, seeing blood on the cracked ice along with the two patches of water. Felix’s lips parted to speak before he realized. He was quick to grab Ashe’s hands, his fingers tracing over the other’s knuckles. 

“Your hands…” Felix whispered though it hurt to speak. Ashe didn’t say anything, causing Felix to look back at him. There was a mixture of shock and guilt that rested on the younger's face, and before he knew what hit him, arms were around him. Holding him close, making him feel loved. Ashe was so warm, he was so welcoming. Felix shivered in the other’s touch before he hugged him back with the same amount of passion. He kept him close, never wanting this to end. 

“Don’t ever do that again, Felix! Ever!” Ashe’s voice was a bit more stern and a lot more aggressive. Felix just hugged Ashe tighter, before nodding slowly. Ashe’s body was shaking a bit, now that Felix was adjusting, he could tell Ashe was almost as cold as him. Felix pulled away slowly, the other following until their eyes locked. Ashe wore a small smile, it was cute. Felix on the other hand, was still a bit shaken up, wearing a somewhat frightened expression. It was hitting him that if he died, Ashe, Sylvain, all his friends, he would’ve destroyed them all. He was selfish beyond wildest beliefs, yet here he was, being comforted by the person he loved more than anything in this world. 

“I’m sorry…” Felix whispered, looking down at his shaking hands. Ashe was quick to grab them in his, causing Felix’s eyes to go wide. Looking up to see Ashe with more tears in his eyes, yet he was still smiling. 

“Why would you even do something like that?” Ashe asked, his voice wavering. Ashe couldn’t even say it, say the thing Felix was doing. He couldn’t say that Felix was going to commit suicide. It was hard to say, even Felix knew this. Biting his lower lip, auburn eyes drifted away from the other’s state, looking at the ice that could’ve killed him. Sudden tears appeared in his eyes, but he tried so hard not to cry. As tough as his will was to not sob, he couldn’t keep it in much longer. A few tears slipped down his cheeks, before a sudden storm of overwhelming sadness. Putting his hands to his eyes, he covered them as he hiccuped out a response.

“I… I don’t know. I just, I have so many things wrong with me. And I have no one… everyone will get sick of me eventually, I’m not stupid!” Felix managed to let out a shaky response, which caused Ashe to rub his back and soothe him. Ashe grabbed Felix’s cheeks in retaliation to this, making them look eye to eye. They both had tears in their eyes, how pathetic, at least in Felix’s eyes. 

“Listen to me, Felix! You have so many people who care about you! Who cares if you don’t have your birth family anymore, your friends, they are your new family! And no one will leave you, I promise!” Ashe’s voice was raised, his expression clearly screamed anger and regret. Felix was stunned by this, eyes wider than before as Ashe continued to yell at him. 

“You’re the best thing to happen to this world, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me! You’ve protected me time and time again, and you’ve done nothing but support me. So what if you’re a bit of a dick at sometimes if people can’t learn to love you for you like I have… then they aren’t worth your time!” Ashe looked so serious, part of it was cute. A slight smile appeared on Felix’s lips before a laugh escaped his lips. Why was he laughing? No clue. But a fit of laughter came from his lips, maybe laughter was all he needed to get rid of the voices. Pulling away from Ashe’s grasp, he looked ahead at the ice, finally letting his laughter die down. 

“That’s just like you, even in my most horrible situations, you always manage to make me smile,” Felix admitted, his face tinted a bit red from this. Ashe smiled slightly before Felix looked down. His heart began to race, this seemed like the right time. The moon and stars were gorgeous, they just had a heartstopping experience, and they were both here… together and alone. 

“That’s one of the thousand reasons I love you…” Felix muttered, his face going bright pink from the confession. Ashe, on the other hand, seemed stunned. His beautiful eyes were wide, his cold lips agape, his hands shaking. 

“What…”

“I’m in love with you Ashe! I chose you! I’ve always wanted you…” Felix suddenly raised his voice, looking up at Ashe with a bright red face, nervousness apparent on his expression. Ashe looked as if he was about to cry again, but Felix wouldn’t let him. Leaning in forward with haste, he was quick to connect their lips. Ashe didn’t waste any time to match the passion of Felix’s kiss, arms hooking around Felix’s larger frame. After a few moments, Felix pulled away, needing to catch his breath.

“What about Sylvain…” Ashe muttered, looking down for a moment. Felix sighed in response, he knew that Sylvain might not be friends with him after this. But as Ashe said, if he couldn’t accept Felix for all he was, then he isn’t worth it. Grabbing the other’s cheek gently, Felix smiled ever so softly, almost invisible at this point. 

“I’ll talk to Sylvain, okay?” Felix assured, which caused Ashe to smile bigger than before. Running a hand through his ice-covered hair, Felix admired Ashe’s features. The other’s big smile, his adorable freckles, his gorgeous green eyes, and his soft skin. Ashe looked right back at Felix with the same look of content on his face, before pushing himself up to stand.

“I should take you home… you need to sleep after what happened.” Ashe smiled, holding out a hand for Felix’s to grab. The taller was quick to grab it, Ashe helping him stand. Felix was weaker than he first thought, he wouldn’t be able to drive home. Wait, how did Ashe get here anyway? And what was he doing here? He was so caught up in his own world that he completely forgot that Ashe was home a day early. 

“I’ll drive us home, I’ll call to get your car towed, okay?” Ashe asked, not letting go of Felix’s hand as he stood. Felix nodded at the other’s suggestion, knowing that would be the best course of action. Ashe wrapped an arm around Felix to keep him steady as he walked, which caused a bit of embarrassment coming from the older of the two. He was being helped around and being treated like a baby, this was his consequence for doing something stupid. 

The two walked side by side to Ashe’s car, the other even helping him into the car when they finally got there. Ashe was quick to sit in the driver's seat, before pulling out his phone and calling the towing company. Felix sat in silence as Ashed did so, turning on the heat of the car so they both wouldn’t die of hypothermia. At least if he died, he’d die with Ashe, which was the only option now. When the younger was done, he started up the car and began to drive. 

“Why are you home early?” Felix had asked after a bit of silence, which caused Ashe to sigh. Felix’s eyes, that were once fixated on the outside scenery, were on Ashe now. 

“It was just… Lonato forgot that I was coming home for the holidays, and so he overbooked himself. I got to talk to my siblings at least.” Ashe explained, causing a small frown on Felix’s face. At least Felix’s dad didn’t forget about him, he was just a scumbag who said his brother’s death was fate. Felix’s hands clenched at the idea of his father, but he tried to ignore it, focusing on Ashe instead. 

“I’m sorry…”

“Don't-! I mean… you don’t need to apologize…” Ashe sighed, his body stiff as he continued to drive the two freezing males home. Felix wanted to learn more about Ashe, that was one of the many reasons he chose Ashe over Sylvain. He didn’t know Ashe like he knew Sylvain, so if he and Sylvain got together, it would be boring after a while. Knowing each other basically since birth doesn’t help spark up new things. Ashe was a mystery, and Felix wanted to unravel that mystery. 

“How did you meet Lonato, if you don’t mind me asking?” Felix raised a brow at the other, before looking back out the window. He didn’t want Ashe to feel like all eyes were in him, putting even more pressure on him than Felix already had. Ashe gulped, but he did respond. 

“Well, like I said before… I was an orphan with my siblings… and I am the eldest. I had to take care of them anyway I knew how, so I started to steal from stores, restaurants and I even went dumpster diving for anything so my siblings could be happy. Then Lonato found me one time while stealing, and he offered us a place to stay, and later on adopted us.” Ashe explained, it wasn’t hard to hear the strain in his voice. Felix was a bit taken back from this, he never thought Ashe was the type to steal - but he had a good reason to do so. 

“Oh… I see…” Was all Felix said, he didn’t want to bombard the other with unneeded questions. The rest of the drive back was silent, mostly because the two were busy enjoying the heat from the car. They were both chilled down to the bone because of Felix’s mistake, and the older felt nothing but guilt because of this. Plus, Ashe’s hands were so messed up now… they had blood on them and scars were already forming. 

When they finally arrived at the dorms, Ashe stated that he’d take Felix back to his dorm first before going home himself. Felix reluctantly accepted this offer, knowing that it would be a bit harder to walk to his dorm alone. Walking up the stairs side by side, hands interlocked, Felix felt flush on his face appear. Walking down the hallway while holding hands? How scandalous! When arriving at Felix’s door, he slowly took out his key and unlocked it, the two walking in. Felix was quick to flop on his bed, he was a bit tired from all of this. 

“Okay well… I’m going to get going… you need your rest.” Ashe whispered softly, running a hand through Felix’s hair to push any loose ones out of his face. Felix hesitated for a moment, before putting a hand around Ashe’s wrist. Sitting up, he looked up at the other with narrowed eyes… but they suddenly softened. 

“Please stay…” Felix was much softer than usual now, he didn’t have his guards up, nor his stern attitude. It was as if he was reverting back to his younger state when he was a soft crybaby. That was his true self. He tried so hard to be like his brother that he never truly gained his own identity, he was just a husk of his brother. He never truly had a personality of his own… now it was too late. 

Ashe sat on the bed beside Felix, the two just looking at each other for a moment. Felix wasn’t sure what was taking over him, but he had the sudden urge to just kiss Ashe again. And so, that is what he did. Leaning forward, he placed his lips on the other’s, pulling him closer. Ashe didn’t hesitate to kiss back, both their eyes closing as Ashe deepened the kiss. Their bodies were now pressed together, causing Felix to whimper slightly. Pulling away for a moment, Ashe had a bright red blush across his freckled cheeks. 

“I did say after I confessed, we’d pick up where we left off… I wouldn’t forget a promise like that…” Felix whispered against Ashe’s lips, causing the other to laugh slightly. Why was he laughing? Did he not want this as much as Felix did?

“I’m glad you remembered your promise, I’m not too sure how much longer I could’ve gone without you… y’know…” Ashe looked up at Felix with a sort of lustful expression, an expression you wouldn't think the other would have. 

Ashe was constantly surprising. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha u think im gonna write them fucking? disgusting.


	22. Never Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter. final chapter. final chapter. tbh i've never finished a fanfiction before so I'm unsure on how to write it but hopefully it's good.

** Chapter 22 **

Last night was a blur of moans and skin slapping against each other, but now it was the morning, easy to tell by the light peeking in through the window. Auburn eyes squint open, the sun glaring into his eyes. It was bright, much too bright, how late was it? He was about to grab his phone when he felt shifting beside him, right… Ashe was beside him, nuzzling into his chest. Felix looked down to only see a tuft of silver hair, his face being shoved into Felix’s chest. He could feel the other’s breath on his chest, it was soothing. It felt as if everything in this moment was perfect, nothing could ruin it. 

He wasn’t sure how long he was laying there just holding the sleeping boy close, but finally, the younger had begun to wake up, causing Felix to look at him with nothing but admiration. Ashe stirred lightly as a yawn escaped his lips, beautiful, emerald eyes squinting open. Felix took the opportunity to kiss the other on the forehead, who knew loving someone made you so soft? It’s not like he was complaining, he liked being able to lower his guard. 

“Good morning…” Ashe yawned once more, looking up so their eyes locked. Felix simply smiled, squeezing the other in his grip. Ashe giggled at the soft form of affection, wrapping his own arms around Felix to hold him even closer. 

“Last night was fun…” Felix whispered cheeks dusted light pink. Ashe’s face flushed a bright shade of red, remembering what had happened when they got back to the dorm. The kissing, touching, and more, the idea of it causing Ashe to get beyond flustered. He began to stammer over his words, making Felix grin bright and big, laughing slightly at the other’s embarrassed state. 

“You don’t need to say anything… but you should probably go shower.” Felix pointed out, finally sitting up, the two releasing their grasps on each other. Ashe sighed, before sitting up alongside the other, leaning on Felix’s shoulder. 

“I’m so comfy here with you though…” Ashe trailed off, his voice hushed as he nuzzled against Felix’s shoulder, it was so adorable. But Felix knew that Ashe would need to shower after last night, so he quickly nudged the other off of him, smiling ever so softly. 

“C’mon, I’ll be here when you get out.” Felix sighed, which caused Ashe to pout slightly. His pout, puppy dog eyes, and whole cute demeanour were hard to resist, and Ashe knew this. They’ve been together for one night and Ashe already knew Felix’s weakness. But he wouldn’t give in so easily! 

“That won’t work on me!” Shaking his head, he stood up, before feeling the cold air on his legs. Oh… they’re both still naked. A bright red flush spread over Felix’s cheeks, realizing he was fully exposed. It wasn’t as if he was insecure about his body, he just wasn’t fond of being out in the open. Grabbing the blanket, he quickly covered himself up, which made Ashe giggle slightly. The other was wearing his underwear still, he must’ve put them back on. As Ashe stood, he leaned up to kiss Felix on the cheek, before heading towards the shower. 

“Don’t go anywhere, okay?” Ashe asked a slight plead to his voice. He must be scared that Sylvain would walk in, but he had nothing to worry about, Sylvain won’t be back for another three days. Felix nodded at the other’s request, before putting on his own clothes, he’d shower after Ashe left. Speaking of Ashe, Felix collected the smaller male’s clothes, beginning to fold them for the younger of the two. He didn’t want Ashe to be dripping wet and cold, so he would put the other’s clothes in the bathroom while he showered. 

After doing so, he sighed, sitting on his bed he pulled out his phone, eyes widening at a text he failed to see before. One from Sylvain, crap. He was coming home early, what’s with these two coming earlier than he expected. To be fair, if Ashe didn’t come home a day early, Felix would be… he didn’t want to think about it. It must’ve been fate that Ashe was there at the exact time Felix was about to end it all, that’s the only way to explain it. Ashe was amazing… Felix was beyond lucky.

What was he going to do about Sylvain coming home today? Why was he coming home early anyway? Felix was worried, to say the least, knowing the other said things at his family event. Sylvain confessed about being in love with Felix to his family and to Felix himself, and now Felix was going to have to reject him. That’s not fair. He didn’t want to hurt or lose Sylvain, they were friends since they were babies, why did he have to choose?

Biting his lower lip, he tried to keep calm. Hearing the water turn off in the bathroom, Felix wondered how long he was staring at this text. Ashe came out of the bathroom moments later, hair still dripping wet but clothed. Felix didn’t even look up, eyes were glued to the screen. He told Ashe he would handle Sylvain, but how could he? Sylvain was acting so much different lately, he was so much more possessive. Felix just knew if he said he chose Ashe, Sylvain would go berserk and try to hurt Ashe, or maybe even himself. He can’t put that pressure on anyone. 

“Hey, are you okay Felix?” Ashe was soft with his question, his voice hushed as he sat beside Felix on the bed. The taller quickly shook his head, snapping back into reality with a small smile. He didn’t want to worry Ashe, if he did, he would feel more guilty than he already did. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m going to go to the cafe, you can wait here if you’d like or go back to your dorm. Did you want something?” Felix raised a brow at the other, where Ashe shook his head in response. 

“I don’t need anything, thank you. I’m going to head back to my dorm and maybe put on clothes I didn’t wear yesterday.” Ashe laughed lightly before the two stood in unison. Felix nodded in acknowledgement, before grabbing his phone, wallet and jacket. It was warmer than yesterday, but he didn’t want to risk anything, especially after what happened last night. Closing his eyes and he could feel the ice and water around him, he hated it. 

Felix walked Ashe back to his dorm, giving him a soft kiss on the forehead before saying goodbye. It hurt to say goodbye, he wasn’t too sure why. He just wanted to be around Ashe all the time, but that doesn’t sound healthy… maybe Sylvain was rubbing off on him. Making his way down the stairs, he tried to ignore the oncoming danger that was telling Sylvain he didn’t feel the same way. Being greeted by the brisk air, he sighed, a puff of cold air escaping his lips. 

As he walked through the campus on his way to the cafe, his eyes trailed over to the football field. That’s where he first met Ashe, that’s where he saw Constance kissing Sylvain, that’s where he almost killed Monica. A lot had happened, it felt weird looking back on it. It seemed as if a lifetime of events happened over the span of a few months. All because his brother was gone. Everything that has happened to everyone he cared about is his fault, and he may never let go of that overwhelming guilt. 

Stuck in his own world, he didn’t even notice when his body collided with a taller one. Stumbling back with a look of anger, his brows furrowed as he glanced up, before realizing just who it was. His expression softened, but a slight tinge of worry. 

“Sylvain…” Was all that was muttered from the smaller of the two, Felix glancing down to see the other’s luggage in his hands. Sylvain was silent for a moment, before dropping his luggage and lunging forward. Felix was taken by surprise when arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. This just made his guilt feel stronger, a frown resting on his lips. He didn’t push Sylvain away, he just let his arms hang at his side.

When Sylvain finally pulled away, a big, goofy grin rested on his cheeks, but Felix couldn’t focus on that, instead focusing on the bruising on the older’s face. Eyes went wide, so he did tell his parents… his brother is such a dick. 

“Sylvain… your face.” Felix sighed, looking away from the other with sadness in his eyes. Sylvain laughed slightly, before touching his bruise with a big grin. This is the Sylvain he knows, the one he grew to care about. If Sylvain was home first before Ashe, things would have ended differently. If it was Sylvain who saved him, would he be with Sylvain right now? He didn’t want to think about that, he didn’t like the idea of not being with Ashe. Everything happens for a reason, at least, that’s what people told him. 

“It’s okay, Miklan just uh… didn’t take my news too well. Neither did dad…” Sylvain trailed off, laughing softly. Felix looked back at him, a sad look still present in his eyes. Sylvain’s smile dropped slightly at Felix’s look, they were close so of course, Sylvain knew what Felix was thinking. Sylvain didn’t say anything for a moment, Felix’s voice softly filling the empty silence.

“I’m sorry that happened because of me…” Felix never used to apologize, he really was going through something. Sylvain still remained silent, his face clearly showing sadness as well. This hurt so much, Felix felt his heart being ripped apart. He didn’t say anything, he couldn’t tell Sylvain the truth. Sadly though, the redhead was smarter than he looked. 

“You chose Ashe…” Sylvain finally blurted out, his voice cracking slightly at the words. Felix didn’t respond, instead just nodding. He was ashamed to make his friend so hurt, when did he become so soft? A near-death experience really makes you reflect. Sylvain’s hands clenched for a moment, becoming fists. Felix began to tense up, scared of what the other would do. Honestly, he was scared Sylvain would punch him, hurt him, or worse, hurt Ashe. How pathetic could he get…?

“I’m going to kill him!” Sylvain picked up his luggage, storming off towards the dorm building. Felix jumped to action, grabbing Sylvain by the wrist, glaring up at the taller. Despite being weak at this moment, he wouldn’t let anyone else get hurt. Felix’s expression screamed desperate, wanting the other to stay right where he was standing. 

“Stop!” Felix yelled, gaining Sylvain’s attention. He looked back at Felix, pulling his arm back strong enough to cause Felix to stumble back. Sylvain sighed, before turning towards Felix with furrowed brows. Before Sylvain could say anything, footsteps were heard, gaining both of their attention. Ashe… not now. He looked innocent, he was indifferent clothes than before but his head was still soaking wet. 

“I heard yelling… is everything okay?” His head tilted, brows raising. Ashe was good at many things, but he wasn’t that good at reading this situation. Sylvain glared at Ashe, before looking back at Felix, yelling louder as he gestured towards Ashe. Clearly, he didn’t care about what people thought about him at that moment. 

“Why him? What can he give you that I can’t!? I’ve known you since you were born, Felix! I know you better than anyone else, I was there for every turmoil. So why him!? Why someone who put you in danger constantly, and knows nothing about you!” Sylvain yelled, stepping closer to Felix. This all felt so familiar, but Felix wouldn’t back down. Stepping forward himself, he clenched his fists.

“How dense can you be!? You just said the exact reason why I chose him. I’ve known you all my life, we know everything about each other, you’re like my brother! I want someone who I don’t know everything about.” Felix didn’t yell, but his voice was stern as his eyes narrowed. Sylvain looked a bit taken back, his features softening slightly. Felix decided that was the moment to back down, Sylvain seemed to be… distraught. 

“I gave you everything I could… and it wasn’t enough… and now you’re going to leave me behind. Everyone hates me, I know it’s true. It’s just… I thought you were different. But you’re going to leave me just like they did, Ashe is taking you away from me.” Sylvain’s voice wavered, looking down. He seemed ashamed, and guilt rose in his stomach like a tidal wave. Felix was unsure what to do, so he did what Ashe would do. 

Lunging forward, he wrapped his arms around the other, holding him close and tight. Felix closed his eyes as the other wrapped his arms around him. He was silent for a moment, before whispering quietly. 

“I’m sorry… Everyone, all of our friends, Ashe, they’ve all been focusing on my problems… when you have a whole shit ton of problems yourself. I’ve been blind to what you’re going through, you have so many issues… and I’ve done nothing but complain about my own shit. I’m really sorry… and just because I didn’t choose you to be my romantic partner doesn’t mean you’re not still my best friend and my brother.” It hurt Felix so much that he was so blind to everything his best friend was going through, but it made Felix realize Sylvain is truly like a brother to him. More than the boar, or Ingrid, and as much as he loved Ashe, Sylvain would always be his best friend. 

Ashe stood there in silence for a moment, before sighing and smiling. “I’m sorry Sylvain… I should’ve been more considerate of what you’re going through… I would love to have a new start with you and be friends… if you’d let me…” Ashe offered, which made the two males pull away from the hug. Felix hadn’t even realized Sylvain was crying, tears streaming down his pale cheeks. It was Felix’s fault he was crying, how cruel could he be?

“I-I’m sorry… for hurting you, Ashe… and I’d… really like to be your friend over time…” Sylvain hiccuped through his sobs, before wiping away his tears. Felix watched as the two made amends, causing a small smile to appear on his lips. It wasn’t a happy ending, not even close, but it was better than nothing. It would take time, but Felix was sure those two would be great friends. Maybe everything did happen for a reason.

“And Felix…” Felix’s attention was grabbed by Sylvain, causing the purple-haired male to look up at him with a raised brow. “I’m sorry for putting you through so much… thank you for being my brother…” Sylvain laughed slightly, wiping away some of his stray tears. Felix simply nodded in response, reverting to his cold exterior, it was his natural form. 

Things wouldn’t be back to the way it was, but that’s fine. So much has happened, it would be childish to live in the past. Maybe now that all this drama was done, Felix could finally focus on his studies to avenge his brother… That's all he truly wanted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope y'all liked the story. this isn't the end of fe3h fanfics :')


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